Stage Fright

Being a child of the theatre, I was never one to have stage fright. While most of my contemporaries would get nervous just before the curtain was raised I maintained my "cool as a cucumber" disposition.

So why is it that now, now when my blog (this blog) might be getting more than two readers on a consistent (not regular) basis am I suddenly afraid to write? I guess the thought of knowing that maybe a few more people might actually be checking this thing out makes me nervous. I don't want to disappoint. I want to engage. Or get a laugh. Or something. I want some sort of reaction. So I've had stage fright and that's why I've been absent for a while.

I don't have much to report. I do have a job interview next week! Yea!!!

I'm very excited about it as this is a dream job at a great company. In the tradition of not wanting to jinx myself (because it's yet to work so far) I will not reveal the name of the company, or the position I am interviewing for. The only thing I will tell you is that it's in Atlanta. Inside the perimeter. That's all you're getting. Anyway, I'm prepping for this interview like crazy. It's not just that I want this job, it's that I need this job. Not because of money and benefits and all that stuff (but I do need all that stuff and the sooner the better), but for my own sanity. I can't take any more rejection from potential employers but also I'm bored. I am very afraid that my brain is turning to mush. I'm not using it like I used to and I'm afraid it's one of those things that if you don't use it you lose it, like calf muscles or something.

I keep myself engaged. I try to have thoughtful, smart conversations when the company is conducive to do so. I read. Not just People's and Entertainment Weekly's but books and magazines and newspapers and online articles. I practice keeping my brain agile with Sudoku (which I suck at) and other brain teasers. I stay social and whenever I'm at an event or concert I observe and make mental notes. But because I don't get to apply things to the real world, like at work, I feel it's all for not.

BTW, if you, potential employer, are reading this, I will so rock this job you won't know what you did without me.

But things are turning around. I've been unemployed for almost nine months. So it's my turn, right?