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I'm not sure if "web tool" is the correct phrase for this, but this is definitely the coolest thing I've ever seen. Thanks to bestweekever.tv for exposing me to this awesomeness. The website is http://www.blingee.com/ and you can go there and upload a pic and bling it out and decorate it with cool and not so cool things like glitter, tiaras, a dude that I think is "crumping," Jack Daniels bottles, whatever!! You must go there at once and Blingee things.

So you probably really don't care, but...

Below is my response to a MySpace conversation I was having with a friend of mine (friend shall remain nameless to protect our insane conversational topics).

Friend presented me with the suggestion of making ray-guns that can turn ugly people attractive and vice versa (this convo is also assuming that the two of us are on the attractive side of the argument, I think). Here is my response. I think I might be certifiably insane, but I do raise some good points.

That presents the classic conundrum. There would be some people (handsome or not) that would simply abuse the powers of said ray-gun and not return people to their regular "attractive" life (ed. note, the gun in theory at the beginning would only be used to make people more or less attractive during conversations with them). And I have a feeling that it would eventually lead to a Sneeches (see Dr. Seuss) type problem. Besides this whole concept (while seemingly fun) would inevitably backfire causing our society, as it is, to become even more shallow and superficial than it already is. Besides if I'm prettier than, let's say, Angelina Jolie, will I be forced to have to live her life? As hot as Brad Pitt is, I don't want to be married to him and have, what I believe is the most recent and accurate count, 7,483 children, all from different lands. I'm just not that nice or caring (or patient) of a person. And that leads me to my next point, seeing as some people are better humanitarians than others, wouldn't we lose that all as the presumed ugmos become pretty and therefore get so self involved they forget about freeing Tibet or protecting the polar bears and do nothing but stare at their hot looks all day and neglecting the things that really need to be done? And in order to free Tibet and all that jazz wouldn't all the "pretty" people decide to become ugly so they could in fact focus on all the selfless acts that need to be executed and therefore the entire world shifts into an endless "Freaky Friday?" For the love of all ugly people, and if your ray-gun plan comes into effect, I think that Dr. Seuss' The Sneeches does in fact need to become our new Declaration of Independence (or atleast our Declaration of I'm OK with Myself and My Looks).

Whew, I'm worn out now.

Good thing I still don't have a job. If I did I wouldn't be able to get so heated over the discussion of a fancy ray-gun that alters the appearance of others. Plus, isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder? And, if I think a person is attractive and if someone else didn't agree they might alter the attractive person's looks and then I couldn't be friends with them anymore because at the end of the day I'm only friends with pretty people.

Literacy-conomics

I've been wanting to do some reading lately since I have all this time on my hands. I started last week by re-reading a book I have already read. But since I read it so long ago I didn't remember very much about it (besides the basic plot) and really enjoyed it the second time around. In case you are curious, I re-read Villa Incognito by Tom Robbins. Tom Robbins is quite possibly my favorite author. I have read all of his novels (he has a collection of short stories I have not read, but plan to, but I'll get to that later in Literacy-conomics). And enjoyed all of them immensely. Jitterbug Perfume is my fave if you are looking for a recommendation. In fact, I would like to re-read all of his stuff. Some of you nay-sayers might accuse me of not branching out, and I would have to agree, to a point. Is there anything wrong with re-watching a movie you've seen before? What about watching a rerun of your favorite show? Yeah? How about listening to the same songs over and over again. I'm not talking about putting a song on repeat, but you know just as well as I do that there have been times you've left the same CD in the CD player only to listen to it so many times that you can't hear one song without your brain immediately wanting to hear the next song on the album. When was the last time you updated your iPod playlist? I use my iPod everyday in the gym and haven't updated the songs on it in a month. I did a really good job of creating the ultimate cardio mix (you probably wouldn't like it because I do think that Billy Joel makes excellent treadmill tunes, so does his long lost brother Elton John) so I see no reason to change it in the near future. It's sort of like that. Plus we as humans are creatures of habit.

So anyway, my point in this post is something I just made up called Literacy-conomics. Instead of buying a new book, re-read the ones you already paid for. Or, better yet, find some equally literate friends and have a book trading party (hence me borrowing Tom Robbins short stories collection from my Mom because she already paid for it). Yeah, I know, you could just go to the library and do the same thing, but you (or someone you know) already paid for the books on your shelves, why not get the biggest bang for your buck. I read The Great Gatsby in high school. I don't remember it but I do remember enjoying it. So I'm going to re-read it because in high school they force you to buy the books so you can highlight stuff and annotate them and read more into passages than the author could've ever contemplated. But that's besides the point. The point is I have a perfectly good copy of The Great Gatsby sitting at home and instead of going to the book store and browsing the shelves (yeah, again, I know, I could totally go to the library) I'm going to browse my own shelves and save some money (Ha! You can't save money at the library when you can incur late fees). If I enjoyed the stories the first time around I'll probably enjoy them again, and if not, then I'll have a better perspective on how through the years my tastes and viewpoints have changed.

And that is what I call Literacy-conomics. Because it's literate to read and it's economical to not spend money when you don't really have any money to spend.

One last thought (plug)... When Jen Lancaster's (please read http://www.jennsylvania.com/) new book, Pretty in Plaid comes out I will be going to the bookstore to buy it because I like Jen (I don't know her, personally) and I want to support her. So that is economical in the sense that if I buy her book then she makes money and she can continue her career as a writer and write more books thus giving me plenty of fun AND NEW things to read.

Britney Spears

I haven't really used this forum to discuss Britney Spears.  I think she gets enough attention and though I like to read other bloggers blog about her (www.dlisted.com, for the love of whatever you believe in, please read this blog, it's the first thing I check in the morning) I've never felt it necessary to comment on her crazy ass.  But today, being bored, and a tad curious I decided to check out how much tickets are to see her at Philips Arena in March.  Let me go over to Ticketmaster...  WHAT?  $549 for something called the Toxic VIP Package!  At that price the In The Zone Package at $349.50 seems like a bargain.  Really, who is paying over $1k for the Toxic VIP Package?  One package only comes with one ticket and privileges for one person so you totally have to buy two unless you wanna go by yourself and be "that guy.”  For the price of one Toxic VIP Package I could buy 555 $.99 Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers at Wendy's, almost 2 sets of Sex & the City The Complete Series (Collector's Gift Set, natch), or 27 copies of Dancing to the Music in My Head: Memoirs of the People's Idol by Sanjaya Malakar and Alan Goldsher (cause if I'm going to download the album I totally need to read the book first, yeah, did you see that the American Idol reject, Sanjaya, has an album coming out?  You have to check out the album cover.  Hilars.).  Hmm.  I'll guess I'll be sitting nosebleed cause those tickets are only $39.50 before Ticketmaster rapes me with fees.  That sounds more reasonable.  A good wallet raping and money left over for the regular size Bacon Cheeseburger at Wendy's!  Brit Brit would be so proud.

Bee-Tee-Dubs, I know the above pic was from the MTV awards a year or so ago pre full on comeback, but really, does she look fat there?  I don't think so.  If that's fat then help me because I must be more than morbidly obese (and I'm pretty healthy).  No wonder so many girls (and boys) have eating disorders if this is what America considers fat.

I Heart New York

I have two things to talk about and since both involve NYC, why not combine them?  

The first is last night's ep of Ugly Betty.  That show never ceases to amaze me.  It was a little sappier than I normally like from my comedy's (the heart attack, the broken engagement, I'm trying to be vague here so I don't spoil it for anyone that has it on their DVR and is trying to find the time to watch it), but none the less totally hilars.  Nikki Blonsky's was incredible and I hope that she has a reoccurring role on the show.  She's a great nemesis for Betty.  And can I just say that I love Amanda.  She wasn't too featured last night, but she is the best.

The other thing having to do with NYC is The City.  It's the The Hills spinoff (which is a Laguna Beach spinoff in case you've been living in 2004 since, well, 2004).  I didn't think I would like The City.  Whitney was always the vanilla ice cream in the Neapolitan box.  And I'm more of a mix all the flavors together and cover in syrup, Cool Whip and cookie crumbs girl myself (over accessorizing ice cream is so not a faux pas).  But now being three eps in I've found myself enjoying it.  So here are my Top Nine Reasons (I think Letterman has trademarked Top Ten lists)…

Why I Love The City:

9. NYC is way more glamorous than LA

8. Debutantes

7. That Olivia girl looks like the love child of Lauren and a pre-op Heidi

6. A hairy, gruff man with an Australian accent

5. Whitney, Olivia, and Erin are totally bringing back baby banana clips

4. In the opening credits they show some guy named Adam and I'm pretty sure this Adam person hasn't been on a single episode so far (I love a mysterious man) **UPDATE Adam is Jay's roommate and knowing this I do believe he's had a total of 39 seconds of screen time cumulatively.

3. Erin's colorfully decorated apartment (why so much beige girls on The Hills?)

2. I have a feeling by mid-season the Uptown "Art Dealer Kid" Crowd and the Downtown "Hipster" Crowd will rumble West Side Story style with Whitney and Jay being a modern day Tony and Maria (but without all that dying)

1. Two words: NO SPENCER

And that is why I am currently infatuated with New York City (oh! and I just rewatched The Devil Wears Prada and in my opinion that movie has a way of romanticizing NYC much like Sex & the City does).

Atlanta, we've been dumped...

Yes, I'm posting again today.  And again, I'm not posting about the happiest of topics, but this needs to be addressed.  

As you may or may not know I am a big baseball fan and a HUGE Braves fan.  So it broke my heart today to find out that John Smoltz is leaving the Braves to go to the Red Sox.

John Smoltz isn't just any Braves player, he is the Braves.  He's a career player and has played his entire 20+ year career with the Braves.  Of course this is a money issue.  Smoltzy (as us fans call him) has turned down better offers in the past to stay in Atlanta, but for some reason, late in his career he's leaving Atlanta and moving to Boston.  And you guessed it, it's for more money.  The Sox offered him a better guarantee than Atlanta did, but after reading somethings about the deal that we offered him there was huge potential there to make way more than the guarantee.  I have no problem with the Red Sox.  They're a fun team to watch and a great team (if you're into that whole American League thing) but why did they have to take our Smoltzy?  Of course I have a feeling that Smoltz will only pitch a handful of games and I wonder if he'll even be a starter.  He had major surgery last season and only pitched a few games (but enough to score his 3,000th career strike out, which I was there to see) and many (myself included) didn't think he'd pitch again.  I've heard that Smoltz wasn't into coaching (because as much as I love Bobby Cox he is going to have to retire at some point and Smoltz would be an awesome replacement) but I think with Skip (Caray) passing and Pete (Van Wieren) retiring that Smoltz could've taken over as being the voice of the Braves and called the games.  He's sat in the booth plenty of times and done stuff for both TV and radio and he's very funny and personable.  I think he would be the perfect replacement and a voice and personality that the fans could not only relate to but trust and admire.  

So anyway, Smoltz is moving to Boston.  I feel confident that when the day comes that Smoltz (along with Glavine and Maddux) get inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame that he will go in as an Atlanta Brave.

I'm still looking forward to baseball season and watching my Braves.  It's going to be a rebuilding year (much like last year) with a lot of new guys and some big changes.  But we'll succeed.  We are America's team!

This one is for you... Whoever you are.

I realized the other day that people (or person) are actually commenting on some of my posts.  That's freakin' awesome!  That means that people (or person) are reading this blog.  Super cool.  So, something that one commenter who goes by Secret Admirer asked me to write about is "doggie arthritis."

One of the following three things are going on here, either SA knows that Boomer (by BFF) suffered from arthritis, or SA is horribly confused and thinks this is a vet (like animal doctor, not ex armed forces) or dog blog, or SA is trying to be funny by making me write about something I really don't know much about. 

But, since I lived through Boomer's struggle with his arthritis I can share my experiences.

I believe that canine arthritis (wow, I sound like I do know what I'm talking about) is more common in bigger dogs since small dogs have small bones and joints and are closer to the ground.  So Boomer, being a big dog (pictured above) developed arthritis.  It was hard for him to get up and down and towards the end he could only stand or lay down, sitting was no longer an option.  We'd also have to help him up if he had been laying down too long or fell (which he did and it broke my heart every freakin' time).  At my parents house (where Boomer lived all his 15 years) there are no stairs except for two small brick ones going from the back door to the backyard.  Eventually the stairs became a pain in the ass for him so my Dad built basically a handicap ramp going from the door to the yard.  Problem solved.  The only other major issue with his arthritis (besides the concern of his QUALITY of life) was it was hard for him to "squat" to go poo.  But he managed.   

I guess the gist of it all is to talk to your vet and investigate arthritis meds.  The ones we tried Boomer on made him sick and he threw up (which was gross, but he liked to throw up, he used to eat sticks just so he could come back inside and throw it up - it was my Mom's favorite game since she usually got to clean up).  But you can also give your dog a Pepcid (like what people take) with the meds to settle the dogs tummy.  The other thing to do is to make sure you're home is as arthritis friendly as it can be.  Watch your dog and see what is giving him problems.  Also, talk to your vet (seriously, this is so important anyway) to make sure that the dog isn't in a great deal of pain.  Again, it's QUALITY of life over QUANTITY of life.  You don't want your dog to suffer.  I feel confident that at no point during Boomer's 15 years was he ever totally uncomfortable or suffering in any way.

One more point, when we were dealing with this with Boomer someone told us of a woman that does water therapy with arthritic dogs and supposedly it can make a world of difference (do they do this with arthritic people too?).  If you have the money and can find someone in your area that's a great option to look in to.  When we learned of this treatment Boomer was so old and I was under the impression that taking him out of the house and putting him a pool and making him do new and different things would've caused more stress on him than it was worth, even if he might've felt a tad bit better.

I would like to close by reinforcing the fact that I AM NOT AN EXPERT, A VET, OR AN ARTHRITIS DOCTOR so please don't take anything I say for fact.  I'm only sharing my experiences.  Please consult a professional.  The only thing I can tell you with 100% certainty and absolutely no doubt is to love your dog unconditionally and value each and every second you spend with him.  It's been nine months since Boomer left and I miss him every day like it just happened.  

So, readers, I like it when you suggest topics for me to blog about, or maybe I can answer some questions for you so let me know what you want to know.  My only request, next time, let's keep it a little more upbeat.  No more illness talk.   

ShamWow Vince vs Billy Mays

Let's take a break from all that "I have no job" crap to discuss something more pressing. Something that's been on my mind for a while.

First of all, let me preface this by saying that I love TV. I watch TV a lot because I enjoy it. I like all aspects of TV, I like the drama, the comedy, the utter ridiculousness (Rock of Love Bus anyone?), and the important issues I learn about (baking soda and water can cure heart burn). And to go back to that "I have no job" crap, I've been watching more TV than ever lately because, well, "I have no job."

And this leads me to wonder, Billy Mays or ShamWow Vince?

Billy Mays, purveyor of such wonderful things such as OxiClean, Mighty Mendit, the Big City Slider Station, Easy Off Bam!, and Mighty Putty, has had my heart for a while. I will buy (or want to buy and whine about it) anything he is hocking no matter how absurd or how useless the product would be in my life (when am I ever going to make sliders?). I learned to trust Mr. Mays a few years ago when, oh no! I got red wine on a white sweater! What to do? I thought the sweater would forever be banished to the back of my closet eventually making it to Goodwill. But no, after discovering a tub of OxiClean in the laundry room, making a quick paste (lots of parts OxiClean to one drop of water), smothering said paste on my wine stain and running the sweater through the wash (it was not cashmere, for if it was it would've gone straight to the cleaners and I would've never discovered my trust and belief in Billy Mays) the wine stain was gone!! Not just a lighter shade of pink, but completely, 100% gone! I was hooked. I was a new believer and that faith went to Billy Mays. I don't care that he didn't invent OxiClean, I don't care that he had nothing to do with stain coming out, all I care about is that he is the one that opened my eyes to OxiClean and thus saved my sweater (which BTW, I don't have anymore because on further investigation a year later I realized that the sweater was ugly).

If I had a need for any of his other products and could justify the $19.95 (plus shipping and handling which they now call processing and handling) and going against everything my mother taught me about never buying stuff from the TV I would order up some of his stuff in a minute. So, the other day (like three months ago) I'm at Mecca (Target) and walking down the half of the store I never venture to (the automotive/sports equipment/baby junk half) and what do I see, but an end cap with lots of "crap" on it and every single item has none other than Billy Mays' picture on them! OMG! I stopped and marveled. Here were products that he endorses that I have never seen a commercial for. Like I could've (and almost did) bought this weird engraver thing. I could've engraved my name on numerous household items like the TV remote, a fork, my car keys, and anything else (thus causing complete confusion in my house because we adhere to the Golden Rule stating if it has my name on it do not touch it). And, this engraver thing, it came in pink. It took every ounce of will power to put it back and walk away. And I did. But obviously I'm not over it as I'm still thinking and talking about it.

I think the thing that gets me about Billy are his persuasive techniques. He talks loudly (yells) and points a lot, he explains exactly why I need this product in my life (yep, he is pretty much a life saver when you get caught in those unfortunate situations like your pants splitting - thanks Mighty Mendit), and he's not afraid to risk his life to convince me of all these things (have you seen him in that wind tunnel with the flag or on that airplane with the skydiver?). Plus, he always, ALWAYS, will double the offer if you call now.

I was so sure my love for Billy Mays could never waver until I "met" ShamWow Vince. A Google search of "ShamWow Vince" took me to his Wikipedia page. His real name, Vince Offer. Ok, there is no better name for someone who is slinging deals on TV than Offer. I mean come on! He literally will make you an Offer you can't refuse. If you live under a rock (read = don't watch TV) then you are missing out on the ShamWow. It's an amazing towel thing that will retain more than five million times (approximately) its weight in water. It's pretty incredible. It's also machine washable and as Vince points out, will last you ten years (10 YEARS!) versus the regular sponge that lasts a week (unless you're me, in which case they will last a few minutes because sponges are breeding grounds for awful things like salmonella and the Ebola virus).

Vince went away for a while and then came back recently with a new product. Or rather a new improvement on an old product. This one, the Slap Chop, is amazing. It's like your average chopper (my Gramma had one) where you put the food that needs to be chopped underneath it and then you push down on the plunger thingy and blades come down and chop your food. The Slap Chop is pretty awesome because the blades rotate every time you push you the plunger thingy. So you can not only chop, but dice. Plus, amazingly, it also will somehow peel garlic and onions! And the beauty of this Slap Chop? It completely opens for easy cleaning. Like the housing mechanism for the blade pops opens completely like a flower so you can really clean all the nooks and crannys (mmmm, Thomas' English Muffins). I cried for one the other night when I was chopping an onion and started, well crying. If I had the SlapChop I wouldn't have shed a tear and it wouldn't have taken me an entire Friends rerun to chop one stupid (delicious) onion.

Plus, PLUS, Vince wears one of those Gwen Stefani/Janet Jackson type microphones that attach to your ear. Everyone looks cool wearing one of those. But, Billy Mays is so loud that he doesn't even need a mic. Hmmm...

After all this heavy debating, all the pro/con lists I've made, and the nights I've tossed and turned in bed (I desperately need a new pillow), I'm stuck. My brain is leaning towards Vince. He's young, he's new, he's energetic, he's funny (fettuccine, linguine, martini, bikini), and he has great aim (he throws the old chopper over his shoulder and lands in the sink behind him!!). But he only reps two products. Though I would love to have a Slap Chop I've made it this far without one (and still have all ten fingers) and though I think the ShamWow is neat, I don't think it can do anything that my kitchen dish rag can't.

I am declaring the winner Billy Mays! He has more products I secretly (and not so secretly) pine for. He was the original. And he's funny! Check out this Billy Mays ESPN360.com ad he did. I saw it run during some football game I wasn't paying attention to. Hilars! Besides, he has a beard (and in the above ad, so does his family! Love it!).

I've done the liberty of YouTubeing the ShamWow commercial, the Slap Chop commercial, and two of my fave Billy Mays the Mighty Putty commerical and the Mighty Mendit commercial.

Addendum

I'm back from the Dept of Labor. It only took an hour and a half. Really! I was out of there by 10am (9:56 to be exact). So that wasn't a big deal. It was boring but now it's done and I feel like I accomplished something.

And I got good news! My car will be ready today. I'm going to get it after lunch. I'm so excited. I was only car less for 24 hours. And it all worked out. BTW, I borrowed my Dad's Nissan Titan to get to and from the Dept of Labor and I felt like such a bad ass driving that big ol' truck. So, I will no longer be car less. And hopefully I will get approved for unemployment and have some sort of income. I think the max you can get is $300, which certainly won't pay my rent, but it will help. I feel that January is my month and hopefully I'll have a job in a week or two and all will be good. It would be great to call he Dept of Labor and tell them thanks but no thanks. I'm feeling very optimistic now.

So nothing else interesting has happened. I have no fun stories to share. But I promise I'll do my best to get into a hilarious situation or have some great epiphany so I can come back here real soon and share it with you.

My Outing for Today...

So here I am at the GA Dept of Labor. It's now 8:40am and I've been here for 10 minutes. I'm blogging now via an email I will send myself since it's too hard to access the internet from my BlackBerry. So later, when I get home I will copy and paste this on to my blog.

I just got annoyed because some girl just came and sat right next to me. I hate that. There are 100 empty chairs and she sat between me and some larger gentleman.

So anyway, sorry I haven't blogged in a while. The holidays and Jamie being off work for almost 3 weeks left me unmotivated. But now it's time to get back to reality. The job hunt is the same. Still waiting to continue the interview process for the job I really want.

Side note, the girl just got up. Whew.

So this places is packed. There are even signs by the door that say the wait could be 2 hours or more because of the rise in unemployment. Great.

It's been 30 minutes now...

So let me fill you in on my car situation. As you know back in November I got rear ended. Blah blah blah. That's when I was driving the Charger. So the check engine light in my car came on once and I took it back to the shop. The guy "cleared the code" and the light went off. Well last week the light came back on. So I dropped it off at the shop yesterday and they had to send it to a dealership so yours truly is without a car. This whole situation is frustrating to say the least. At least I don't have a job to go to, right?