Umm...

Last night I was sitting around the house and I had a really good idea for a blog post. I thought to myself, "Self, I should really write this down because I may not remember tomorrow and this is really interesting and riveting." But then I thought (it's like I had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other), "Nah, this is too good to forget. I'll totally remember."

So, here I am ready to blog. And I have no idea what it was I was going to say.

Nuts.

Really?

Dais: noun - a raised platform, as at the front of a room, for a lectern, throne, seats of honor, etc.

Jamie is off work for the next few weeks (the perks of being a teacher). I don't know what he was watching yesterday morning, but it stuck with him all day and he had to recount the story to me last night, while I was bed trying to sleep, at 11pm.

Jamie: Hey, so I was watching this weird thing on TV this morning that Jovita Moore (ed. note - we love her, she's an anchor on WSB-TV) was hosting. I don't know what it was but she kept asking people to come up to where she was standing.

Me: Yeah.

Jamie: And it was funny because she had this real weird southern accent and instead of saying "desk" she was asking people to come up to the "day-ask."

Me: What?

Jamie: Yeah, she said "desk" weird. Like she's really southern. Please come up to the "day-ask," please come up to the "day-ask," please come up to the "day-ask."

Me: Umm, Jamie, she was saying dais.

Jamie: What?

Me: Dais. Like what a preacher or rabbi stands on. Like a raised platform at the front of a room? It's called a dais. D-a-i-s. Dais.

Jamie: Oh. Are you sure?

Me: Yes.

Jamie: Well, that's not very funny anymore. I thought she was saying "desk" all strange.

Me: Sorry.

Jamie: Hmm.

Me: Good night. Please leave me alone.

So, this morning, Jamie calls me to tell me he's watching the same Jovita Moore thing again and he's pretty sure she's saying "day-ask" and not "dais."

I hung up on him.

Cut to now, as I'm typing this blog I'm giggling. This guy walks by and asks me what I'm laughing at. So, I recant this whole story to him.

He didn't know what a dais is either.

Really?

Day: It doesn't matter!!!

I have been absent for a while (again).

And I might be too busy in the next few weeks to be here on a regular basis.

Why???

BECAUSE I GOT A JOB!!!

So, here's the story.

A few weeks ago I got offered a job at an alternative free weekly. It was a cool position with lots of cool opportunities. This is a publication that had been talking to me for a while about numerous different jobs, but nothing worked out, until this one. The plan was to bring me in on a temporary full time basis for four weeks and then assuming all things worked out I would be offered the job permanently. I knew my first order of business was to help them get through a circulation audit. The audit was supposed to take up my first week and then my next few weeks would be spent training with the person I was replacing, getting to know the atmosphere and culture, and contributing in any way I could.

Word to wise, never, ever, EVER assist with an audit without it being absolutely mandatory. Audits are awful and what was supposed to be one week turned into two weeks of me literally staring at spreadsheets and "crunching numbers." I was coming home exhausted and cranky because what I was doing, for lack of a better word, sucked. I wasn't happy, by any means, but I knew once this audit ended (although it seemed that it never would) things would get better. I'm not going to say anything else about my feelings towards this new position, not mention how mean one of the girls there is, or how sterile of an environment it was, because I am not here to slander.

Now, let's take a step back. The day I was offered the temporary full time hopefully will turn into full time position an opening at a radio station became available. I worked my network and got them a resume and cover letter immediately. The Friday before I was to start my new job I had an interview with said radio station. Things went well. Scratch that, AWESOME. But, because I had been burned so many times in the past 13 months, one could understand my apprehension.

A week or so into my new job I had a phone interview with another manager at said radio station. He and I really hit it off (or so I thought) and I felt very optimistic about being offered the job, but still, I was apprehensive (again, 13 months of rejection can really do a lot to a person's ego and confidence). I went back to my cube at the alternative free weekly and tinkered with my Excel spreadsheet.

Then, a few days later I got a call. The job was MINE!! I accepted immediately.

Being a (wo)man of my word, I didn't want to leave the free weekly high and dry as I had committed to four weeks of temp work for them. I explained that to my new employer, but promised to ask to be let out of my "contract" early.

The next day I spoke to the Publisher and agreed to help them finish the audit that would never end and that as soon as that was done I was out of there! She was upset, but totally understood.

I went to the radio station that Friday to train with the girl who I was replacing and had THE. BEST. DAY. EVER.

So, I finished up as much of the audit as I could the Monday before Thanksgiving, took the rest of the week off (because I haven't had nearly enough time off in the past 13 months), and tomorrow I start my first day at my NEW JOB!

I am beyond excited. I am beyond words.

I've always been a believer that things happen for a reason. It took me 13 MONTHS to figure out my reason, but I am going to be in a much better place, and I think I've learned a lot.

So, to those of you that are still gainfully unemployed, I'm sorry. It sucks. I know it does and nothing that anyone can tell you will make the situation better. There is nothing I can say to anyone that they don't already know about coping with unexpected unemployment. I can only say do what I did. Volunteer, never give up and never stop talking to people. There were times I begged (literally BEGGED) for a job, times I demanded people meet with me even though I knew they had no openings and I do believe that it all paid off.

When I got laid off, I truly believed my radio days (an industry I have been working in since 2001) were done. It was depressing and awful. Radio is and has been my passion. But I didn't miss a beat and kept myself out there. Honestly, besides my new job, I only applied for two other jobs in radio (and like a trillion and six jobs in other industries). When it happened I was in paradise. A place I don't think I'll be coming back from for a long, long, long time.

Thank you, residents of Melissa Boulevard, for helping to keep me going. I promise I won't be a stranger for too long (gotta give me some time to get adjusted to my new and improved life) and I'll be back as soon as I can with lots of cool stories and interesting things to ponder.

As for me, for now, I'm off to get ready for bed because if I'm going to have to start getting up before 9am, I needed to be in bed hours ago (it's 6:15pm).

xoxox

P.S. If you are wondering where I ended up, please click here and click here! Yee haw!

Lost but not forgotten

Hello Internet,

Sorry I haven't been here in a while. I've had a lot of neat stuff going on but for some reason haven't found the time to share it all with you.

I wanted to post about Halloween a few weeks back and call the post Suck-o-ween, because Halloween was kind of a bummer this year, but considering it's November 12, who cares? I will say this, to the monsters that stole my basket, F U! We left a basket full of candy on our front porch for trick or treaters since we left the house at 6:30. I knew full and well there would be no candy left when we got home but the assholes stole my nice basket that the candy was in. I searched all over the front and back yard and the street and couldn't find it. You suck, whoever you are. Also, my brilliant plan to be a tree for Halloween (and the two weeks I spent working on my costume) were all for nothing. I ruined it and didn't have enough time to fix it.

Before that, I was going to blog about the Little 5 Points Halloween Parade, always a treat, but I didn't. The parade was amazing this year. Lot's of cool floats and weirdo costumes.

We went camping last weekend. That was a lot of fun.

I've had a lot of exciting job stuff happening in the past few weeks. But it's not the time to openly discuss what's going on on the Internet.

Other than that, we won trivia last week (hell yeah!) and will hopefully win again tonight.

I had a cold last week. That wasn't fun and then I gave it to Jamie. Sorry Jamie.

Right now I'm sitting in the kitchen waiting for Jamie to make tacos while Pablo (the Cat Burglar) is asleep on my bed, where he's been for an hour. I don't have the heart to get him up and kick him out. Conveniently he's sleeping on my side of the bed so whatever fleas and other things he has on him will most certainly attack me in the night.

So, I will update you more in the next few days. Sorry I've been absent.

The above pic is Jamie as Billy Mays from Halloween. It was not "too soon" as people were inquiring. This was more of a tribute than anything because you all know how much I respect and admire Billy Mays.

Why shampoo makes awful body wash...

We went to the grocery store on Sunday without the grocery list. It wasn't a big deal since there were only three things on the list and I remembered two of them, shampoo and shaving cream (very rarely does food actually make it onto the list as we pretty much buy the same stuff every week and it's more fun to impulse shop). I could not remember the third thing but figured that since I couldn't remember it couldn't possibly be important.

Then we got home and realized that we only had enough body wash left for maybe one more shower for each of us. Crap. We forgot to get body wash.

Let me point out that we would never have to go without washing because there was a bar of soap in the shower, but that's so drying and since it's finally getting chilly out no one wants to use that.

We also forgot tortillas (a necessity for taco night for which we had bought everything else), oven cleaner (not that Jamie is going to get around to doing that anytime soon), quart size Ziplocks (or whatever the Kroger brand is called), and something else that I can't remember now anyway. So, Monday night we went to Kroger to get the things we forgot (and a banana parfait - YUM). Jamie went to get something (the fifth item I can't remember) and I went to get the body wash. I like the Ivory body wash but since I was mad about forgetting and since we were in a hurry (Lie to Me was coming on at 9 and we didn't even leave for Kroger until after Jeopardy!) I grabbed the cheapest one I saw. Something by White Rain that was on sale for $1.69 (which, was only $.30 less than the Ivory), and I thought Jamie would be proud that I bargained shopped (he is the most savvy shopper). So we bought our items and went home.

I put the "body wash" in the shower and that was that. I used it that night and an hour or so later Jamie was in the shower and called for me to come in the bathroom. He held the bottle over the shower door and asked me what it was. I told him it was the body wash I got for a great bargain (brownie points!) and he asked me to read the label.

I bought shampoo.

Yeah, that explained why even after moisturizing I was itchy.

So, now I have a lovely bottle of White Rain shampoo that I got for $1.69. But I blame the whole thing on Kroger because the shampoo was with the soap.

Meanwhile, I stopped in the monsoon yesterday at the Walgreen's to get body wash. Just for giggles I bought White Rain brand. But this time I quadruple checked that I was leaving with body wash.

Day 366

So, good news! My keyboard is now fixed and working normally. Thanks to my new pal Brian at the Apple store at Lenox for making that happen. Word to the wise, never, ever, ever, EVER go to the Apple Store without making an appointment first. I had one and I still had to wait 10 minutes. However, if I hadn't had one than I would still be there waiting (very crankily), five hours later.

Anyway,

So, what have I learned in my year in review? I don't know. I learned a lot about making a TV show (www.highrisetheseries.com). I've learned a good amount about non-profits and more specifically the Atlanta Community Food Bank (love them, write them a check right now). I know the day time TV schedule like the back of my hand (if you ever are home sick, call me, I'll give you the skinny on what you need to be viewing, and it involves a lot of Bernie Mac and Malcolm in the Middle).

I have also learned the importance of stalking. Not like illegal, go to jail and be a creep stalking, but more like keeping in contact. I have what I call a stalking list and once a month or so I reach out to everyone on this list to make sure they haven't forgotten about me (impossible).

I've learned that it is possible to entertain yourself and also, no matter how much free time you have it sure is hard to motivate yourself to work out.

Hopefully in another 364 days this will all be a thing of the past. Fingers crossed, y'all!

Ed. note: I always try to find a picture or image to include with each of my posts, but this time I could find nothing. Sorry. So, here's a picture of a hippo and her baby.

Day 365

Yep, it was one year ago today I was laid off. I'd like to take some time to reflect back on this year for you, but my keyboard on my computer is busted (I have an appt at the Apple store tomorrow) so you will have to wait until Day 366. I'm on my BlackBerry now and blogging from this is just a pain. So til tomorrow I bid you good day.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

You may or may not know but I love Christmas. Let me clarify, I love Christmastime. I love Santa Claus. I don't know much about the story of Christmas (Jesus was born to a virgin in a manger and people brought Frankenstien and Murray? Who's Murray?) nor do I get into the religion of Christmas, but I love Christmastime. Everything smells like cinnamon. Stores, houses, and cars are decorated. People are happy. No other time of the year has millions of songs and movies and TV specials dedicated to it. Sure, The Simpson's do a Halloween ep every year and there have been movies made about Valentine's Day and Alice's Restaurant is associated with Thanksgiving, but no other holiday or season has anything on Christmas.

One of my favorite things about Christmastime is going to Christmas parties (to call them holiday parties is so offensive, we don't throw parties for Flag Day). I realized today (I already have cinnamon scented pine cones in my house and have already seen FOUR Christmas commercials on TV) that I didn't go to a single Christmas party last year. And that really sucks. Sure, most years I only go to one Christmas party, the party thrown by my place of employment (I'm always on the party planning committee), and we all know that Christmastime last year I was unemployed (I'm pretty sure I asked Santa to bring me a job since I, for the first time in my life, live in a house with a fireplace. Duh, Santa can't get in if you don't have a fireplace). I don't have fancy friends that throw fancy Christmas parties (though I wish I did, I would invest in a red velvet dress with a plaid sash). Jamie's place of employment did have a Christmas party but he didn't want to go and I wasn't going to push for it just so I could quench my Christmas party thirst. So, there were no Christmas parties for poor little me, the girl that loves Christmastime more than just about anyone.

So, this year, yes I want a job, I've wanted one for a year now, but more than ever I'm pushing to get gainfully employed in the next month so that by Christmas, I'll have a party to attend.

**I really do love Christmastime so expect many more blog postings about it in the next three months. I have a lot to say about Christmastime. I (heart) Christmastime.

Cats!

I have heard lately that the internet was invented for cats. In fact, one day a few weeks ago a bunch of blogs and stuff organized a "No Cat Day" and no one posted anything about cats or cat related for like 24 hours. I never understood this until today, when I realized that not only was I posting twice in one day but both my posts were cat related.

This is Kitty. The table is set for Break the Fast tonight. The flowers make a beautiful centerpiece until Kitty decides to unleash his fasting fury on them.

Watch out! Here comes Kitty!

The Cat Burglar

Besides the fact that we're pretty sure someone was in our backyard in the wee early hours of the morning (seriously, the gate was open when we woke up and I know I heard something, twice, at some point last night, but I was too tired to wake up Jamie, I guess I value sleep more than safety), we had a visit from the Cat Burglar yesterday afternoon.

Yes, twice while we had the front door open (and the screen door closed) yesterday I noticed Pablo in our house.

Pablo is our upstairs neighbor's cat and he loves us. Whenever we are outside he's playing with us or sitting in one of our laps. He's very sweet. But he's not allowed in our house. Our neighbor has a cat door so Pablo can go inside whenever he wants, but I guess he likes us more because we are new and interesting and we pet him whenever he wants.

When we first closed the screen door Pablo sat at the other side of it watching me watching TV. It made me a little sad for not allowing him inside, but he would get over it. Then I remembered that the bottom corner of the screen wasn't really attached to the screen door so it would be very easy for Pablo to walk right through it, if he figured it out. I know he's a smart cat, but I decided he wasn't that smart.

Then, as I was sitting on the couch balancing my check book I heard a noise, and then another noise and I looked up and Pablo was in my living room watching me. So after chasing him around for a minute (more playfully than seriously) I put him back out. I told Jamie that we needed to do something about the screen because otherwise Pablo would just keep breaking in. But Jamie disagreed. Anyway, a few minutes later we're both in the kitchen and I look over and there's Pablo, halfway into the bathroom. There's no telling how long he was in the house, but he was inside again.

So, again, we kicked him out (lovely carried him outside and placed him gently into a chair all while kissing him and singing his praises - we spoil him with love and affection).

How to prevent Pablo from continuing to break through our screen? Well, block it of course with a giant die.

As you can see from the pic, it worked.

Tonight I'm going to use the die to put in front of the gate to keep the people out of our backyard.

P.S. That's a cat burglar mask I tried to draw on Pablo. Usually they're black a la the Hamburglar, but since Pablo is black a black mask wouldn't show up as well.

New & Improved!

No, nothing on my blog is new and/or improved. Except for this post, which is new.

Riddle me this, if you owned a product and you add "New & Improved" to the packaging, how long would you wait until you removed the "New & Improved"?

I'm asking because of this.

I use Lubriderm lotion daily. I love it. And I have been using it for as long as I can remember (my Momma uses it too). But, for as long as I can remember, the bottle has said "New & Improved" on it. From what I can tell, being a daily user, there is nothing new about the product and it is just as awesome as it ever was.

I realized after buying not this most recent bottle, but the bottle before that perhaps they are using a new pump and that is what is "New & Improved". But then when I bought a new bottle the other day that pump was the same as the one two bottles ago (are you following this?).

Yes, perhaps one store still had old bottles they were selling, but, BUT, both bottles said "New & Improved".

Isn't is misleading to leave "New & Improved" on your product for too long? I believe there should be some sort of limitations on use of the phrase "New & Improved". Someone needs to be regulating these things.

Until then, I'm going to eat my "New & Improved" leftovers.

These things I love right now...

So, here's an uplifting post, to contrast with my last post. Here's what I'm loving right now.

The new album from The Black Crowes. Before the Frost (the new album) was recorded in Levon Helm's barn in Woodstock, NY. So that right there makes it awesome. I've listened to it like five times so far (I just got it on Saturday but didn't open it until this morning) and it is absolutely AMAZING. I like track 7 the best so far. I don't know the name of it. But it sounds like Crosby Stills & Nash. The CD comes with a download card to get an extra nine songs. I haven't downloaded it yet (I don't trust my internet connection today). Rolling Stone calls Until the Freeze... (the nine song download) "mostly acoustic, country-tinged tunes." And if you know me, then you know that screams my name. I'm so excited about this new album. Unfortunately the Crowes are playing Atlanta on October 3, which is Jamie's birthday. It's only unfortunate because Jamie doesn't share my deep love for The Black Crowes. If he did, we'd go to the show. But, it's his birthday and he doesn't want to. I know that if the show was on any other day he would gladly accompany me. But it's OK because if some band he likes that I don't were to ever play on my birthday (or any other day because I'm a brat) he wouldn't make me go. It's not like when Chris Robinson was touring with Phil Lesh & Friends and they played The Fox on my birthday. That was kismet.

Optimism. It's not so much that I'm loving optimism right now, it's more of a life choice I'm making and therefore forcing myself to love. I have a job interview tomorrow...

70 degree mornings. Yes, it's still well into the 80's (and upper 70's) in the afternoon but because there's a slight chill in the air I know that summer is almost gone and fall and winter are almost here. I hate the heat. But because this is a post about things I love, I won't elaborate.

New TV coming back. Yes, with the vanishing of summer (almost) comes new TV!! The second episode of Glee is on Wednesday, the new show Community starring Joel McHale (swoon!) debuts on Thursday, and Curb Your Enthusiasm comes back on Sunday (oh, Larry, you've been gone too long). By the end of the month The Simpson's, House, Lie to Me, and hopefully Ugly Betty will all be back. Plus Project Runway and Top Chef are totally kicking ass so far.

And, because I'm a nerd, I really, really love gummy worms. Right now and forever.

Cuts like a knife

I'm going to be candid for a moment. Because if I can't be candid on my own blog, then where?

Yes, we all know that I've been unemployed for almost one year now. One. Whole. Year. And for the most part I'm very optimistic and I stay very positive. But every once in a while I have a bad day. Anything can trigger this, or sometimes nothing at all will. It's just that when are you are persistent and always trying to see the good side of things sometimes it becomes too much and you just need to wallow. Luckily, I have very few of these days. But today was one.

And you know how when it rains, it pours?

Well, today it poured. I woke up in a funk for no reason. I just new it was going to be one of those days. As you may or may not know I've been waiting to hear back about numerous positions I have applied for. And for most of these positions I have had at least one interview. So, my outlook should have been bright, but it wasn't this morning. Instead of talking myself out of it I decided to just roll with it. It's Friday, the weekends are always fun so if I could just get through most of the day then before I knew it people would be off work, Jamie would be home and the weekend would officially begin. I let myself veg. I watched awful TV. I read every piece of information in the news (celeb gossip news anyway). I had an OK, wallowy day.

Then it happened, just a little while ago. The fateful email that one sends right before they leave the office for the weekend. Something they've been putting off all day.

"Thank you for you interest but we have decided to go in a different direction as we are looking for someone with a little more XXXXX."

I always appreciate it when someone sends a response telling you that they are not hiring you. Seriously. You would be amazed at how many people don't let you know they're moving on without you.

Rejection always sucks, but on a day where you're already in a crappy state of mind, it just doesn't help.

As far as the person sending the rejection note knows, you are having the best day ever, and maybe, on some occasions I have been, but not today. Today it just made everything sting a little more.

Ode to the gummy worm

I haven't been very inspired to blog lately, but I wanted to post something today. So, while snacking between lunch and dinner something occurred to me.

I really, really, really, love gummy worms.

Normally, a between meal snack for me would consist of something containing some nutritional value, but since I had veggies for lunch (for the most part) and we have practically no food in our house I had almost no choice but to go for the gummy worms.

I always keep gummy worms around.

Why do I love gummy worms? I don't mind gummy bears, I don't particularly like those stupid gummy fish, but something about gummy worms makes me happy.

In the words of an old American classic, I like to "bite their heads off, suck their juice out, ooey, gooey, gooey, gooey worms."

And the best part of gummy worms? You can buy them at Kroger for $1 bag, and you get like 30 worms! There are no fat in gummy worms, but they will make you fat because they are nothing but sugar, corn syrup and food coloring. So, in a way, I guess they are a nutritious snack. In moderation.

Maybe.

But they sure are delicious.

Melissa's Rules for a Perfect Sunday

Yesterday was an almost perfect Sunday thanks to the rainy weather. When it rains on a Sunday it is almost a mandate that you stay at home and be low key and just relax.

The below rules are rules I invented a few years ago and I rediscovered them yesterday and decided to once again become a devout follower of Melissa's Rules for a Perfect Sunday.

**Ed note; it is more than OK to break these rules for a special occasion, like a party, or if it is a three day weekend and Monday is a holiday. In that case it is perfectly acceptable to use these rules on that Monday.

1. Never, ever wear a belt on Sunday. If you're pants are too big and you insist on wearing them, deal with having to constantly pull them up. I suggest sweat pants.

2. It is a sin to brush your hair on Sunday. Let it go and be free and messy (however, I follow this rule just about every day. I dislike brushing my hair).

3. Under no circumstances should you wear make up on Sunday. I don't care if you have a zit the size of Montana or you have gigantic bags under your eyes. Make up is not permitted on Sunday's. That is why God invented oversized sunglasses.

4. We are too addicted to technology and that is why computers should not be used on Sunday's. Don't check Facebook, don't read this blog, don't turn on your computer on Sunday. Computers need a day of rest too.

5. If you are lucky enough to own a DVR or have OnDemand, Sunday is the day to catch up on all your shows. Why, just yesterday I caught up on Real Housewives of Atlanta, Hung, and Project Runway. I even squeezed in time for an awful Lifetime movie starring Kirstie Alley.

6. If it can be avoided, don't answer the phone on Sunday. The last thing anyone needs on a Sunday is someone rehashing some lame ass story about what happened to them on Saturday night. I don't care how funny it is or how incredible the story, it can wait until Monday.

7. Find your zen and hold onto it. No drama. No stress. No worries.

8. There is something very nostalgic about lying on the couch (or in bed) and reading the Sunday paper. I mean the print version. With the section solely dedicated to the comics. The paper is like $2 on Sunday's, but if you drive around East Atlanta you can find people selling it for a $1 and it is sooooo worth it.

9 (OPTIONAL). If possible, don't wear shoes. Sunday's are great days to go to the grocery store or take a relaxing walk (if the weather permits) and you have to wear shoes to do those things, but otherwise, no shoes.

And that, my friends, is the way to have a perfect Sunday.

Let's all go to the movies!

So, I've seen a lot of movies lately. Well, not a lot, but more than I would normally see in the past week.

I'm one of those people that when others are talking about "classic movies" I'm the one that's like "Oh, I haven't seen that" to which I usually get "WHAT?" For instance I've never seen The Goonies or any of The Godfather movies. (You're totally going "WHAT?" right now.) Instead of expanding my mind and watching new movies I prefer to watch the same movies over and over again. I've seen Mommie Dearest one billion times. Anytime Smokey & the Bandit is on I will faithfully watch it even though I own it and can pretty much recite the whole movie from heart. I will also stop whatever I'm doing to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's, Almost Famous, Troop Beverly Hills, and Easy Rider.

Recently I watched Mamma Mia. It was OK. I've seen the play so I knew what I was in for. I do love Meryl Streep though. And, if Pierce Brosnan can get a role singing in a movie then I can still hope for my Broadway career (I can't carry a tune in a bucket).

On Sunday we went to the drive in to see The Goods with Jeremy Piven. The Pivs (as I like to call him) is a fabu actor and he always makes me laugh. And I did a lot of laughing during The Goods, however, it wasn't that great of a movie. I think that The Pivs has been type casted. He plays Ari Gold (his role on Entourage) so perfectly that I think he's destined to play the role of the over bearing smart ass for the rest of his life. Last night Keeping Up with the Steins (another movie The Pivs is in) was on WGN so I checked out a few minutes of that (even though that is a movie that I have actually seen before) and I realized that Ari Gold and his character in Steins is basically the same. Though he wasn't a Hollywood hot shot in The Goods his character was still very similar to his role on Entourage and Steins. I would like The Pivs to flex his acting chops a little more like he did in Old School where he played the loser Dean of Students. But don't worry, I haven't given up on The Pivs and will continue to be his fan (and one of his Twitter followers).

Last night we "rented" I Love You, Man (it was OnDemand and we paid $4.99 to watch it). It was good. Was it the best movie ever? No. Was it as hilarious as The Hangover? No. Did it keep me entertained and make me happy? Absolutely. I adore Paul Rudd. And I like Jason Segel (the guy who's "frontal" we saw way too much of in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which was also side splitting hysterical). I Love You, Man was what I would like to think of as a chick flick for guys (like a bromance? Cause it was kinda a love story about two guys becoming BFF). But it had dirty boy humor, lots of love for Rush (Rush is totally a man's band even though I love them), and a super cute dog.

Let's talk about the dog for a minute. The dog in this movie, Anwar (his real name, I IMDB'd it), is a Puggle. And though I've never discussed my love for Puggles on this blog (I don't think) I have been in love with this breed (a hybrid Pug and Beagle) forever. Our neighbors in our old apartment complex had a Puggle named Charlie and he was the cutest thing in the whole wide world.

So, anyway, I Love You, Man was definitely worth seeing.

I was checking HBO OnDemand (I have HBO now!) and I noticed that Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium is available. I think I might watch that later today. You know, whenever I hear the word "emporium" (which I think is on it's way out of our vernacular) it always makes me think of the days before CVS and Walgreen's when we would shop at Drug Emporium. I think emporium is a great word and I will do my best to bring it back from the edge of extinction.

I still haven't seen Funny People. I also want to see Inglorious Basterds, and that new Matt Damon movie. And of course, Taking Woodstock.

Perhaps if I can see all four in the next month or so I can write another movie post.

Until then I'll be on my couch watching Dazed & Confused for the 397th time.

They say everyone has a twin...

I love Seth Rogen.

I also love Curb Your Enthusiasm. 

Since we just got HBO we've been trying to take full advantage of it.  Especially since summer television sucks for the most part.  I know that a new season of Curb starts soon, and I can't wait.  But poor Jamie has never had HBO so he has never been exposed to the hilarity (and awkwardness) that is Curb.  So, after making him sit through an episode the other day he decided he liked it enough to start watching the first season.  We're about seven eps in so far.  And lemme tell ya, since the first season was way back in 2000 it's like watching brand new television for me, I barely remember any of them (except the infamous Richard Lewis fight outside the jewelry store - still pee in your pants funny).

I don't know if it's because I haven't watched Curb in a while since the break between last season and the upcoming season has been like 100 years or if it's because recently Seth Rogen is everywhere but something has started to drive me crazy.

I swear Jeff Garlin and Seth Rogen are the same person!

They say every person has a twin, and I certainly don't think these two look alike, but there are definitely some physical characteristics they share, but their voices?  Identical.

I promise.  Watch an ep of Curb and then watch a minute of any Seth Rogen scene from any Seth Rogen movie and you will see what I am saying.  It's uncanny.  And a little bit freaky.

I thought I found my voice twin once.  I was in the hall at my old job talking to someone and another person came around the corner calling "Elle."  I looked at the person doing the calling and she seemed surprised.  She said she heard me talking and thought I was Elle.  Huh.  The person I was talking to did agree that maybe I did sound like Elle.  So that afternoon I put on the radio (Elle is on the radio) and listened.  I totally sound just like Elle.  I was flabbergasted.  

Until no one else agreed with me.

At least I don't sound like Jeff Garlin.

Ode to the answering machine

Remember the answering machine?

The other day while leaving a message for a friend of mine who decided not to answer the phone I began screaming "wake up!" into her voice mail. 

Then it dawned on me.  She would never hear my pleas (and demands) until she was already awake and checking her voice mail.  Back in the olden days (and assuming the answering machine was positioned next to her bed) screaming "wake up!" would've woken her up because she would be able to hear the message I was leaving.  I guess an answering machine was the old timey way of screening phone calls.  

I think this antiquated equipment has a lot to offer.  For instance, I'm in the middle of leaving a message for you.  If you see that you've missed a call from me you go ahead and call me back.  But I'm still leaving you a message so either I have to quickly end my message by saying "oh, you're calling me now, bye" or ignore you beeping in, finish my message then when I hang up I have a message from you and now we're confused about who needs to call who back and we never get in touch with each other and I'm stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire (hypothetically speaking, of course).  

If Scenario A takes place and I click over while in the midst of leaving my message then I have to repeat everything I just said on your voice mail to you.  Which is annoying for me because I hate to have to repeat myself.  If this was an answering machine you would've heard the first part of my message and when you picked up we could've continued the conversation.

Answering machines also taught us patience back with everything wasn't so immediate and we weren't always in a hurry.  Remember when you would come home from school or an after school activity and the little red light on your machine was blinking telling you had a message?  The excitement and anticipation of pushing the play button and hearing who called you while you were gone was so exciting (but then it turned out to be a telemarketer).  That doesn't happen anymore.  We always have our cells with us.  If someone calls us, we know who is calling when they are calling.  If we don't answer the phone it is usually by choice.

My favorite answering machine story goes like this.  Years ago my parents gave my grandparents an answering machine (BTW, it's still in use today at Poppy's condo).  Since it's somewhat difficult (especially for grandparents) to figure out how to record the outgoing message for years and years when you called their house and the machine picked up the first thing you heard was my Gramma going "damn."

But, along with 45's, petticoats, non-digital broadcast television, and most importantly the land line, gone are the answering machines.

Unless you are my grandpa, because his is still alive and kickin.  But, ask him to check his voice mail on his cell phone and it's a whole different story.

Red Alert!

So, Twitter is down today.  I tried to log on this morning from my BlackBerry to write about how Jeremy Piven was awesome on GMA and how I could not wait to see The Goods next weekend.  Well, I couldn't get on to Twitter.  I figured it was my BlackBerry being stupid.

Then I got on my computer and could not get on either.  Then I logged on to Facebook where everyone was writing about Twitter being down.  Turns out, Facebook was intermittently out as well.  Super hackers.

An MSNBC article informed me that Twitter was being hacked and that's why no one could log on.  It also quoted a bunch of people screaming about how lost they are without Twitter.  That got me thinking...  Would I be lost without a website?  And the answer is no.

I rather enjoy the Internet.  I like reading blogs and playing online spades and Facebooking, but really, if I couldn't for a day or a month or forever I would OK.  I think as a culture we are too dependent and too addicted to the Internet.  But I think that's OK, because this is 2009 and why shouldn't we be?  You can't tell me that if your Grandpa didn't have a laptop while he was hiking seven miles, up hill, in the snow to school every day that he wouldn't have been checking his email.

I mean, if I didn't read www.dlisted.com (the best gossip blog ever, but not for the weak of heart or easily offended) I would totally suck at trivia and I would have no idea what Brad and Angelina are up to.  If I didn't Facebook I wouldn't know that half the people I'm friends with went to see Beyonce (which, they were all at the show updating their Facebook status about how amazing the show was but it seems to me that if they were screwing around on their phones updating their status then how much attention were they really paying to Beyonce?).  And, if I wasn't on Twitter then you wouldn't know that I had leftover rice for lunch (and really, isn't that a valuable thing for you to know?).  

So, people of 2009, take a deep breath.  Twitter will be back soon.  In the meantime, turn of the computer and go watch TV (or read a book if you even still know what a book is, and I'm talking a real book, not one of those Kindle things).

I'm may be going to hell in a handbasket (but at least I'm enjoying the ride)

So, I'm planning a playlist for a baby shower that I am hosting in a few weeks.  We're having it at my house which means I get to play DJ.  But also cause I have the best taste in music.  Instead of compiling a list of songs to play at a baby shower, here's a list of songs NOT to play at a baby shower:

• Toby Keith - Who's Your Daddy? - self explanatory
  
• The Beatles - I Want You (She's So Heavy) - cause pregnant ladies are heavy
  
• Three Dog Night - Mama Told Me (Not to Come) - cause if you listened to Mama you wouldn't be pregnant
  
• The Band - Rag Mama Rag - you go nine months without being on the rag 
• Elton John - The Bitch is Back - pregnant ladies are moody
• The Fifth Dimension - Wedding Bell Blues - unless the mother to be is married
• Jimmy Cliff - The Harder They Come - see above Mama Told Me (Not to Come)
• Tim McGraw - Red Ragtop - umm, it's about an abortion

Meanwhile, these are all songs my guests will be listening to.  It's going to be an awkward afternoon.

I'm kidding.  

Maybe.

Mission: Accomplished!

It took five trips, but it is done.  We are now the proud owners of a fancy (particle board) new wardrobe from Ikea.  It is built, mounted to the wall and full of clothes.  Yea!!!  Life is good.  Let's celebrate with a Blingee!

If you build it, they will come

Guess what I'm doing today?  Going to Ikea!

Guess how many times I've been to Ikea in the past forty eight hours?  FOUR!

No, I didn't get a job at Ikea, however after all the time I've spent there and all the employees I've dealt with, I should work there.  Let me start at the beginning.

I am a clothes collector.  I love clothes.  And though I really do wear just about everything in my closet, I have a lot of (too many?) clothes.  I have so many clothes that I filled up the big closet in our bedroom and the little closet in the second bedroom.  This left Jamie (who also has a pretty decent amount of clothes) with his stuff hanging on a temporary wardrobe rack from Target.  It's works just fine for his clothes, but it collapses a lot.  It's at least a year old and it's been moved and through all of that it's lost some pieces (like wheels) and it's been damaged a little bit.  So needless to say, it's not the sturdiest of furniture (?) anymore.  But it's done it's job.  It's also a huge eyesore.  The whole second bedroom is, so really it fits in to the aesthetics in that room.  Our house is cute and hip and in town, that room, however, is trailer trash.  But it has tons of potential because it has a really cute fireplace in it and lots of windows.  

But anyway, I want the true potential of that room to shine through (and also function as an actual bedroom for when people stay with us) so I've begun fixing it.  The first thing that needed to happen was getting rid of the clothes rack and upgrading to a wardrobe (or armoire depending upon which store you are shopping at and how much money you are spending because things with French names are expensive).  We looked online for wardrobes and found some really awesome ones for like thousands of dollars.  Then we found some on Craig's List but no one responded to my emails (if you're going to post something on Craig's List you must respond to all honest inquiries about your items.  It's polite.  A simple "Sorry, it's been sold" is completely acceptable because it is a response).

So Ikea it was for us.

We went on Thursday because I'll be damned if I'm going to attempt Ikea on a weekend.  Halfway there I realized that we probably should have taken my car instead of Jamie's if we decided to purchase (my car is bigger).  But since we were almost there and it was raining we didn't turn around.  After strolling through Ikea and looking at every wardrobe in the freakin' store (and almost getting in a fight with a seven year old kid because he was in my way) I found the one I wanted.  There was no aisle or bin number on it (which is how you find it in the warehouse) so I had to ask for help.  A curmudgeon was assigned to be my help.  He did help.  Sort of.  Anyway after explaining that I didn't want to buy the shelves and the baskets but just the wardrobe, the doors (because why would they come together?) and an additional rail he finally got me a print out of what I needed with the aisle and bin numbers (but that was also after he had to call for back up).  The back up lady, who was really nice, explained that you can't buy additional rails for this particular wardrobe because again, that would just make sense.  But, good news!  She had an extra one and had dropped it off in "As Is" a few days ago.  It probably hadn't sold yet so we could just go down there and get it.

Have you ever been to As Is?  Don't.  I mean in theory it's a great idea.  It's where all the slightly damaged and odd stuff ends up and you can buy things there cheap.  It's like the Ikea outlet.  But it's also huge and nothing is organized and there is junk all over the place.  I immediately went to the window for assistance.  A very nice man was helping me while Jamie dug through racks and racks of hardware.  Mr. Nice Man explained that there was so much stuff down there that it might be impossible for him to find our rail, even if it is down there.  Then we realized we didn't even know what the rail looked like.  So, we went back up to the wardrobe department, which means starting at the front of the store and working your way back and down because Ikea is a maze and there is only one way in and one way out.  We examined the rail in the floor model (considered taking it too) and went back to As Is.  Amazingly Jamie found the rail (and it was only $.30, yes cents!) but then we couldn't find the plastics pieces that snap into the side of the wardrobe that hold the rail in place.  Ugh.  We found some that will hopefully, probably work and we took them because I was over it by then.

But, because we took Jamie's Mazda and not my Jeep, we have to go home to get my car so all the boxes will fit.  So that's trip number two.

We get home and start assembling.  As I watch a lot of "This Old House" and have a knack for putting things together I assumed the role of Head Contractor and employed Jamie to be my assistant.  This thing we bought weighs over 100 pounds so I need his help moving some of the bigger pieces.  All is going swimmingly.  Until Jamie leaves to go make dinner (reheat meatloaf).  So, here I am all alone putting this thing together.  I need to shift it a little to the left so I can attach the top to the sides.  I'm sliding it by myself when it gets caught on the bottom of the fireplace and rips the left side.  I decide that it's not that bad and quit for dinner.

Friday afternoon I get home from the Food Bank and Jamie gets home from pre-planning at school and we get to work.  I decide to share with Jamie the boo boo I made last night and after examining it with fresh perspective I realize it's in bad shape, I really screwed up.  So, we load the busted piece in the car and go back to Ikea.  The girl at the exchange desk is super nice and helpful.  We even saw my friend from As Is and he smiles at us.  I have a feeling we're not the only people he sees two days in a row.  So Helpful Girl gets someone to bring up our wardrobe and after careful examination to make sure it's the same piece we get our new side and go home.  I quickly install it only to realize that it's the wrong freaking side.

Back to Ikea we go (this is now trip four).  Helpful Girl is laughing at us (in a good, friendly, I can totally relate way).  We are given a new side and PROMISED that it is the correct side.  We get home and it's not.  Of course.  By this point it's 8:30 and as much as I want to go back to Ikea immediately Jamie convinces me it's not a good idea.  So I do what anyone else would do, I freak out, I scream, I cry, I have a temper tantrum.  I am the kid who skipped nap time and is having a cranky freak out in the middle of the Kroger.  So we go to the bar and drink.  Meanwhile I call Ikea and after spending ten minutes getting through their automated system I get a human being on the phone.  He apologizes.  Whatever.  I explain that there is no way I can make it back to Ikea before they close (at this point that is in like five minutes) and request that for my troubles they accommodate me and go ahead and pull what I need so when I get there on Saturday (the busiest day in the Ikea week) I don't have to wait amongst the masses.  I am told this is not possible and he suggests I get to the store at 10am on Saturday when they open.  What he doesn't know is that I have plans for the morning and Jamie is getting up to go fishing and I can't possibly bring this 100+ pound piece of particle board back by myself.  So, here it is, almost 3pm on Saturday.  I'm waiting for Jamie to get home so we can go back to Ikea.  

Hopefully, the fifth time's a charm.

If not, I'm going back to Target, buying more clothes rack and that's the way it will be for the rest of my life.  I'm not a quitter but if it doesn't work out this time, then the sixth time I go back to Ikea will be to return this thing.  And, I will send the General Manager and President a snarky email about my experience.  And I will write it in Swedish.

As Promised...

Here is my AJC article from yesterday.  Enjoy!

These Things I Think About...

I don't know anything about Harry Potter.  I've never seen a single movie, I've never read a single book.  I know it's a big deal and I respect that.  I also know that there is a new HP movie out and though I won't be going to see it, I almost did by mistake.  See, the print ad for the new movie has Harry standing next to what looks like Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings.  I LOVE The Lord of the Rings (I'm such a nerd) and so when I see this ad (which I have a lot) I keep thinking there is some cool new LOTR thing out that I must go see immediately.  I thought that perhaps Sir Ian McKellen (who is Gandalf) was possibly in the HP movies, but I checked IMDB and he is not.  I say it's another case of the old bait and switch.  Nice move, HP.

So yesterday I had a bad stomach ache (and other side effects).  So I was resigned to the couch most of the day.  Luckily for me Jamie found a Brady Bunch marathon that we could watch.  I was mesmerized.  It's not that I was overly interested in the plot or the characters, but the clothes!  These episodes were from the later years when the kids are more "grown up" and the wardrobes are unbelievable.  I wish all of those trends were in style and available at Target.  From the short dresses, to the colors, the prints, the wide collars, and OMG, Peter had on this to die for double breasted, totally 70's sport coat.  It was love at first sight.  The only thing that should never come back is Carol Brady's feathered she-mullet.  Unfortunately for humanity I saw a few tonight at the Braves game.

AND, if you still subscribe (or pick up) the Atlanta Journal Constitution, I am on page D6 of the Business section today.  It's a totally fabu article about how awesome I am and how I'm unemployed and my story and this fairly decent picture of me.  The picture that was included is the one above.  Judge for yourself.  I couldn't find the article online, but tomorrow (or the next day) I will try to scan it so I can post it here.

Kisses, I'm off to watch a Daisy of Love clip show (oy).

Stage Fright

Being a child of the theatre, I was never one to have stage fright. While most of my contemporaries would get nervous just before the curtain was raised I maintained my "cool as a cucumber" disposition.

So why is it that now, now when my blog (this blog) might be getting more than two readers on a consistent (not regular) basis am I suddenly afraid to write? I guess the thought of knowing that maybe a few more people might actually be checking this thing out makes me nervous. I don't want to disappoint. I want to engage. Or get a laugh. Or something. I want some sort of reaction. So I've had stage fright and that's why I've been absent for a while.

I don't have much to report. I do have a job interview next week! Yea!!!

I'm very excited about it as this is a dream job at a great company. In the tradition of not wanting to jinx myself (because it's yet to work so far) I will not reveal the name of the company, or the position I am interviewing for. The only thing I will tell you is that it's in Atlanta. Inside the perimeter. That's all you're getting. Anyway, I'm prepping for this interview like crazy. It's not just that I want this job, it's that I need this job. Not because of money and benefits and all that stuff (but I do need all that stuff and the sooner the better), but for my own sanity. I can't take any more rejection from potential employers but also I'm bored. I am very afraid that my brain is turning to mush. I'm not using it like I used to and I'm afraid it's one of those things that if you don't use it you lose it, like calf muscles or something.

I keep myself engaged. I try to have thoughtful, smart conversations when the company is conducive to do so. I read. Not just People's and Entertainment Weekly's but books and magazines and newspapers and online articles. I practice keeping my brain agile with Sudoku (which I suck at) and other brain teasers. I stay social and whenever I'm at an event or concert I observe and make mental notes. But because I don't get to apply things to the real world, like at work, I feel it's all for not.

BTW, if you, potential employer, are reading this, I will so rock this job you won't know what you did without me.

But things are turning around. I've been unemployed for almost nine months. So it's my turn, right?