Oh Crap. Literally.

So Jamie and I got home from trivia last night around 11:00.  (As usual, we came in first place.  It's hard being so smart sometimes.)  

I went to use the facilities and when I flushed the toilet, it didn't work right.  It didn't overflow, but it filled up with a ton of water and stopped.  I didn't do "long term business" so there wasn't anything in there out of the ordinary or enough of anything to stop up the toilet.  Jamie got the plunger and plunged.  I was going to get in the shower so while he was in full plunge mode I opened the shower door.  

AHHHHHHHHH!

The shower was full of water and stuff that I can only describe as filth.  It's black and weird and gross and smelly.  As Jamie continued to plunge the toilet I noticed that as he moved the plunger up and down water (and shreds of toilet paper) came out of the shower drain causing more filth and more water to fill up in the shower.  I was pissed.  It wasn't anyone's fault (well, maybe it is, we'll find out later) but what an inconvenience.  

So the plumbers are here now.  At first there was just one.  Now there are two.  And lots and lots of weird machines.  I have them working on the toilet in the laundry room (the secret toilet) so my bathroom doesn't get more gross than it is (it's not gross, the shower is).  My toilet is now sitting on a red carpet (I guess it's a VIP) in my kitchen.  Loud noises and such are coming from the laundry room where I assume the toilet once sat.  

Obviously our plumbing is clogged.  The upstairs neighbor isn't home and when I knocked on his door last night to see if he too was having issues he didn't answer.  I thought he was probably asleep until Jamie and I heard him walking around.  Maybe he's a inappropriate flusher.

The only saving grace to all of this will be if they pull something really cool out of the plumbing, like a tea pot or a Tonka truck or a really big diamond.  

I just hope they get whatever it is today because I would like to take a shower.

(In case you were wondering, no, I did not get to shower last night, but I woke up really early this morning and went to my parents to shower.  So I am clean.)

(Oh, and when we woke up this morning the shower and toilet had drained so we have been able to pee.  The shower is still disgusting because all that filth is still in there.  And what sucks the most is that just last weekend, not even five days ago, Jamie cleaned the crap out of the shower.  Oh well, looks like later today he will be literally cleaning the crap out of the shower again).

The pic above is what will forever be referred to as my VIP Throne given the red carpet and all.

Good good readin!

A couple of weeks ago I was so excited.  Why?  Because two of my favorite authors, Tom Robbins and Jen Lancaster, had new books out.  

Mr. Robbins' book, "B Is For Beer" (I would've underlined the title as that is what you are supposed to do, but this blog system doesn't have an option for that, I could go in and write the HTML code for it, I do know how to do that, but I don't feel like it) came out first so naturally I read it first.  The book was angled as a children's book for adults and an adult book for children.  And it was.  I read it in a day.  It was good (short with large print) but it wasn't what I wanted from Tom.  But I'll read anything he writes because I love him that much.  Please read "Jitterbug Perfume" it is my favorite book he has written.

Then Jen Lancaster's new book "Pretty in Plaid" came out and I read it in four days.  I tried to take my time with it (I would've read it one day because she is that good) but I wanted to savor the book.  But I couldn't.  She's too funny.  I suggest you go out and purchase it and read it immediately.  If you're not a lame-o with no sense of humor than you too will probably finish it in record time because no matter what you will not be able to put it down.

Because I feel obligated and I think it is the right thing to do (and if anyone ever wrote about me I'd want them to include my link) you can click here to visit Tom Robbin's website and here to visit Jen Lancaster's blog (which is totally hilars).

I was going to blog some more today but my stomach is acting up again.  I've had a stomach ache since Saturday (and a high fever Saturday night). Oh woe is me.   

I spy...

I'm sitting at the Starbucks on Chamblee Dunwoody next to the Goldberg's and here is what I see.

A very skinny lady where very tight pants that make her ass look like she's wearing a diaper. If it wasn't for her seemingly young age I would think that maybe she was. But maybe it's laundry day and all she had left were big granny panties?

2 adorable old ladies eating their fancy beverages with whipped topping and all like ice cream cones.

A table full of business types with large portfolios and Prada purses.

Mothers with screaming children. I dislike kids.

A man sleeping. Yep, sleeping in a big easy chair. I hope he doesn't have anywhere to be any time soon.

A blond lady on her lap top. She could be working but more than likely downloading porn.

From my vantage point I see a hipster couple, a bald man reading the paper, a creepy dude pacing around outside.

Then there's me, sitting in the corner drinking my passion iced tea feeling embarassed because I ordered a small instead of saying "tall."

You don't have email?

I understand that people my generation are considered (generally speaking) early adapters.  Meaning we are the firsts to use and indulge in new technology.  We were the firsts to get the Internet, we were the firsts to use email and cell phones (after all didn't you see us in line to get the iPhone when it came out?), it is thanks to us that Nintendo Wii's and Playstations and such have high sales.  I understand all of this.  But after working in an office with people a few generations ahead of me and watching them learn and embrace the powers of PowerPoint presentations, BlackBerry's, and email I do believe that you can "teach an old "person" new tricks" especially when it makes their life easier.  Remember when you would be using your old faithful typewriter to prepare a report or presentation only to make a huge mistake half way down the page and have to start all over or run the risk of having little white out globs all over your page?  Gone are those days thanks to word processors and spellcheck.

This is why it baffles me that today I'm on the phone with a restaurant owner (OWNER not manager not busboy but OWNER) and he tells me that he doesn't use email.  This man owns an incredibly successful establishment and he operates email-less.  I understand some people may completely understand the power of email and make a conscious decision to not use it opting for a "simpler," lower-tech lifestyle.  But this man runs a successful business (I will keep saying it because his business is crazy successful and has been for some time now).  

You can log on to virtually any ISP or search engine and in a few seconds (SECONDS) have an email address.  I just don't get it.  I get that people that like to forward crap like stupid jokes and chain letters (forward this to ten people in the next 15 seconds or your hair will all fall out, your dog will hate you, and you'll be forced to eat liver & onions for the rest of your life) and crap like that are extraordinarily annoying, but email can be a good thing, especially when you are running a business (and there is this wonderful thing called the delete button, probably the second best invention since email).  

There is something to be said for the art of conversation.  I agree that it is much nicer to catch up with a friend via the phone or over cocktails than it is via email, but email is a convenience.  It's easier to shoot someone a quick thought or question without having to go through the formality of a conversation (yes, I do believe as a people we are getting lazy and losing valuable social skills our forefathers once possessed and perfected).  But it is the way things are, a sign of the times and I believe if you are running a successful business then you should have an email address.  

The picture above has nothing to do with this post.  Our front yard is so pretty in full bloom I took a photo with my BlackBerry (which I use to send emails, text messages, and make phone calls to arrange face to face meetings).  This picture doesn't do the beauty justice.  If you'd like to come over and see for yourself and enjoy a little human interaction, email me.

Oh! What a feeling.

I can't tell you how many jobs I've applied for.  I'm keeping a list but it's too long and upsetting for me to tally them all up.  Every time I get a lead for a job and I apply I always get a "butterfly in the tummy" feeling of excitement, hope, and optimism.  Clearly I've applied for a kajillion jobs and I've had about a thousand interviews and obviously no one has hired me (yet).  Even after the months of rejection and apprehension I still get all giggly and giddy every time I apply for a job.

I got an email from a friend of mine today.  It was a forward from another person I happen to know (not well, this person is someone I dealt with once at my old job) about an amazing opportunity at an incredible company.  So I jumped and applied.  I got an email back from the person and they were very positive about my cover letter and resume and told me that they think I would be a great fit.  WOW!!!

I'm not to going to start calling people and tell them about the new job I hope I get, but it's still reassuring.  I still have those butterflies in my tummy and it feels great.  So keep your fingers crossed for me.  This would be the opportunity of a lifetime.  But don't ask me what it is (yet anyway) because I do not want to jinx it.

Tuesday Thoughts

Here are some Tuesday thoughts I would like to share...

1.  Dear 24, Now that Jack has successfully (duh) saved the world (again) you are going to spend the last two hours of the show in some bunk ass story line involving everyone's least favorite character Kim?  Remember that season when she got lost in the woods and was almost eaten by a mountain lion?  Yeah, I wish that lion would come back and eat her now because she's annoying.  Way to ruin a great season by BSing your way through the last two hours.  I hope you impress me.

2.  I love roulette.  I don't think I mentioned yesterday that while in New Orleans we spent 30 minutes (literally just half an hour) at Harrah's.  I wanted to play the Wheel of Fortune slots (my last gambling experience won me lots of money at the WoF slot) but they didn't have any.  I played the knock off version, didn't get to spin the wheel once and lost $10.  Then I went to the roulette table.  I went in to the casino (before the slots) with $40 (if I had planned better I probably would've brought more money) and left the casino (after the slots and the roulette table) with $53, in case you can't do math, I was up $13.  Pretty damn good.  Of course, Jamie left the casino up $53.  And he won it all at roulette.

3.  WGN is playing first season Cosby Show episodes.  I love that.

4.  I need to go to the grocery store.  We usually go on Sunday's, but since we got home late from New Orleans we didn't go.  Oatmeal and Goldfish (the crackers, not the kind you win for knocking the monkey in the barrel at the fair) do not make for an incredibly nutritious or filling meal.

5.  Thanks to my new TV in my kitchen (where I do my best blogging) I now know that in addition to WGN showing first season episodes of The Cosby Show they are also showing one of my favorite movies, Parenthood, tonight at 8pm.

6.  The Real Housewives of NYC reunion is tonight.  I'm sure I'll be on Twitter throughout (as usual).  I'm going to go ahead and watch Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight to see if I mesh well with those ladies.

7.  I'm just about wrapped up with the neighborhood fundraising project I'm working on.  It feels good to accomplish a project you're getting paid to do (like having a job!).

8.  I really don't like Coldplay's music, but everywhere I go it is playing.

9.  If you haven't seen Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg's follow up to "D**k In A Box" you must got watch it now.  It's called "Mother Lover" or something like that and it is major hilars.

10.  The Braves have now won three in a row!  

And that is what I have to say today.

You Can Have Your Etouffee And Eat It Too

Hello!  I'm back from New Orleans.  And boy was it fun (and dirty).

I've never been to New Orleans before but I would like to go back.  

We got in on Thursday around 5pm (I think).  I don't care what anyone says, it is a long drive from Atlanta (but I'm also terribly impatient in the car).  All of the roads in New Orleans are one way and it's confusing so it was necessary that Jamie had to take the wheel.  We checked into our hotel, The Baronne Plaza Hotel in the business district (I love any hotel with the word Plaza in it since that is where Eloise lives) and I had to get changed for the "bachelorette party."  The girls met up at some place called DBA.  It's a bar with live music.  The band that was playing when we got there was very New Orleans sounding so when I walked to other side of the bar to check them out I realized that none other than my "friend" Paul Sanchez was playing (he used to be in Cowboy Mouth until he left the band a year or two ago).  It's always cool to see someone you know in a different city (when you weren't expecting to see them because obviously we saw people we knew at the wedding).  Here's something I didn't know about New Orleans.  You walk everywhere.  Which I don't mind, but it would've been nice to know ahead of time because I would've rethought my wardrobe (shoes).  I wore these cute wedges to the party and I've had them for years and worn them a bunch, but I guess I had never done too much walking (or dancing) in them so by the time we got back to meet up with the boys (no boys at a bachelorette party) my feet were killing me.  Like I could barely walk.  Like I made Jamie take a $4 cab ride with me the four blocks back to our hotel.  For reals.

Saturday Jamie and I went on a mission.  For some reason we decided we needed to find and eat at a Kosher deli.  So, Paul (or Frank or Shawn or something, I don't remember his name), the valet at the Dauphine Orleans hotel (where everyone else we knew was staying) called the Jewish gardener (no lie, the gardener at the hotel is Jewish) and asked him for a recommendation.  He referred us to a place called Stein's.  But we couldn't walk there (because of my feet and because it was far away from where we were in the French Quarter).  So Jamie and I had an adventure on the trolley car.  Once we got off the trolley we asked a nice lady at a bus stop (New Orleansers (?) are very polite and helpful) which way Jackson Avenue was (we were on St. Charles).  We were about four blocks away so I hobbled (Jamie walked) and we stumbled upon Stein's purely by luck.  I had a delicious bagel (they get them in daily from H&H in NYC).  After we ate we trekked back to the trolley and back to the French Quarter.  Here's something else I learned.  You stroll in New Orleans, you don't walk.

We walked around and saw the sights and smelled the smells.  Seriously, Bourbon Street smells.  We walked down it in the middle of the day and it wasn't crowded but it totally smelled like puke and sweat and pee and other nasty things I could not identify.  And there are "gentlemen's clubs" everywhere.  I didn't realize there was so many strip clubs in such close proximity in New Orleans.  Larry Flynt has two clubs within two blocks!  There was one club, and again, this is like at 1pm, with a window and a girl in a thong sticking her butt out the window.  For reals.

Friday night I probably had my favorite dinner while we were there.  I had a Caesar salad, a plate of sauteed shrimp, a cup of zucchini and squash, and some potatoes.  It was so good, but I was so full that I could barely walk (or rather stroll) to the cocktail party we had to attend.  You know what's cool about New Orleans?  You didn't finish your cocktail at dinner?  You can get a to go cup!  You made a drink while you were getting ready to go out (a getting ready drink) and you didn't finish it?  Take it with you!  I think Atlanta could benefit from allowing open containers (in certain nightlife areas).  

Saturday we did more of the same (except we had breakfast at IHOP).  The wedding was Saturday night and it was beautiful.  Honestly it was one of the best and most fun (and most delicious) weddings I have ever attended.  They had this incredible three piece band playing that consisted of a washboard, a sousaphone, and a guitar.  They were so good they did Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song on the sousaphone and they played Take Me Out To The Ball Game!  And really, you have not lived until you've heard Led Zep on the sousaphone.  I recommend it for your next party.  Then for some reason a group of us decided it would be a good thing to stay out partying (yes on and around Bourbon Street) until 5am (central time of course).  Obviously the minute we got back to the hotel I had to take a shower because I could feel Bourbon Street on me and it is a nasty, nasty feeling.  Then we got up and had to go home.  And the drive home felt even longer.  

It was nice to be home, as it always is when you come back from a trip, but I can honestly say that I look forward to the next time I get to go to New Orleans.  And next time I will bring nothing but sneakers.  Oh, and I would like to go back in the fall or winter because the humidity in New Orleans is nasty (almost as nasty as the smells on Bourbon Street).

The above pic is of me on the trolley on the way to the deli.  If you want to see more awesome pics of New Orleans (we not only remembered a camera but we actually used it) then head to my Facebook page.

Happy Birthday Momma!

The Conversation Remains The Same

First of all, I'm watching Regis & Kelly now, and they're in Miami.  So they have these people dancing right now, the Marlins Manatees (?) and they are hilars!!!  I guess they're a troupe of overweightish older men that dance before the Florida Marlins games.  So funny.  YouTube them or something.

Ok, so back to my original topic.  

I've been out of work for six months now.  And it sucks.  And I realize that more and more I'm having the same conversation with people.  I don't know if it's because my brain is turning to mush or if it's because I have nothing else to say since nothing else is really going on.

Person: So, how are things?

Me: They suck.  I've been out of work for six months now.  Wanna hire me?

Person: Ooh, I'm sorry.  It's happening everywhere now.  My (insert a person like "my neighbor") just lost their job too.  And they have kids and a mortgage.

Me:  Yeah it's awful out here.

Person: So, do you have any leads?

Me: I'm doing what I can.  I keep in contact with everyone I've ever met.  I make a million phone calls a day, I send tons of emails, everyone in Atlanta has a copy of my resume.  I can't even tell you how many jobs I've applied for.  I've had no less than 10 interviews, but nothing has panned out.

Person: Oh.  Well, at least you're trying.  That's good.

Me: Not really.  It's tough.  For every job that opens up there are a million people fighting for it and I'm competing against people that are twice my age with twice my experience that used to be CEO's and stuff.  So either they are getting the jobs or kids that are just out of college with little to no experience are getting hired so employers can pay them nothing.  I can't work for nothing.

Person:  I see...

Me: Yep.  It sucks.  Again, would you like to hire me?

Person: (smiling while slowly backing away), Well, I'll keep my ears open for you.  Good luck.

And that's the way it goes.

So I ask you this, would you like to hire me?