Major, major sads.

In a world where almost all at once we lost David Carradine, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and, of course, Michael Jackson you would think the news could not get any worse.

But then it did this morning.

My hero, pitchman extraordinaire Billy Mays, was found dead in his Tampa home this morning.  He was 50 years old.

Anyone who's been reading this blog knows how much I love and admire Billy Mays.  

This is just the worst news ever.  How sad.

Bee-Tee-Dubs

BTW, I'm not one to get all political on my blog, but let me just say that this unemployed BS and COBRA and insurance sucks.

This too shall pass, and if it doesn't they'll hook you up to some machine and blow it up.

Sorry I've been missing.  I had kidney stones.  Again.  And of course because I don't do anything average my kidney stones are super big, so big that they won't pass on their own so I have to have procedures to remove them.

I had kidney stones three years ago.  That time we had to do two procedures to get rid of "Big Mama Stone."  The doctor went in through an existing hole (I'm leaving it at that) and tried to pull the stone out.  But it was too big so she put in a stent instead.  The stent kept the tube that goes from your kidney to your bladder open (because before that the kidney stone had shut my kidney down).  I had to have that in for three weeks and it sucked.  Then she went in and removed the stent and got the stone out.  All was well.  For three years.  Until Monday.

I was on my way to meet family for lunch on Monday when I had excruciating pain.  Once you have a kidney stone you never forget that pain so I knew what it was.  I drove myself to the doctor's office screaming the whole way (and trying to keep the vomit down).  I made it.  I'm not sure how, but I made it.  I probably freaked out these two women in the waiting room because of my groans and sweating and constant moving around (you can't get comfortable, standing, sitting, lounging or otherwise).  I finally got some pity from the guy at the front desk (after threatening to throw up) and I got back into a room.  The nurse came in and did an ultrasound on my pelvis area.  Then the doctor came in and did one on my kidney (the right one cause that's where the pain was).  She told me my kidney was dilated but they couldn't see the stone so I'd have to go up to radiology.  Then I puked.  

There I was sitting on the floor of the doctor's office bathroom puking.  I hadn't eaten anything that day so I was puking up stuff like bodily fluids.  It was painful.  But the pain of puking was a nice distraction from the life stopping pain in my side.  I sat on that floor and puked from the time my kidney ultra sound was completed until the time my Mom got there and the nurse stuck a needle in my butt and gave me what was supposed to be pain killers and anti-nausea medicine.  Between me and you, neither worked.  I got wheeled (in a wheel chair) up to radiology and after puking and being pathetic I got a CAT scan (or CT scan?) done.  Once that was done I don't remember what happened but we ended up in the ER.  

The purpose of the ER visit was to get pain killers that worked and to pump me full of fluids since I had dehydrated myself.  And boy did we.

Once we got into a room at the hospital I got hooked up to fluids.  Then I got some pain killers.  And they didn't do a darn thing.  Nothing.  Didn't even numb the pain.  So I continued to sit on the hospital bed and wail and moan until someone gave me attention and stronger drugs.  Which finally someone did.  I don't know what I was given, it sounded like it was called Toilet Bowl, but it worked.  Within seconds of it hitting my veins the pain disappeared.  I was a new person.  A happy person.  A person on drugs.

On Tuesday we went for the procedure to get rid of the stone.  This time instead of going in me and doing stuff the procedure was non-invasive.  But they still have to put you under.  They put this big machine on you and supposedly it sends some sort of waves, like shock or radio, through you and those waves break up the stone.  Then you are able to get the stone out of your body yourself through means like peeing.  

So that's where we are now.  I'm at home.  Feeling sore, but much better.  Hopefully we'll be able to figure out why my body is producing stones (and large ones at that, but that doesn't surprise me, I am the over achiever).   

I took a pain killer last night because I was in major discomfort and I had trippy dreams all night.  Probably not going to be taking those again.

Here's the deal, kidney stone pain is the hands down worst pain ever.  It's worse than child birth.  I know this because when you have a baby they can give you an epidural and I know this because there was a long running debate on Regis & Kelly about which is more painful, childbirth or passing a kidney stone and kidney stone won.  

So that's my story.  That's where I've been all week.  Hopefully next week will be better and less painful.

My Mom took a picture of me before the procedure on Tuesday but it's like the worst picture ever so I'm not going to post it.  Hence the picture of the KIDNEY bean and the gem STONE.

Bee-Tee-Dubs

Since I haven't taken my allergy medicine in two days and I've been sleeping here for the past two nights I'm sure that when/if I fall asleep my clogged up sinuses (thanks Kitty) will have me joining the family band.

I swear it's the choir from hell.

"A band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this..."

Ok, so tomorrow I will blog from a real computer and fill you in on everything, but for now I'm on my BlackBerry sharing with you the choir from hell.

I'm staying at my parents tonite since I had surgery today.

From my parents room I can hear my Dad snoring, LOUDLY. Next to me my Mom is snoring, almost as loudly cause it is in my ear and to my otherside Kitty is looking at me and purring (?).

Everyone knows my Dad snores. For real, people in surrounding counties know he snores cause you can hear him. Normally my Mom is in the room to kick him or punch him or whatever she does to shut him up (I did grow up here). I guess that I never knew she snored because growing up in this house if I heard snoring it was always assumed it was my Dad.

I think the cat is just joining in because he thinks that's what you are supposed to do at night... Make noise and sound like the chorus from hell.

The couch is sounding real nice about now.

Big Bro is Watching You...

I got a pedicure yesterday.  A MUCH needed pedicure.  The last time I had my toes done was in April before the Florida wedding.  I didn't get one before the New Orleans wedding because it was two weeks after Florida and my toes were still in good shape.  I kept talking about getting one ever since we got back from New Orleans but life kept getting in the way.  Then we went to Bonnaroo and there was just no point in getting a pedicure before going to live in the mud and muck for three days.  

So I took my beat up feet to the nail place yesterday.  I love this place on Lenox Road.  They are the best and their pedicures last forever.  It's a Korean place... 

So here I am sitting in the pedi chair with my feet soaking in the tub when I decide I'll use my BlackBerry to visit BravoTV.com to read the Real Housewives of New Jersey blogs.  The season finale was the night before so I knew there would juicy stuff to indulge in.  The page loads and there is an ad at the top for KDate (Korean dating).  OK, maybe it was a fluke that I'm sitting in a Korean establishment and I get an ad clearly targeted at Koreans.  I closed out the page and reloaded it and there was the KDate ad again.

This leads me to believe that either Big Brother is watching and knows where I am (and thinks I'm Korean or have a desire to date Koreans)...

Or, 

...more than likely the real reason is that Koreans are the number demo for The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Blogaroo!

I went to Bonnaroo!!

And really I should carry a notepad and a pencil around with me because there were so many things I wanted to blog about the whole weekend.  But alas, I didn't carry any note taking tools with me because when it's 100 billion degrees and you have to use porta-potties you don't want to carry anything with you that isn't completely necessary for life.

We arrived in Tennessee around 11pm Friday night.  The festival started on Thursday so by the time we got there we missed the Beastie Boys and David Byrne.  I've seen the Beastie's before but I would've loved to have seen them again.  I can't think of any gray haired, old, Jewish people I would love to see more on stage (with the exception of Randy Newman) but our timing didn't work (we didn't know for sure that we even had tickets until 5:30pm on Friday).  I was bummed about missing David Byrne, but what are you gonna do?  We did have plenty of time to set up camp next to these adorable 18 year old Bonnaroo Babies and catch most of Phish.  I promised that if we went to Bonnaroo I would see Phish with Jamie.  Our original campsite was about 100 miles away from Centeroo (where all the stages and stuff are) so we had to hike.  Our campsite was so far away I wasn't completely sure that we weren't still in Georgia.  By the time Phish was over I was in no mood to check out the late night bands so we took a "taxi" back to our campsite because walking was not an option for me.  It's nice that they offer "taxis" to the poor souls that get stuck camping in Pod 1.  It's $5 a person, but well worth it.

By Saturday I was annoyed at our distance from the heart of the festival so we loaded up camp and moved in to my friend Ziggy's campsite that was located in a higher real estate section with easy access into Centeroo.  That made the experience so much better (plus he had a camper and a generator and a fan).  We didn't see as much music as I though we would because it's so hot and you're having so much fun hanging out with all these new friends that you make that you'll never see again that you don't leave your campsite.  Plus you can hear music at your campsite so it doesn't suck to be there.  We did see Merle Haggard, Phish (again), Bruce Springsteen, and Jimmy Buffett.  Plus a lot of other bands I don't remember or have never heard of.  Oh yeah, and we saw part of a Primus documentary in the cinema tent (which was dark and had lots of fans).  We were going to see Triumph the Insult Comic Dog but the comedy tent had no ventilation and was really crowded and when you're already hot and claustrophobic it's just not that worth it.  Jimmy Fallon was doing two shows from that tent too but it wasn't worth sitting in there to see him.  Sorry Jimmy Fallon.

The biggest deal about Bonnaroo this year was that Phish was doing two shows.  So on Sunday night we headed back in for Phish.  They played for like three hours including doing a three song set with none other than Bruce!!  They did like a 15 minute version of Mustang Sally which was incredible and a sweet version of Glory Days.  I was tired and hot but I endured the whole show because I love Jamie and that's what you do for love.  I was hoping that Phish would've at least done one of the three songs I know, but they didn't.  So, I promised Jamie that when Phish comes to Atlanta I will go with him if they are playing an indoor venue.  I've now seen them outside twice and I don't think I need to do that again.

I opted out of seeing some of the bigger bands that played late night like Nine Inch Nails, Ben Harper, MGMT, and Moe.  It's not because I don't like these bands (well, I don't like NIN, and I've never heard MGMT before) but it was because I was tired.  Most of these bands didn't even go on until after midnight and played until 3 or 4am.  It's not that I'm too old to stay up and rally, but I just didn't want to.  Jamie did however and good for him.  The good news about Bonnaroo is that as long as you are there and want to see music, it is available to you.

The bad news about Bonnaroo is that you have to use porta-potties the whole weekend (unless you're campsite is near the woods or you have an RV or bus with facilities).  I hate porta-potties.  These just weren't your regular porta-potties either.  These were literally boxes that people did their business in (big or small) for three or four or five days.  The porta-potties by our upgraded campsite were cleaned at least five times a day and if you could jump in there right after the truck came then good for you (I managed to do that once) but otherwise it was literally a crap shoot (no pun intended).  Sometimes they were decent (by porta-pottie standards) but most of the time they were just gross.  There was one that was just intolerable.  During Bruce on Saturday night I had to pee so Jamie and I (he always goes with me because he is a good man) went to the rows of porta-potties near the main stage.  There was no line in front of the handicap accessible one so we stood there.  We let some guy go ahead of us and he came out and said it was unacceptable for women.  I peaked in there (with my head lamp) and saw that the toilet paper and other stuff in the porta-pottie was literally above the seat so I politely declined.  Jamie went in there while I got in another line and came out not looking so hot.  When he told me there was a dead fetus on the ground in there I knew what he meant.  I swear he threw up from being in there.  

Otherwise the folks behind this festival do a really good job taking all details into account.  They have ice trucks all over (since most people are living out of coolers), they had showers set up, cell phone charging stations, tons of free water stations, and even a trailer where you could go in and wash your hands and face with running water and soap!  Regardless of all of this we still didn't shower until we got home Monday afternoon.  

The other thing to do at Bonnaroo is people watch.  I can't even put into words some of the stuff I saw.  Old people, young people, fat people, drug addicts, painted people, costumed people, bikini'd people, and wookies* to name a few.  Not the Chewbacca kind from Star Wars.  Nope, I learned a new term for really dirty, nasty, uncool "hippies."  Apparently the Phish fans call then wookies and I like that.  It's very descriptive if you saw the type of people they refer to.  Plus any time I learn a new term for making fun of people I get a little excited.

Will I go back to Bonnaroo next year?  I don't know.  I guess it depends on the line up.  This was my third Bonnaroo and every time I go it takes longer and longer for me to recover.  In fact Jamie is taking a nap right now.  So we'll see.  

I said it before and I'll say it again, the best part about Bonnaroo is coming home and taking a shower and using indoor plumbing.  It's the small things in life I guess.

We took some awesome pics and I'll post a few later.  Jamie's camera went home with my friend Ziggy so I have to get that back before anything can be posted.

* Urban Dictionary defines a wookie as: A lifeless idiot whose whole existence consists of following around jam bands and not showering or shaving. When they're not panhandling or trying to rip people off, they're selling veggie burritos or grilled cheese to fund their useless existence. They stand for nothing and care about nobody else. (Not to be confused with a hippie. A hippie is someone who lives a certain lifestyle due to their beliefs. Hippies often shower and have jobs.)

Thanks to viewers like you...

So last night I joined the Sabra Riders at PBA to answer phones.  What a cool experience.  

You know when you're watching something on Public Broadcasting (not Sesame Street) and they take a few breaks and some lady talks and tells you about the cool program you are watching and to call now and donate $700 and you'll get neat stuff like a DVD of the program you are watching and an umbrella?  Well, I was one of those people in the background on the phone talking to viewers like you.  

And let me tell you, some of you viewers are freaks.  I spoke to one guy (the odds that he got me on the phone were slim, but I believe it was fate) who just wanted to talk.  I believe he was a lonely guy with not a lot of friends.  Why do I think he doesn't have a lot of friends?  He kept telling me how much he loves Yanni.  And we weren't showing a Yanni program.  But he was watching.  And I let him talk to me for about two minutes before I explained to him that I needed to clear the line so we could raise some money.

I have to tell you, it was a lot of fun.  The atmosphere in the studio is high energy.  You can talk and ring bells and have a grand old time.  Plus you'd be surprised at the characters you get to talk to.  All the callers are in great moods, which you wouldn't think since they're giving you a lot of money (not one of my callers pledged less than $300), but since it's for PBA everyone is happy.  My Dad was there with me (he is a Sabra rider) and I kept a tally of how much money he raised verses me.  I beat him by about $1100.  It's luck of the draw since the phone system is randomized.  Sometimes I felt everyone else was on the phone and mine wasn't ringing, but it all worked out.  My Dad and I combined collected over $3k, which in like two hours is pretty hot.  I don't know how much money was raised in total that night, but I'm dying to find out.  I'll update you when/if we get that number.

So the warm and fuzzy feeling you get and the fun (and the free pizza) are definitely reasons enough to do this, but the greatest thing, in my opinion, is all the face time you get on TV.  I swear I had at least four really good close ups.  Jamie and my Mom were both watching and both said they saw me a bunch.  I got to see the end of the replay when I got home and saw myself twice (and my Dad a few times too).  Seriously, so cool.  

I love my time volunteering at the Atlanta Community Food Bank, but this was a totally different experience.  I've already emailed the volunteer manager and requested a list of all the upcoming opportunities so I can become a PBA regular.  So, so cool.

I snuck into the studio before we started and took this self portrait.  It's not very good, but you can see the PBA logo in the background so you know it's legit.

Haven't we caught on by now?

People, when a camera crew stops you on the street and asks you about what you are wearing, you are going to be on What Not To Wear.  Seriously, after years and years of this awesome show, wouldn't you think people would catch on that the camera crew on the street (and the one stalking you) may not just be for market research?  Figure it out, you are a bad dresser.

Hello World!

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while...  

So, I woke up this morning at 4:30am.  I'm not sure why.  I worked all weekend, outside nonetheless, and went out Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights.  I should've been exhausted and slept all the way until the alarm went off, which I normally have no problem doing, but this morning was annoyingly different.  I woke up at 4:30am and didn't fall back asleep until 6:30am (and then 30 minutes later the damn alarm clock went off).  I considered getting up and starting my day, there aren't many people you can call that early but you can certainly send emails and read the newspaper (online of course).  I decided to stay in bed because I was rather frustrated that I was awake and didn't want to encourage such early bird behavior.  I'm a sleeper and I love my sleep.

I did for a second almost get out of my bed to blog.  All the random things I was thinking about would've made for a funny posting.  I did my best to remember what I was thinking but alas, after working all day today and getting ready to go to dinner with Holly and Shawn tonight, I can't remember a thing.

Sorry for the let down.  Above is a picture Crazy Carrie took of me this weekend at Summerfest.  And yes, those Dorito's were good.

I promise if I ever wake up unusually early and have funny, random thoughts again I will either get up and blog or write them down.