Melissa Boulevard

The cat came back....

2011-08-12T15:02:00.009-04:00

Some people are dog people and some people are cat people. It's just the way life goes.

I've always fancied myself a dog person. My parents are dog people and I grew up with dogs. Lots of dogs. There was Mr Gatsby, Limo, Tess, Vegas, Boots, and of course Boomer. My parents had dogs long before they had me. There was even a horse in there at some point and a few goldfish here and there. But never did we ever have a cat.

So, answer me this, how on Earth did we all suddenly end up cat owners?

It started with Kitty.

Years ago some people moved in across the street from my parents. They had a cat named Sidney (his name is Kitty now).

Sidney was an inside/outside cat. He ruled the street. And like most animals he took an instant liking to my Dad. My Dad is one of those people that animals flock to. He's never met an animal that didn't like him. It's a gift, truly.

So Sidney would come visit my Dad when he was outside and my Dad would often call Sidney if he didn't see him. The cat would come to him.

Well, eventually the people that owned Sidney got a dog and had a baby. Sidney spent less and less time inside with them and more and more time outside in our driveway with my Dad. We started leaving water out for him and always welcomed him (to the driveway) with open arms.

One day the people across the street moved and left Sidney behind. By this point his name had officially become Kitty (later he would also be dubbed Shithead). Besides an internal disgust for anyone that would leave behind a pet, nothing really changed. We began putting out food with the water by the front door and made sure to go outside to visit him. He's sort of an independent cat and really could not care less about human contact (except for my Dad's attention), but still.

Then Kitty got in a fight. And he didn't win. So, we took him to the vet. A few hundred dollars later, plus a tube in his side, and follow up vet visits, he was living in our basement. My Dad had put a litter box down there for him, we moved his food and water down there too and someone got him a bed. Once he recuperated he became an indoor/outdoor cat.

Most of his time was spent outside, which might have been because at the time we had Boomer and Boots and while Boomer could have cared less about him Boots wanted to eat him (which I think she did one day to Paul the Possum), but nonetheless he was now welcome in the house. And we no longer had to leave his cat food outside (which was good because there was this whole ordeal with Paul the Possum who would come out at night to eat Kitty's food, it was only an ordeal for me as at the time I was coming home semi-late from working at a restaurant).

Well, it happened again and then again. Kitty loved to fight, but Kitty never won. So more surgeries and more money later it was decided that Kitty was no longer allowed outside.

Ever since then Kitty's been living in the house and longfully staring out the window. But he's safe, he's fat, he's loved, and he's spoiled. Without a doubt, my parents are now cat owners.

About three and a half years ago Jamie and I moved into our house. A few months after we moved in, our upstairs neighbor moved in. A cat owner. He introduced us to his cat named Pablo. We were indifferent to Pablo until we got to know him. Much like Kitty was, Pablo is an indoor/outdoor cat who prefers to be outside. Therefore we got to know Pablo. He'd always be on the porch or in the yard whenever we would go outside.

Pablo is a sneaky little dude too. Right off the bat he would jump up and sit in either my lap or Jamie's lap (usually Jamie's). We instantly fell in love with him. He's spunky and has tons of personality. But like Kitty (at first) we would not allow him in our house. Unlike Kitty, Pablo had a cat door and could go in and out of his house whenever he wanted.

Eventually Pablo started sneaking in or meowing at our door for us to let him in. So we did. He's too cute and too sweet to ignore. One time we even bought him cat food. A year ago I bought him a water bowl. We had the perfect situation. We got all the rewarding parts of having a cat without any of the responsibility.

A few weeks ago our neighbor told us he was moving. We were devastated at the thought of losing Pablo. So I jokingly asked the neighbor if we could keep him.

So, now Jamie and I are also proud cat owners.

I still want a dog. I miss having dogs. But for now, I'm pretty content with Pablo. And Kitty.

Oh, no.

2011-04-06T15:38:00.002-04:00

Check out the pic.

Any idea what's going on there?

Think about it.

Here's a hint. That's my bathroom.

And no, those are not roaches (or any kind of bug or poo).

And yes, Jamie is OK.

Happy guessing.

I'm hosting a Facebook contest right now to see who can identify WTF is going on. Once someone wins I'll explain what happened. If you want to enter to win a prize (a real prize), visit me on Facebook (click here to check out my page, and be my friend while you're there).

I hope this isn't considered blasphemy...

2011-03-24T16:59:00.003-04:00

I, like most people yesterday, was very saddened to hear about the passing of Dame Elizabeth Taylor. As so many media outlets have said, she truly was a real Hollywood star and a legend. I don't mean to tarnish her image nor insult her in any way, shape, or form. In fact, I have nothing but respect for her. Her marriages, her charitable work, and her talent and beauty are things that no one, especially me, can shake a stick at.

Of course, in the days after the passing of such a well loved talent there are going to be numerous tributes and articles printed in her honor. I don't know what I can say, that hasn't already been said, to pay tribute to such an extraordinary person, so I'm not.

However, in browsing through some of the online tributes to Dame Elizabeth, I came across a photo of her. I have no idea when it was taken. And I am in no way diminishing her talent or beauty, but I couldn't help but think of one thing when I saw this particular picture...

SNOOKI!

Listen, is Snooki the next Dame Elizabeth? No. Do they look alike? No. But, BUT, in this picture? Yes. There definitely some similarities. Picture Snooki with her signature pouf (instead of the ball cap) and I think you would find it hard to disagree with me.

Snooki, like Ms. Taylor, is always looking (Snookin') for love. Both are famous (Ok, maybe one is more infamous). And, both have a fan in me.

I hope you don't think less of me for this. But come on, look at the pics! You have to admit, it's sort of uncanny, and very funny. Ms. Taylor was Jersey Shore Chic before Snooki was even alive to cruise the boardwalk looking for the perfect gorilla (or cocktail).

And really, from far away, with your eyes squinted, that picture of Elizabeth Taylor could easily be Snooki.

R.I.P. Dame Elizabeth Taylor. I hope one day I will be so lucky as to be compared to you.

The Times They Are A'Changin'

2011-03-03T19:32:00.002-05:00

Or so says Bob Dylan...

While I don't like to point out the obvious - that being how absent I've been - I do want to address why that is and some invaluable lessons I've learned.

First of all, if you could see the admin page of this blog you would there are about five entries I started and never completed. Some of them are straight up rants, and a few are totally irreverent things I was thinking about (like why Burger King decided to stuff a burger with other things like cheese and peppers. What? It's no longer good enough to put these items ON the burger? They need to IN the burger? Also, if you're serving a stuffed burger then I highly doubt you are making it fresh, which leads me to believe your burgers are frozen. But I digress).

If you've checked the blog out in the past few months, you might've seen some posts that are no longer here. That's what I want to address, sort of.

In this day and age of living our lives within keystrokes and clicks of each other I am fully aware of what is and what is not acceptable and what can you get in trouble, and all the gray areas that we try to navigate every day. I've read articles about people not getting hired because of something they innocently (or not) blogged about. I've seen the stories on the news about the teachers that have been fired for posting pics on Facebook. My favorite example of that is the poor teacher that had a picture on her Facebook page of her in Germany (I think) holding a beer. This, according to her supervisors, was a fireable offense even though she was clearly on vacation and showed no signs of being drunk or inappropriate. She had all her clothes on.

So, basically, it's a slippery slope.

I also know my constitutional rights and freedom of speech is one of those.

So let me give you the condensed version of what happened and what I learned.

A while ago I posted an entry about something that annoyed me. I never, ever mentioned any identifying details, like who I was talking about, where the incident took place, etc. I understand slander and libel and want no part of either. However, someone saw the blog post, assumed a few things and it led to some very uncomfortable conversations that I had to have. My name was cleared and apologies were made (to me), but still. I took the post down. I didn't want to and I certainly didn't want anyone to assume that my removing the post was any sort of admission of guilt, but I did it anyway. I never want to hurt someone's feelings.

Then I posted something about taking down the post (kinda like what I'm doing now) and I slammed people for insinuating things and causing unnecessary drama in my life. Then I took that down too. I'm not sure why, except that this blog is about me. Call me selfish, but it is my blog. I write it for me. In the world of iThings and YouThings there is a reason why we have gone from Generation X and Y to Generation Me. So I took the post down because I wasn't so much talking about what was going on in my head, but instead I was bitching and sort of in hopes that the person I was talking about (again, I'll never tell who and you'll never be able to figure it out) would see it.

Then I realized it didn't matter.

Then I realized that people might be reading my blog and I didn't want to come across as a psycho.

So, I learned a great lesson. We have to be more careful than ever these days. We're always being "posted" or taped or observed. While personal freedoms and freedom of speech will always be very important to me, it's still uncool to be mean and unkind.

I will do my best to continue to learn and grow, and hopefully the next time my blog becomes fodder for people it will be in a positive light.

Or at least they won't assume things.

That darn election.

2010-11-04T13:40:00.002-04:00

Maybe you know this about me, and maybe you don't, but I love to vote. I've voted in every election since I was 18. No matter how big or how small I am at my polling location ready to cast my ballot.

So of course I voted on Tuesday. It's my civic duty!

I did my research and was totally prepared for just about everything on the ballot. Later Tuesday night we watched the results come in.

Now, I'm not going to tell you who I voted for, nor am I going to admit affiliation with any particular party, but I am going to say this.

If was I an Independent or Libertarian I would be realistic that my candidate probably wouldn't win. I would therefore do my research and decide which candidate I would want to win if mine wasn't going to. Then I would vote for that person. Why? Because it's almost always (I'm not doing research to get facts) either a Republican or a Democrat that wins.

It brings me to my conclusion that not voting for either a Republican or a Democrat is throwing away a vote.

For instance, if everyone that voted for Monds in the Governor's race voted for Barnes or Deal, there probably would've been a run off race. Basically a vote for Monds in this past election was a vote for Deal because it was not a vote for Barnes.

Does that make sense?

OK, I don't like talking politics. It's a private thing, and I find it incredibly rude when people ask "who did you vote for?" Instead, just ask "did you vote?"

On that note, this post is done. I don't want to get into politics. I have three rules I try to live by, especially in social settings - NO PREACHIN', NO POLITICIN', AND NO PEDDLIN.

And the beat goes on...

2010-08-24T22:01:00.003-04:00

Change is one of the few inevitable things in life, like taxes and death.

Recently there were some changes in my life. Mainly in my work life, but it's amazing how that life, the work life, can spill into "regular life."

Most of the time, these changes don't make sense, and aren't up to you, but they happen. I think we get so freaked out by them because they are out of our control, and that's scary. But we have to accept them and trust that they are for the best.

So, that's what I'm doing. I'm not trying to understand these changes. I'm accepting them and finding the good in them. And like Sonny & Cher once said, "and the beat goes on."

Also, any excuse to post a pic of Cher is good with me.

Also, you should Google image search "Cher." Lots of awesomeness.

This is what's been in my head since July 4th...

2010-07-28T14:32:00.001-04:00

Since July 4th when I went to see Phish I have had this song stuck in my head. It's one of the few Phish songs I know. I only like the waaa, waa, waaa, waaa, waa, etc. part. Enjoy!

Omens...

2010-07-07T14:42:00.002-04:00

So, I like to wear my hair a certain way sometimes. It started when I had bangs a few years ago and didn't feel like messing with them. It's not that I invented this hairstyle, it's just something I tried out and liked.

So, back when I was interviewing for a job at that alternative free weekly, a girl I had to meet with who got the original job I was being interviewed for (because she knew it was down to me or her she immediately didn't like me even though she ended up getting the job) was wearing her hair in that certain way. And so was I... In fact, when the big boss talked to me after the mean girl and I met she asked me what I thought and I told her it was funny that her and I were wearing our hair in the same style that day.

This girl ended up being a SUPER BITCH.

So, today, I am wearing my hair that way again (even though it's been a while since I've had bangs). And I meet someone today, and I don't get a great vibe from this person, and then I notice she's wearing her hair the same way...

I'm going to stop wearing my hair this way.

It must be a sign.

Oy.

Gone Phishin'

2010-07-06T15:29:00.003-04:00

I'm not even going to acknowledge how I've been absent for entirely too long.

Instead, I'm going to tell you about how I went to see Phish this weekend.

As I've mentioned before, I am not a Phish Phan. Jamie is and because of this I go with him to Phish shows (I've now been to four, plus a Trey show). Why? Because I don't particularly mind Phish, and Jamie comes with me to all sorts of stuff I'm sure he would prefer not to. So, Saturday and Sunday night were spent at Phish.

Here's the thing at Phish, nothing happens very quickly.

The tickets said the shows (both nights) started at 7:30, which of course really means 8:15ish. I know that, everyone should know that, but it didn't matter. We had to be in the lot by 4 (which was a compromise since the lots opened at 3:30). So what do you do for 4+ hours in a parking lot waiting for a show to start? I don't know.

What I did, was I did a lot of people watching.

A lot.

So much.

More than anyone could ever want to do.

But, boy was it a lot of fun.

I saw old people, young people, fat people, naked people, people drinking, people doing drugs, people selling drugs, people looking for drugs, people wanting to buy tickets, people wanting to sell me tickets, weird people, normal people, sober people, the opposite of sober people, dogs, babies, people selling clothes, people selling pictures, people selling t-shirts, people selling grilled cheese sandwiches, and people selling pipes.

There was so much people watching.

So, eventually we get to get up from our tailgating home and go into the show. Which is nice because we have seats. Except that no one sits down at a Phish show.

Here's the thing about going to concerts. I like to hear songs that I know. Not the whole show, but every few songs it's nice to hear something that sounds familiar. At these shows, for me anyway, I didn't know a single song, save for a couple of covers and one of the five Phish songs I actually do know.

But that was OK because the crowd was so electric that it didn't matter. Plus, you can still people watch from standing in front of your seat.

I saw a guy pass out and the fire rescue team had to come get him. I was scared for him but he probably had too much fun in the lot beforehand. It's one of those cases when you expect to see a kid passed out from making stupid decisions. This guy maybe made stupid decisions too, but he was an older, somewhat well dressed dude.

Everyone is entitled to having too much fun at a Phish show.

Then something really weird happened. Phish covered a Rage Against the Machine song. I only know it was RATM because the song is on Guitar Hero. This got me thinking, how many other people only know this song because of Guitar Hero? Probably a lot.

Going home was fun too, because the lot was still alive with energy. Apparently all those people that couldn't find someone to sell them tickets just hung out in the lot during the show keeping the party going.

Also, Phish had played North Carolina before coming to Atlanta so all these people had the super, illegal, kind of fireworks you can only get from leaving the state of Georgia. So there were all these fireworks going off, and they were being shot up from every direction and it looked super cool. It was very abstract and somewhat chaotic, but in those moments, it made all the sense in the world.

I'm not going to say that I won't ever go to a Phish show again, I probably won't do two shows in a row though.

I just hope Jamie is ready for two very loud, very rockin nights in November with The Black Crowes.

And moss grows fat out on a rolling stone...

2010-04-10T20:39:00.002-04:00

Well, not totally...

My frienemies, the kidney stones, are back. It's just so bizarre because I had a check up six weeks ago and I had no visible stones. As of Friday, I have three stones, with one being a nuisance.

I don't know if I'm just used to the pain or if I have the world's highest pain tolerance, but I'm not feeling as bad as I know I could. I don't feel great, but I don't feel like total ass. So that's good.

My thoughts? I'm no Dr. House, but I think I'm allergic to the sun. Yes, I've been in the sun/around the sun my whole life (I love to be outside) but these stones only pop up in the summer, and only after I've spent time outdoors, in the heat of the summer (yes, it's spring, but last week it was in the high 80s, so I consider that summer).

Of course, this diagnosis is based on nothing. No medical or scientific findings, just my own opinion.

It's back to the lithotripsy machine on Monday. Oh boy.

An open letter to Midtown Green and the City of Atlanta

2010-03-17T18:19:00.003-04:00

Dear Midtown Green, City of Atlanta, and anyone else responsible for this debauchery,

I belive in safety and I believe in beautification and in trees.

What I don't believe in is creating blindspots for driveres on already dangerous roads.

Just about everyday on my commute to work I get on 14th Street and take a left onto West Peachtree. It's just easier for me to get to work and much faster. But that's neither here nor there.

Someone thought it would be a genius idea to plant trees and beautify Midtown. And in doing so, they created a HORRIBLE blind spot at the above mentioned intersection.

Now, if the trees were planted for safety reasons (hit a tree, not a car when you drive into oncoming traffic), I get it, but they are also a hazard.

When trying to take a left on West Peachtree I no longer have a clear view of oncoming traffic. And if it's bad now, it's going to be even worse in a few months when those trees are in full bloom.

So, Midtown Green and City of Atlanta, can we get some smaller trees?

Two of a kind

2010-03-10T13:10:00.003-05:00

Hi, remember me?

So, a while ago I blogged about Jeff Garlin and Seth Rogen being voice twins (check it out here if you have no idea what I'm talking about). I was reminded of that this morning when I heard Jeff doing a radio interview (he's going to be in town this weekend doing a signing and some stand up, I guess he went "green" and wrote a book about it, which is ironic because Larry David's ex-wife was all "green" and they got a divorce, so I hope this doesn't mean that Larry and Jeff will divorce because I would be sad and Curb wouldn't be as funny, or would it? A Larry/Jeff divorce, like the Larry/Cheryl divorce, because that was kinda funny when everyone chose sides.)...

Anyway, I this triggered my memory. The other night I saw a commercial on TV for a new movie "How to Train Your Dragon" (????) or something like that. I'm not completely sure what this movie is about except that dragons aren't bad like everyone thinks and there are vikings.

I noticed that one of the vikings (the viking king? I have no idea. Someone must go see the movie and let me know) looks just like Gimli, the dwarf, from The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

This also got me thinking about a post I did a really long time ago called One Eyed Monsters (click here to check it out) which is basically about how the Seth Rogen (whoa, he keeps coming up) blob character in Monsters Vs. Aliens looked a lot like Billy Crystal's (lots of Jews today) character, Mike, from Monsters, Inc.

So it all comes full circle.

Anyway, my point? Too late? Is that this viking guy looks an awful like Gimli (the dwarf) from The LOTR. You be the judge. Side by side comparison above.

From the hat to the braids in the beard, to the big beard, the broad nose, and the cool armor stuff, these guys are twinsies!! Plus, Gimli has red hair like the viking guy (I couldn't find a color pic of Gimli that I liked).

Is it possible that we've collectively used all of our creative juices and forever more we will just recycle old ideas and make them new? Hollywood has been doing that for years with remakes of TV and movies. I just heard that they were making Gilligan's Island into a movie. Not to be negative, but the show wasn't that great (save for it's campiness) I cant' imagine a movie being worth a damn. Maybe they'll cast Seth Rogen as Gilligan, a one eyed monster as The Professor, a viking as Mr. Howell, and Jeff Garlin as the Skipper.

I'm just sayin'.

Umm...

2009-12-30T09:48:00.002-05:00

Last night I was sitting around the house and I had a really good idea for a blog post. I thought to myself, "Self, I should really write this down because I may not remember tomorrow and this is really interesting and riveting." But then I thought (it's like I had an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other), "Nah, this is too good to forget. I'll totally remember."

So, here I am ready to blog. And I have no idea what it was I was going to say.

Nuts.

Really?

2009-12-22T12:13:00.002-05:00

Dais: noun - a raised platform, as at the front of a room, for a lectern, throne, seats of honor, etc.

Jamie is off work for the next few weeks (the perks of being a teacher). I don't know what he was watching yesterday morning, but it stuck with him all day and he had to recount the story to me last night, while I was bed trying to sleep, at 11pm.

Jamie: Hey, so I was watching this weird thing on TV this morning that Jovita Moore (ed. note - we love her, she's an anchor on WSB-TV) was hosting. I don't know what it was but she kept asking people to come up to where she was standing.

Me: Yeah.

Jamie: And it was funny because she had this real weird southern accent and instead of saying "desk" she was asking people to come up to the "day-ask."

Me: What?

Jamie: Yeah, she said "desk" weird. Like she's really southern. Please come up to the "day-ask," please come up to the "day-ask," please come up to the "day-ask."

Me: Umm, Jamie, she was saying dais.

Jamie: What?

Me: Dais. Like what a preacher or rabbi stands on. Like a raised platform at the front of a room? It's called a dais. D-a-i-s. Dais.

Jamie: Oh. Are you sure?

Me: Yes.

Jamie: Well, that's not very funny anymore. I thought she was saying "desk" all strange.

Me: Sorry.

Jamie: Hmm.

Me: Good night. Please leave me alone.

So, this morning, Jamie calls me to tell me he's watching the same Jovita Moore thing again and he's pretty sure she's saying "day-ask" and not "dais."

I hung up on him.

Cut to now, as I'm typing this blog I'm giggling. This guy walks by and asks me what I'm laughing at. So, I recant this whole story to him.

He didn't know what a dais is either.

Really?

Day: It doesn't matter!!!

2009-11-29T17:56:00.003-05:00

I have been absent for a while (again).

And I might be too busy in the next few weeks to be here on a regular basis.

Why???

BECAUSE I GOT A JOB!!!

So, here's the story.

A few weeks ago I got offered a job at an alternative free weekly. It was a cool position with lots of cool opportunities. This is a publication that had been talking to me for a while about numerous different jobs, but nothing worked out, until this one. The plan was to bring me in on a temporary full time basis for four weeks and then assuming all things worked out I would be offered the job permanently. I knew my first order of business was to help them get through a circulation audit. The audit was supposed to take up my first week and then my next few weeks would be spent training with the person I was replacing, getting to know the atmosphere and culture, and contributing in any way I could.

Word to wise, never, ever, EVER assist with an audit without it being absolutely mandatory. Audits are awful and what was supposed to be one week turned into two weeks of me literally staring at spreadsheets and "crunching numbers." I was coming home exhausted and cranky because what I was doing, for lack of a better word, sucked. I wasn't happy, by any means, but I knew once this audit ended (although it seemed that it never would) things would get better. I'm not going to say anything else about my feelings towards this new position, not mention how mean one of the girls there is, or how sterile of an environment it was, because I am not here to slander.

Now, let's take a step back. The day I was offered the temporary full time hopefully will turn into full time position an opening at a radio station became available. I worked my network and got them a resume and cover letter immediately. The Friday before I was to start my new job I had an interview with said radio station. Things went well. Scratch that, AWESOME. But, because I had been burned so many times in the past 13 months, one could understand my apprehension.

A week or so into my new job I had a phone interview with another manager at said radio station. He and I really hit it off (or so I thought) and I felt very optimistic about being offered the job, but still, I was apprehensive (again, 13 months of rejection can really do a lot to a person's ego and confidence). I went back to my cube at the alternative free weekly and tinkered with my Excel spreadsheet.

Then, a few days later I got a call. The job was MINE!! I accepted immediately.

Being a (wo)man of my word, I didn't want to leave the free weekly high and dry as I had committed to four weeks of temp work for them. I explained that to my new employer, but promised to ask to be let out of my "contract" early.

The next day I spoke to the Publisher and agreed to help them finish the audit that would never end and that as soon as that was done I was out of there! She was upset, but totally understood.

I went to the radio station that Friday to train with the girl who I was replacing and had THE. BEST. DAY. EVER.

So, I finished up as much of the audit as I could the Monday before Thanksgiving, took the rest of the week off (because I haven't had nearly enough time off in the past 13 months), and tomorrow I start my first day at my NEW JOB!

I am beyond excited. I am beyond words.

I've always been a believer that things happen for a reason. It took me 13 MONTHS to figure out my reason, but I am going to be in a much better place, and I think I've learned a lot.

So, to those of you that are still gainfully unemployed, I'm sorry. It sucks. I know it does and nothing that anyone can tell you will make the situation better. There is nothing I can say to anyone that they don't already know about coping with unexpected unemployment. I can only say do what I did. Volunteer, never give up and never stop talking to people. There were times I begged (literally BEGGED) for a job, times I demanded people meet with me even though I knew they had no openings and I do believe that it all paid off.

When I got laid off, I truly believed my radio days (an industry I have been working in since 2001) were done. It was depressing and awful. Radio is and has been my passion. But I didn't miss a beat and kept myself out there. Honestly, besides my new job, I only applied for two other jobs in radio (and like a trillion and six jobs in other industries). When it happened I was in paradise. A place I don't think I'll be coming back from for a long, long, long time.

Thank you, residents of Melissa Boulevard, for helping to keep me going. I promise I won't be a stranger for too long (gotta give me some time to get adjusted to my new and improved life) and I'll be back as soon as I can with lots of cool stories and interesting things to ponder.

As for me, for now, I'm off to get ready for bed because if I'm going to have to start getting up before 9am, I needed to be in bed hours ago (it's 6:15pm).

xoxox

P.S. If you are wondering where I ended up, please click here and click here! Yee haw!

Lost but not forgotten

2009-11-12T18:23:00.002-05:00

Hello Internet,

Sorry I haven't been here in a while. I've had a lot of neat stuff going on but for some reason haven't found the time to share it all with you.

I wanted to post about Halloween a few weeks back and call the post Suck-o-ween, because Halloween was kind of a bummer this year, but considering it's November 12, who cares? I will say this, to the monsters that stole my basket, F U! We left a basket full of candy on our front porch for trick or treaters since we left the house at 6:30. I knew full and well there would be no candy left when we got home but the assholes stole my nice basket that the candy was in. I searched all over the front and back yard and the street and couldn't find it. You suck, whoever you are. Also, my brilliant plan to be a tree for Halloween (and the two weeks I spent working on my costume) were all for nothing. I ruined it and didn't have enough time to fix it.

Before that, I was going to blog about the Little 5 Points Halloween Parade, always a treat, but I didn't. The parade was amazing this year. Lot's of cool floats and weirdo costumes.

We went camping last weekend. That was a lot of fun.

I've had a lot of exciting job stuff happening in the past few weeks. But it's not the time to openly discuss what's going on on the Internet.

Other than that, we won trivia last week (hell yeah!) and will hopefully win again tonight.

I had a cold last week. That wasn't fun and then I gave it to Jamie. Sorry Jamie.

Right now I'm sitting in the kitchen waiting for Jamie to make tacos while Pablo (the Cat Burglar) is asleep on my bed, where he's been for an hour. I don't have the heart to get him up and kick him out. Conveniently he's sleeping on my side of the bed so whatever fleas and other things he has on him will most certainly attack me in the night.

So, I will update you more in the next few days. Sorry I've been absent.

The above pic is Jamie as Billy Mays from Halloween. It was not "too soon" as people were inquiring. This was more of a tribute than anything because you all know how much I respect and admire Billy Mays.

Why shampoo makes awful body wash...

2009-10-28T18:19:00.003-04:00

We went to the grocery store on Sunday without the grocery list. It wasn't a big deal since there were only three things on the list and I remembered two of them, shampoo and shaving cream (very rarely does food actually make it onto the list as we pretty much buy the same stuff every week and it's more fun to impulse shop). I could not remember the third thing but figured that since I couldn't remember it couldn't possibly be important.

Then we got home and realized that we only had enough body wash left for maybe one more shower for each of us. Crap. We forgot to get body wash.

Let me point out that we would never have to go without washing because there was a bar of soap in the shower, but that's so drying and since it's finally getting chilly out no one wants to use that.

We also forgot tortillas (a necessity for taco night for which we had bought everything else), oven cleaner (not that Jamie is going to get around to doing that anytime soon), quart size Ziplocks (or whatever the Kroger brand is called), and something else that I can't remember now anyway. So, Monday night we went to Kroger to get the things we forgot (and a banana parfait - YUM). Jamie went to get something (the fifth item I can't remember) and I went to get the body wash. I like the Ivory body wash but since I was mad about forgetting and since we were in a hurry (Lie to Me was coming on at 9 and we didn't even leave for Kroger until after Jeopardy!) I grabbed the cheapest one I saw. Something by White Rain that was on sale for $1.69 (which, was only $.30 less than the Ivory), and I thought Jamie would be proud that I bargained shopped (he is the most savvy shopper). So we bought our items and went home.

I put the "body wash" in the shower and that was that. I used it that night and an hour or so later Jamie was in the shower and called for me to come in the bathroom. He held the bottle over the shower door and asked me what it was. I told him it was the body wash I got for a great bargain (brownie points!) and he asked me to read the label.

I bought shampoo.

Yeah, that explained why even after moisturizing I was itchy.

So, now I have a lovely bottle of White Rain shampoo that I got for $1.69. But I blame the whole thing on Kroger because the shampoo was with the soap.

Meanwhile, I stopped in the monsoon yesterday at the Walgreen's to get body wash. Just for giggles I bought White Rain brand. But this time I quadruple checked that I was leaving with body wash.

Day 366

2009-10-28T17:55:00.003-04:00

So, good news! My keyboard is now fixed and working normally. Thanks to my new pal Brian at the Apple store at Lenox for making that happen. Word to the wise, never, ever, ever, EVER go to the Apple Store without making an appointment first. I had one and I still had to wait 10 minutes. However, if I hadn't had one than I would still be there waiting (very crankily), five hours later.

Anyway,

So, what have I learned in my year in review? I don't know. I learned a lot about making a TV show (www.highrisetheseries.com). I've learned a good amount about non-profits and more specifically the Atlanta Community Food Bank (love them, write them a check right now). I know the day time TV schedule like the back of my hand (if you ever are home sick, call me, I'll give you the skinny on what you need to be viewing, and it involves a lot of Bernie Mac and Malcolm in the Middle).

I have also learned the importance of stalking. Not like illegal, go to jail and be a creep stalking, but more like keeping in contact. I have what I call a stalking list and once a month or so I reach out to everyone on this list to make sure they haven't forgotten about me (impossible).

I've learned that it is possible to entertain yourself and also, no matter how much free time you have it sure is hard to motivate yourself to work out.

Hopefully in another 364 days this will all be a thing of the past. Fingers crossed, y'all!

Ed. note: I always try to find a picture or image to include with each of my posts, but this time I could find nothing. Sorry. So, here's a picture of a hippo and her baby.

Day 365

2009-10-27T15:29:00.000-04:00

Yep, it was one year ago today I was laid off. I'd like to take some time to reflect back on this year for you, but my keyboard on my computer is busted (I have an appt at the Apple store tomorrow) so you will have to wait until Day 366. I'm on my BlackBerry now and blogging from this is just a pain. So til tomorrow I bid you good day.

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

2009-10-14T16:06:00.003-04:00

You may or may not know but I love Christmas. Let me clarify, I love Christmastime. I love Santa Claus. I don't know much about the story of Christmas (Jesus was born to a virgin in a manger and people brought Frankenstien and Murray? Who's Murray?) nor do I get into the religion of Christmas, but I love Christmastime. Everything smells like cinnamon. Stores, houses, and cars are decorated. People are happy. No other time of the year has millions of songs and movies and TV specials dedicated to it. Sure, The Simpson's do a Halloween ep every year and there have been movies made about Valentine's Day and Alice's Restaurant is associated with Thanksgiving, but no other holiday or season has anything on Christmas.

One of my favorite things about Christmastime is going to Christmas parties (to call them holiday parties is so offensive, we don't throw parties for Flag Day). I realized today (I already have cinnamon scented pine cones in my house and have already seen FOUR Christmas commercials on TV) that I didn't go to a single Christmas party last year. And that really sucks. Sure, most years I only go to one Christmas party, the party thrown by my place of employment (I'm always on the party planning committee), and we all know that Christmastime last year I was unemployed (I'm pretty sure I asked Santa to bring me a job since I, for the first time in my life, live in a house with a fireplace. Duh, Santa can't get in if you don't have a fireplace). I don't have fancy friends that throw fancy Christmas parties (though I wish I did, I would invest in a red velvet dress with a plaid sash). Jamie's place of employment did have a Christmas party but he didn't want to go and I wasn't going to push for it just so I could quench my Christmas party thirst. So, there were no Christmas parties for poor little me, the girl that loves Christmastime more than just about anyone.

So, this year, yes I want a job, I've wanted one for a year now, but more than ever I'm pushing to get gainfully employed in the next month so that by Christmas, I'll have a party to attend.

**I really do love Christmastime so expect many more blog postings about it in the next three months. I have a lot to say about Christmastime. I (heart) Christmastime.

Cats!

2009-09-28T12:14:00.002-04:00

I have heard lately that the internet was invented for cats. In fact, one day a few weeks ago a bunch of blogs and stuff organized a "No Cat Day" and no one posted anything about cats or cat related for like 24 hours. I never understood this until today, when I realized that not only was I posting twice in one day but both my posts were cat related.

This is Kitty. The table is set for Break the Fast tonight. The flowers make a beautiful centerpiece until Kitty decides to unleash his fasting fury on them.

Watch out! Here comes Kitty!

The Cat Burglar

2009-09-28T10:44:00.005-04:00

Besides the fact that we're pretty sure someone was in our backyard in the wee early hours of the morning (seriously, the gate was open when we woke up and I know I heard something, twice, at some point last night, but I was too tired to wake up Jamie, I guess I value sleep more than safety), we had a visit from the Cat Burglar yesterday afternoon.

Yes, twice while we had the front door open (and the screen door closed) yesterday I noticed Pablo in our house.

Pablo is our upstairs neighbor's cat and he loves us. Whenever we are outside he's playing with us or sitting in one of our laps. He's very sweet. But he's not allowed in our house. Our neighbor has a cat door so Pablo can go inside whenever he wants, but I guess he likes us more because we are new and interesting and we pet him whenever he wants.

When we first closed the screen door Pablo sat at the other side of it watching me watching TV. It made me a little sad for not allowing him inside, but he would get over it. Then I remembered that the bottom corner of the screen wasn't really attached to the screen door so it would be very easy for Pablo to walk right through it, if he figured it out. I know he's a smart cat, but I decided he wasn't that smart.

Then, as I was sitting on the couch balancing my check book I heard a noise, and then another noise and I looked up and Pablo was in my living room watching me. So after chasing him around for a minute (more playfully than seriously) I put him back out. I told Jamie that we needed to do something about the screen because otherwise Pablo would just keep breaking in. But Jamie disagreed. Anyway, a few minutes later we're both in the kitchen and I look over and there's Pablo, halfway into the bathroom. There's no telling how long he was in the house, but he was inside again.

So, again, we kicked him out (lovely carried him outside and placed him gently into a chair all while kissing him and singing his praises - we spoil him with love and affection).

How to prevent Pablo from continuing to break through our screen? Well, block it of course with a giant die.

As you can see from the pic, it worked.

Tonight I'm going to use the die to put in front of the gate to keep the people out of our backyard.

P.S. That's a cat burglar mask I tried to draw on Pablo. Usually they're black a la the Hamburglar, but since Pablo is black a black mask wouldn't show up as well.

New & Improved!

2009-09-24T12:27:00.003-04:00

No, nothing on my blog is new and/or improved. Except for this post, which is new.

Riddle me this, if you owned a product and you add "New & Improved" to the packaging, how long would you wait until you removed the "New & Improved"?

I'm asking because of this.

I use Lubriderm lotion daily. I love it. And I have been using it for as long as I can remember (my Momma uses it too). But, for as long as I can remember, the bottle has said "New & Improved" on it. From what I can tell, being a daily user, there is nothing new about the product and it is just as awesome as it ever was.

I realized after buying not this most recent bottle, but the bottle before that perhaps they are using a new pump and that is what is "New & Improved". But then when I bought a new bottle the other day that pump was the same as the one two bottles ago (are you following this?).

Yes, perhaps one store still had old bottles they were selling, but, BUT, both bottles said "New & Improved".

Isn't is misleading to leave "New & Improved" on your product for too long? I believe there should be some sort of limitations on use of the phrase "New & Improved". Someone needs to be regulating these things.

Until then, I'm going to eat my "New & Improved" leftovers.

These things I love right now...

2009-09-14T18:27:00.003-04:00

So, here's an uplifting post, to contrast with my last post. Here's what I'm loving right now.

The new album from The Black Crowes. Before the Frost (the new album) was recorded in Levon Helm's barn in Woodstock, NY. So that right there makes it awesome. I've listened to it like five times so far (I just got it on Saturday but didn't open it until this morning) and it is absolutely AMAZING. I like track 7 the best so far. I don't know the name of it. But it sounds like Crosby Stills & Nash. The CD comes with a download card to get an extra nine songs. I haven't downloaded it yet (I don't trust my internet connection today). Rolling Stone calls Until the Freeze... (the nine song download) "mostly acoustic, country-tinged tunes." And if you know me, then you know that screams my name. I'm so excited about this new album. Unfortunately the Crowes are playing Atlanta on October 3, which is Jamie's birthday. It's only unfortunate because Jamie doesn't share my deep love for The Black Crowes. If he did, we'd go to the show. But, it's his birthday and he doesn't want to. I know that if the show was on any other day he would gladly accompany me. But it's OK because if some band he likes that I don't were to ever play on my birthday (or any other day because I'm a brat) he wouldn't make me go. It's not like when Chris Robinson was touring with Phil Lesh & Friends and they played The Fox on my birthday. That was kismet.

Optimism. It's not so much that I'm loving optimism right now, it's more of a life choice I'm making and therefore forcing myself to love. I have a job interview tomorrow...

70 degree mornings. Yes, it's still well into the 80's (and upper 70's) in the afternoon but because there's a slight chill in the air I know that summer is almost gone and fall and winter are almost here. I hate the heat. But because this is a post about things I love, I won't elaborate.

New TV coming back. Yes, with the vanishing of summer (almost) comes new TV!! The second episode of Glee is on Wednesday, the new show Community starring Joel McHale (swoon!) debuts on Thursday, and Curb Your Enthusiasm comes back on Sunday (oh, Larry, you've been gone too long). By the end of the month The Simpson's, House, Lie to Me, and hopefully Ugly Betty will all be back. Plus Project Runway and Top Chef are totally kicking ass so far.

And, because I'm a nerd, I really, really love gummy worms. Right now and forever.

Cuts like a knife

2009-09-11T17:32:00.003-04:00

I'm going to be candid for a moment. Because if I can't be candid on my own blog, then where?

Yes, we all know that I've been unemployed for almost one year now. One. Whole. Year. And for the most part I'm very optimistic and I stay very positive. But every once in a while I have a bad day. Anything can trigger this, or sometimes nothing at all will. It's just that when are you are persistent and always trying to see the good side of things sometimes it becomes too much and you just need to wallow. Luckily, I have very few of these days. But today was one.

And you know how when it rains, it pours?

Well, today it poured. I woke up in a funk for no reason. I just new it was going to be one of those days. As you may or may not know I've been waiting to hear back about numerous positions I have applied for. And for most of these positions I have had at least one interview. So, my outlook should have been bright, but it wasn't this morning. Instead of talking myself out of it I decided to just roll with it. It's Friday, the weekends are always fun so if I could just get through most of the day then before I knew it people would be off work, Jamie would be home and the weekend would officially begin. I let myself veg. I watched awful TV. I read every piece of information in the news (celeb gossip news anyway). I had an OK, wallowy day.

Then it happened, just a little while ago. The fateful email that one sends right before they leave the office for the weekend. Something they've been putting off all day.

"Thank you for you interest but we have decided to go in a different direction as we are looking for someone with a little more XXXXX."

I always appreciate it when someone sends a response telling you that they are not hiring you. Seriously. You would be amazed at how many people don't let you know they're moving on without you.

Rejection always sucks, but on a day where you're already in a crappy state of mind, it just doesn't help.

As far as the person sending the rejection note knows, you are having the best day ever, and maybe, on some occasions I have been, but not today. Today it just made everything sting a little more.

Ode to the gummy worm

2009-09-09T15:12:00.003-04:00

I haven't been very inspired to blog lately, but I wanted to post something today. So, while snacking between lunch and dinner something occurred to me.

I really, really, really, love gummy worms.

Normally, a between meal snack for me would consist of something containing some nutritional value, but since I had veggies for lunch (for the most part) and we have practically no food in our house I had almost no choice but to go for the gummy worms.

I always keep gummy worms around.

Why do I love gummy worms? I don't mind gummy bears, I don't particularly like those stupid gummy fish, but something about gummy worms makes me happy.

In the words of an old American classic, I like to "bite their heads off, suck their juice out, ooey, gooey, gooey, gooey worms."

And the best part of gummy worms? You can buy them at Kroger for $1 bag, and you get like 30 worms! There are no fat in gummy worms, but they will make you fat because they are nothing but sugar, corn syrup and food coloring. So, in a way, I guess they are a nutritious snack. In moderation.

Maybe.

But they sure are delicious.

Melissa's Rules for a Perfect Sunday

2009-08-31T15:57:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was an almost perfect Sunday thanks to the rainy weather. When it rains on a Sunday it is almost a mandate that you stay at home and be low key and just relax.

The below rules are rules I invented a few years ago and I rediscovered them yesterday and decided to once again become a devout follower of Melissa's Rules for a Perfect Sunday.

**Ed note; it is more than OK to break these rules for a special occasion, like a party, or if it is a three day weekend and Monday is a holiday. In that case it is perfectly acceptable to use these rules on that Monday.

1. Never, ever wear a belt on Sunday. If you're pants are too big and you insist on wearing them, deal with having to constantly pull them up. I suggest sweat pants.

2. It is a sin to brush your hair on Sunday. Let it go and be free and messy (however, I follow this rule just about every day. I dislike brushing my hair).

3. Under no circumstances should you wear make up on Sunday. I don't care if you have a zit the size of Montana or you have gigantic bags under your eyes. Make up is not permitted on Sunday's. That is why God invented oversized sunglasses.

4. We are too addicted to technology and that is why computers should not be used on Sunday's. Don't check Facebook, don't read this blog, don't turn on your computer on Sunday. Computers need a day of rest too.

5. If you are lucky enough to own a DVR or have OnDemand, Sunday is the day to catch up on all your shows. Why, just yesterday I caught up on Real Housewives of Atlanta, Hung, and Project Runway. I even squeezed in time for an awful Lifetime movie starring Kirstie Alley.

6. If it can be avoided, don't answer the phone on Sunday. The last thing anyone needs on a Sunday is someone rehashing some lame ass story about what happened to them on Saturday night. I don't care how funny it is or how incredible the story, it can wait until Monday.

7. Find your zen and hold onto it. No drama. No stress. No worries.

8. There is something very nostalgic about lying on the couch (or in bed) and reading the Sunday paper. I mean the print version. With the section solely dedicated to the comics. The paper is like $2 on Sunday's, but if you drive around East Atlanta you can find people selling it for a $1 and it is sooooo worth it.

9 (OPTIONAL). If possible, don't wear shoes. Sunday's are great days to go to the grocery store or take a relaxing walk (if the weather permits) and you have to wear shoes to do those things, but otherwise, no shoes.

And that, my friends, is the way to have a perfect Sunday.

Let's all go to the movies!

2009-08-26T11:49:00.003-04:00

So, I've seen a lot of movies lately. Well, not a lot, but more than I would normally see in the past week.

I'm one of those people that when others are talking about "classic movies" I'm the one that's like "Oh, I haven't seen that" to which I usually get "WHAT?" For instance I've never seen The Goonies or any of The Godfather movies. (You're totally going "WHAT?" right now.) Instead of expanding my mind and watching new movies I prefer to watch the same movies over and over again. I've seen Mommie Dearest one billion times. Anytime Smokey & the Bandit is on I will faithfully watch it even though I own it and can pretty much recite the whole movie from heart. I will also stop whatever I'm doing to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's, Almost Famous, Troop Beverly Hills, and Easy Rider.

Recently I watched Mamma Mia. It was OK. I've seen the play so I knew what I was in for. I do love Meryl Streep though. And, if Pierce Brosnan can get a role singing in a movie then I can still hope for my Broadway career (I can't carry a tune in a bucket).

On Sunday we went to the drive in to see The Goods with Jeremy Piven. The Pivs (as I like to call him) is a fabu actor and he always makes me laugh. And I did a lot of laughing during The Goods, however, it wasn't that great of a movie. I think that The Pivs has been type casted. He plays Ari Gold (his role on Entourage) so perfectly that I think he's destined to play the role of the over bearing smart ass for the rest of his life. Last night Keeping Up with the Steins (another movie The Pivs is in) was on WGN so I checked out a few minutes of that (even though that is a movie that I have actually seen before) and I realized that Ari Gold and his character in Steins is basically the same. Though he wasn't a Hollywood hot shot in The Goods his character was still very similar to his role on Entourage and Steins. I would like The Pivs to flex his acting chops a little more like he did in Old School where he played the loser Dean of Students. But don't worry, I haven't given up on The Pivs and will continue to be his fan (and one of his Twitter followers).

Last night we "rented" I Love You, Man (it was OnDemand and we paid $4.99 to watch it). It was good. Was it the best movie ever? No. Was it as hilarious as The Hangover? No. Did it keep me entertained and make me happy? Absolutely. I adore Paul Rudd. And I like Jason Segel (the guy who's "frontal" we saw way too much of in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, which was also side splitting hysterical). I Love You, Man was what I would like to think of as a chick flick for guys (like a bromance? Cause it was kinda a love story about two guys becoming BFF). But it had dirty boy humor, lots of love for Rush (Rush is totally a man's band even though I love them), and a super cute dog.

Let's talk about the dog for a minute. The dog in this movie, Anwar (his real name, I IMDB'd it), is a Puggle. And though I've never discussed my love for Puggles on this blog (I don't think) I have been in love with this breed (a hybrid Pug and Beagle) forever. Our neighbors in our old apartment complex had a Puggle named Charlie and he was the cutest thing in the whole wide world.

So, anyway, I Love You, Man was definitely worth seeing.

I was checking HBO OnDemand (I have HBO now!) and I noticed that Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium is available. I think I might watch that later today. You know, whenever I hear the word "emporium" (which I think is on it's way out of our vernacular) it always makes me think of the days before CVS and Walgreen's when we would shop at Drug Emporium. I think emporium is a great word and I will do my best to bring it back from the edge of extinction.

I still haven't seen Funny People. I also want to see Inglorious Basterds, and that new Matt Damon movie. And of course, Taking Woodstock.

Perhaps if I can see all four in the next month or so I can write another movie post.

Until then I'll be on my couch watching Dazed & Confused for the 397th time.

They say everyone has a twin...

2009-08-12T09:24:00.002-04:00

I love Seth Rogen.

I also love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Since we just got HBO we've been trying to take full advantage of it. Especially since summer television sucks for the most part. I know that a new season of Curb starts soon, and I can't wait. But poor Jamie has never had HBO so he has never been exposed to the hilarity (and awkwardness) that is Curb. So, after making him sit through an episode the other day he decided he liked it enough to start watching the first season. We're about seven eps in so far. And lemme tell ya, since the first season was way back in 2000 it's like watching brand new television for me, I barely remember any of them (except the infamous Richard Lewis fight outside the jewelry store - still pee in your pants funny).

I don't know if it's because I haven't watched Curb in a while since the break between last season and the upcoming season has been like 100 years or if it's because recently Seth Rogen is everywhere but something has started to drive me crazy.

I swear Jeff Garlin and Seth Rogen are the same person!

They say every person has a twin, and I certainly don't think these two look alike, but there are definitely some physical characteristics they share, but their voices? Identical.

I promise. Watch an ep of Curb and then watch a minute of any Seth Rogen scene from any Seth Rogen movie and you will see what I am saying. It's uncanny. And a little bit freaky.

I thought I found my voice twin once. I was in the hall at my old job talking to someone and another person came around the corner calling "Elle." I looked at the person doing the calling and she seemed surprised. She said she heard me talking and thought I was Elle. Huh. The person I was talking to did agree that maybe I did sound like Elle. So that afternoon I put on the radio (Elle is on the radio) and listened. I totally sound just like Elle. I was flabbergasted.

Until no one else agreed with me.

At least I don't sound like Jeff Garlin.

Ode to the answering machine

2009-08-10T18:12:00.002-04:00

Remember the answering machine?

The other day while leaving a message for a friend of mine who decided not to answer the phone I began screaming "wake up!" into her voice mail.

Then it dawned on me. She would never hear my pleas (and demands) until she was already awake and checking her voice mail. Back in the olden days (and assuming the answering machine was positioned next to her bed) screaming "wake up!" would've woken her up because she would be able to hear the message I was leaving. I guess an answering machine was the old timey way of screening phone calls.

I think this antiquated equipment has a lot to offer. For instance, I'm in the middle of leaving a message for you. If you see that you've missed a call from me you go ahead and call me back. But I'm still leaving you a message so either I have to quickly end my message by saying "oh, you're calling me now, bye" or ignore you beeping in, finish my message then when I hang up I have a message from you and now we're confused about who needs to call who back and we never get in touch with each other and I'm stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire (hypothetically speaking, of course).

If Scenario A takes place and I click over while in the midst of leaving my message then I have to repeat everything I just said on your voice mail to you. Which is annoying for me because I hate to have to repeat myself. If this was an answering machine you would've heard the first part of my message and when you picked up we could've continued the conversation.

Answering machines also taught us patience back with everything wasn't so immediate and we weren't always in a hurry. Remember when you would come home from school or an after school activity and the little red light on your machine was blinking telling you had a message? The excitement and anticipation of pushing the play button and hearing who called you while you were gone was so exciting (but then it turned out to be a telemarketer). That doesn't happen anymore. We always have our cells with us. If someone calls us, we know who is calling when they are calling. If we don't answer the phone it is usually by choice.

My favorite answering machine story goes like this. Years ago my parents gave my grandparents an answering machine (BTW, it's still in use today at Poppy's condo). Since it's somewhat difficult (especially for grandparents) to figure out how to record the outgoing message for years and years when you called their house and the machine picked up the first thing you heard was my Gramma going "damn."

But, along with 45's, petticoats, non-digital broadcast television, and most importantly the land line, gone are the answering machines.

Unless you are my grandpa, because his is still alive and kickin. But, ask him to check his voice mail on his cell phone and it's a whole different story.

Red Alert!

2009-08-06T15:11:00.003-04:00

So, Twitter is down today. I tried to log on this morning from my BlackBerry to write about how Jeremy Piven was awesome on GMA and how I could not wait to see The Goods next weekend. Well, I couldn't get on to Twitter. I figured it was my BlackBerry being stupid.

Then I got on my computer and could not get on either. Then I logged on to Facebook where everyone was writing about Twitter being down. Turns out, Facebook was intermittently out as well. Super hackers.

An MSNBC article informed me that Twitter was being hacked and that's why no one could log on. It also quoted a bunch of people screaming about how lost they are without Twitter. That got me thinking... Would I be lost without a website? And the answer is no.

I rather enjoy the Internet. I like reading blogs and playing online spades and Facebooking, but really, if I couldn't for a day or a month or forever I would OK. I think as a culture we are too dependent and too addicted to the Internet. But I think that's OK, because this is 2009 and why shouldn't we be? You can't tell me that if your Grandpa didn't have a laptop while he was hiking seven miles, up hill, in the snow to school every day that he wouldn't have been checking his email.

I mean, if I didn't read www.dlisted.com (the best gossip blog ever, but not for the weak of heart or easily offended) I would totally suck at trivia and I would have no idea what Brad and Angelina are up to. If I didn't Facebook I wouldn't know that half the people I'm friends with went to see Beyonce (which, they were all at the show updating their Facebook status about how amazing the show was but it seems to me that if they were screwing around on their phones updating their status then how much attention were they really paying to Beyonce?). And, if I wasn't on Twitter then you wouldn't know that I had leftover rice for lunch (and really, isn't that a valuable thing for you to know?).

So, people of 2009, take a deep breath. Twitter will be back soon. In the meantime, turn of the computer and go watch TV (or read a book if you even still know what a book is, and I'm talking a real book, not one of those Kindle things).

I'm may be going to hell in a handbasket (but at least I'm enjoying the ride)

2009-08-03T21:44:00.004-04:00

So, I'm planning a playlist for a baby shower that I am hosting in a few weeks. We're having it at my house which means I get to play DJ. But also cause I have the best taste in music. Instead of compiling a list of songs to play at a baby shower, here's a list of songs NOT to play at a baby shower:

Toby Keith - Who's Your Daddy? - self explanatory
The Beatles - I Want You (She's So Heavy) - cause pregnant ladies are heavy
Three Dog Night - Mama Told Me (Not to Come) - cause if you listened to Mama you wouldn't be pregnant
The Band - Rag Mama Rag - you go nine months without being on the rag
Elton John - The Bitch is Back - pregnant ladies are moody
The Fifth Dimension - Wedding Bell Blues - unless the mother to be is married
Jimmy Cliff - The Harder They Come - see above Mama Told Me (Not to Come)
Tim McGraw - Red Ragtop - umm, it's about an abortion

Meanwhile, these are all songs my guests will be listening to. It's going to be an awkward afternoon.

I'm kidding.

Maybe.

Mission: Accomplished!

2009-08-03T15:20:00.003-04:00

It took five trips, but it is done. We are now the proud owners of a fancy (particle board) new wardrobe from Ikea. It is built, mounted to the wall and full of clothes. Yea!!! Life is good. Let's celebrate with a Blingee!

If you build it, they will come

2009-08-01T10:38:00.003-04:00

Guess what I'm doing today? Going to Ikea!

Guess how many times I've been to Ikea in the past forty eight hours? FOUR!

No, I didn't get a job at Ikea, however after all the time I've spent there and all the employees I've dealt with, I should work there. Let me start at the beginning.

I am a clothes collector. I love clothes. And though I really do wear just about everything in my closet, I have a lot of (too many?) clothes. I have so many clothes that I filled up the big closet in our bedroom and the little closet in the second bedroom. This left Jamie (who also has a pretty decent amount of clothes) with his stuff hanging on a temporary wardrobe rack from Target. It's works just fine for his clothes, but it collapses a lot. It's at least a year old and it's been moved and through all of that it's lost some pieces (like wheels) and it's been damaged a little bit. So needless to say, it's not the sturdiest of furniture (?) anymore. But it's done it's job. It's also a huge eyesore. The whole second bedroom is, so really it fits in to the aesthetics in that room. Our house is cute and hip and in town, that room, however, is trailer trash. But it has tons of potential because it has a really cute fireplace in it and lots of windows.

But anyway, I want the true potential of that room to shine through (and also function as an actual bedroom for when people stay with us) so I've begun fixing it. The first thing that needed to happen was getting rid of the clothes rack and upgrading to a wardrobe (or armoire depending upon which store you are shopping at and how much money you are spending because things with French names are expensive). We looked online for wardrobes and found some really awesome ones for like thousands of dollars. Then we found some on Craig's List but no one responded to my emails (if you're going to post something on Craig's List you must respond to all honest inquiries about your items. It's polite. A simple "Sorry, it's been sold" is completely acceptable because it is a response).

So Ikea it was for us.

We went on Thursday because I'll be damned if I'm going to attempt Ikea on a weekend. Halfway there I realized that we probably should have taken my car instead of Jamie's if we decided to purchase (my car is bigger). But since we were almost there and it was raining we didn't turn around. After strolling through Ikea and looking at every wardrobe in the freakin' store (and almost getting in a fight with a seven year old kid because he was in my way) I found the one I wanted. There was no aisle or bin number on it (which is how you find it in the warehouse) so I had to ask for help. A curmudgeon was assigned to be my help. He did help. Sort of. Anyway after explaining that I didn't want to buy the shelves and the baskets but just the wardrobe, the doors (because why would they come together?) and an additional rail he finally got me a print out of what I needed with the aisle and bin numbers (but that was also after he had to call for back up). The back up lady, who was really nice, explained that you can't buy additional rails for this particular wardrobe because again, that would just make sense. But, good news! She had an extra one and had dropped it off in "As Is" a few days ago. It probably hadn't sold yet so we could just go down there and get it.

Have you ever been to As Is? Don't. I mean in theory it's a great idea. It's where all the slightly damaged and odd stuff ends up and you can buy things there cheap. It's like the Ikea outlet. But it's also huge and nothing is organized and there is junk all over the place. I immediately went to the window for assistance. A very nice man was helping me while Jamie dug through racks and racks of hardware. Mr. Nice Man explained that there was so much stuff down there that it might be impossible for him to find our rail, even if it is down there. Then we realized we didn't even know what the rail looked like. So, we went back up to the wardrobe department, which means starting at the front of the store and working your way back and down because Ikea is a maze and there is only one way in and one way out. We examined the rail in the floor model (considered taking it too) and went back to As Is. Amazingly Jamie found the rail (and it was only $.30, yes cents!) but then we couldn't find the plastics pieces that snap into the side of the wardrobe that hold the rail in place. Ugh. We found some that will hopefully, probably work and we took them because I was over it by then.

But, because we took Jamie's Mazda and not my Jeep, we have to go home to get my car so all the boxes will fit. So that's trip number two.

We get home and start assembling. As I watch a lot of "This Old House" and have a knack for putting things together I assumed the role of Head Contractor and employed Jamie to be my assistant. This thing we bought weighs over 100 pounds so I need his help moving some of the bigger pieces. All is going swimmingly. Until Jamie leaves to go make dinner (reheat meatloaf). So, here I am all alone putting this thing together. I need to shift it a little to the left so I can attach the top to the sides. I'm sliding it by myself when it gets caught on the bottom of the fireplace and rips the left side. I decide that it's not that bad and quit for dinner.

Friday afternoon I get home from the Food Bank and Jamie gets home from pre-planning at school and we get to work. I decide to share with Jamie the boo boo I made last night and after examining it with fresh perspective I realize it's in bad shape, I really screwed up. So, we load the busted piece in the car and go back to Ikea. The girl at the exchange desk is super nice and helpful. We even saw my friend from As Is and he smiles at us. I have a feeling we're not the only people he sees two days in a row. So Helpful Girl gets someone to bring up our wardrobe and after careful examination to make sure it's the same piece we get our new side and go home. I quickly install it only to realize that it's the wrong freaking side.

Back to Ikea we go (this is now trip four). Helpful Girl is laughing at us (in a good, friendly, I can totally relate way). We are given a new side and PROMISED that it is the correct side. We get home and it's not. Of course. By this point it's 8:30 and as much as I want to go back to Ikea immediately Jamie convinces me it's not a good idea. So I do what anyone else would do, I freak out, I scream, I cry, I have a temper tantrum. I am the kid who skipped nap time and is having a cranky freak out in the middle of the Kroger. So we go to the bar and drink. Meanwhile I call Ikea and after spending ten minutes getting through their automated system I get a human being on the phone. He apologizes. Whatever. I explain that there is no way I can make it back to Ikea before they close (at this point that is in like five minutes) and request that for my troubles they accommodate me and go ahead and pull what I need so when I get there on Saturday (the busiest day in the Ikea week) I don't have to wait amongst the masses. I am told this is not possible and he suggests I get to the store at 10am on Saturday when they open. What he doesn't know is that I have plans for the morning and Jamie is getting up to go fishing and I can't possibly bring this 100+ pound piece of particle board back by myself. So, here it is, almost 3pm on Saturday. I'm waiting for Jamie to get home so we can go back to Ikea.

Hopefully, the fifth time's a charm.

If not, I'm going back to Target, buying more clothes rack and that's the way it will be for the rest of my life. I'm not a quitter but if it doesn't work out this time, then the sixth time I go back to Ikea will be to return this thing. And, I will send the General Manager and President a snarky email about my experience. And I will write it in Swedish.

As Promised...

2009-07-20T17:22:00.003-04:00

Here is my AJC article from yesterday. Enjoy!

These Things I Think About...

2009-07-19T21:44:00.003-04:00

I don't know anything about Harry Potter. I've never seen a single movie, I've never read a single book. I know it's a big deal and I respect that. I also know that there is a new HP movie out and though I won't be going to see it, I almost did by mistake. See, the print ad for the new movie has Harry standing next to what looks like Gandalf from The Lord of the Rings. I LOVE The Lord of the Rings (I'm such a nerd) and so when I see this ad (which I have a lot) I keep thinking there is some cool new LOTR thing out that I must go see immediately. I thought that perhaps Sir Ian McKellen (who is Gandalf) was possibly in the HP movies, but I checked IMDB and he is not. I say it's another case of the old bait and switch. Nice move, HP.

So yesterday I had a bad stomach ache (and other side effects). So I was resigned to the couch most of the day. Luckily for me Jamie found a Brady Bunch marathon that we could watch. I was mesmerized. It's not that I was overly interested in the plot or the characters, but the clothes! These episodes were from the later years when the kids are more "grown up" and the wardrobes are unbelievable. I wish all of those trends were in style and available at Target. From the short dresses, to the colors, the prints, the wide collars, and OMG, Peter had on this to die for double breasted, totally 70's sport coat. It was love at first sight. The only thing that should never come back is Carol Brady's feathered she-mullet. Unfortunately for humanity I saw a few tonight at the Braves game.

AND, if you still subscribe (or pick up) the Atlanta Journal Constitution, I am on page D6 of the Business section today. It's a totally fabu article about how awesome I am and how I'm unemployed and my story and this fairly decent picture of me. The picture that was included is the one above. Judge for yourself. I couldn't find the article online, but tomorrow (or the next day) I will try to scan it so I can post it here.

Kisses, I'm off to watch a Daisy of Love clip show (oy).

Stage Fright

2009-07-15T16:09:00.003-04:00

Being a child of the theatre, I was never one to have stage fright. While most of my contemporaries would get nervous just before the curtain was raised I maintained my "cool as a cucumber" disposition.

So why is it that now, now when my blog (this blog) might be getting more than two readers on a consistent (not regular) basis am I suddenly afraid to write? I guess the thought of knowing that maybe a few more people might actually be checking this thing out makes me nervous. I don't want to disappoint. I want to engage. Or get a laugh. Or something. I want some sort of reaction. So I've had stage fright and that's why I've been absent for a while.

I don't have much to report. I do have a job interview next week! Yea!!!

I'm very excited about it as this is a dream job at a great company. In the tradition of not wanting to jinx myself (because it's yet to work so far) I will not reveal the name of the company, or the position I am interviewing for. The only thing I will tell you is that it's in Atlanta. Inside the perimeter. That's all you're getting. Anyway, I'm prepping for this interview like crazy. It's not just that I want this job, it's that I need this job. Not because of money and benefits and all that stuff (but I do need all that stuff and the sooner the better), but for my own sanity. I can't take any more rejection from potential employers but also I'm bored. I am very afraid that my brain is turning to mush. I'm not using it like I used to and I'm afraid it's one of those things that if you don't use it you lose it, like calf muscles or something.

I keep myself engaged. I try to have thoughtful, smart conversations when the company is conducive to do so. I read. Not just People's and Entertainment Weekly's but books and magazines and newspapers and online articles. I practice keeping my brain agile with Sudoku (which I suck at) and other brain teasers. I stay social and whenever I'm at an event or concert I observe and make mental notes. But because I don't get to apply things to the real world, like at work, I feel it's all for not.

BTW, if you, potential employer, are reading this, I will so rock this job you won't know what you did without me.

But things are turning around. I've been unemployed for almost nine months. So it's my turn, right?

The Michael Jackson Memorial, or I have too much time on my hands...

2009-07-07T14:04:00.004-04:00

I couldn't decide what to do for my celebratory 100th Post so I'm deciding to "live blog" during the Michael Jackson Memorial Service. It's all anyone is talking about and I'm figuring that as many people world wide that are watching this, there are still some of you that are at work and unable to watch. So here it is, the MJ Memorial Service, as told by me!

I've decided to go with Charlie Gibson (love!) and ABC for my coverage. The MTV/VH1 "pre game" coverage was better, but for the service itself nothing can top Charlie (who is with Martin Bashir, and Barbara Walters and Cynthia McFadden reporting from inside the Staples Center with Robin Roberts outside). Sorry CNN, Fox, NBC, CBS, Fox, et al. Charlie wins.

OK, so Smokey Robinson is reading letters. He just read one from Nelson Mandela. Can you imagine, Nelson Mandela sending a condolence letter to your family?

A choir is singing. Something about the King. Assuming they don't mean MJ, as in the King of Pop.

The coffin just got rolled in. It's super shiny and silver and covered in beautiful flowers.

Oh crap, here comes Mariah Carey. I feel the tears (not from me but from the thousands in the Staples Center) coming. She did I'll Be There with some back up singer. Mariah, what is up with the hand movements you are doing?

Hey there Queen Latifah! She's reading a poem Maya Angelou wrote about MJ. Wow, that's heavy.

Uh oh, it's Lionel Richie. And he's singing! Something about Jesus. Now he's speaking.

Berry Gordy looks good. I'm glad he shared some humor during his speech, including a tale about the Gordy's vs. the Jackson's baseball games. I guess the Jackson's use to win a lot. And Michael wasn't a good catcher.

OMG! All the Jackson brothers are each wearing one silver sequined glove (and matching yellow ties).

Time for a video montage!

You Are Not Alone will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day.

Here's Stevie Wonder. He's the epitome of cool. I love the red sunglasses. A tribute to MJ's iconic red leather jacket? And now a song...

Here come Kobe Bryant and Magic Johnson. Was MJ a basketball fan or are they just here because the Staples Center is also a basketball arena? There's a picture of Magic and MJ. Magic looks awfully shiny and plastic in that photo. Maybe that was before he cured HIV? I think Jamie and Kobe Bryant have the same tie. I guess Kobe shops at Target too. Oh yeah! Magic Johnson was in that MJ video with Eddie Murphy. OK, Magic, you've proved your credibility.

Here's a fun tidbit, MJ liked KFC.

How come they're not showing Janet? I want to see Janet!

Jennifer Hudson looks beautiful. She's singing that MJ song I know but I don't know the name of. It's sort of gospel-y. Maybe Hold Me or Will You Be There? The back up singers are doing some funny choreography. This is truly a production.

Back to Charlie showing us the crowd in a park in Harlem watching on a big screen.

Here's the Rev. Al Sharpton.

And while he speaks, here are some other things. The LAPD reported that this is the biggest deal since the 1984 Olympics. Wow. Earlier I saw a clip of MJ on the Dating Game when he was little. He was wearing the coolest yellow suit. I was watching CNN for coverage of the private family service and there were no less than 100 black cars waiting outside of the funeral home. I wonder how many people stayed home from work to watch this, or are taking long lunches? If I was the boss I would just allow my staff to gather in the conference room and watch this. It's crazy to think that anyone is getting anything done right now. They rolled in TV's the classroom when I was in 7th Grade so we could watch the OJ verdict live, this is a much bigger deal.

Blah, blah, blah, Al Sharpton is still talking. The crowd is going wild for him, though. He said something about MJ being the Jackie Robinson of music. OK...

Now Charlie and Martin Bashir on commenting on Al Sharpton's comments.

I hear clapping but all I'm seeing is an empty stage. Oh, here's John Mayer. Perhaps the only person's presence I don't completely understand. He looks nice though. I like his vest. He's playing something on his guitar. I'm not sure what it is yet. Now the rest of the band has joined in. The song sounds familiar. But I still don't know what it is yet. I can say one thing for certain, John Mayer is a bad ass guitar player. So I guess I don't know MJ that well. Jamie knows this song but I still don't.

Anyway, Brooke Shields is talking now. I guess her and MJ were like BFF. She's crying. I think she's the first one that's spoken that has cried on the pulpit. Oh snap, now Martin Bashir is saying that MJ and Brooke weren't really great friends.

The orchestra is playing. Who is coming on stage? Oh, Jermaine Jackson. Now he's singing a song called Smile. You know, not one of those Jackson boys aged well. I think it's the surgery they've all had. They look plastic-y.

So that Smile song is like some really famous song I know nothing about.

MLK III and Bernice King are speaking now. Their prayers and condolences are with the Jackson family (duh).

OK, I'm bored. How much longer is this going to be? Perhaps I picked the wrong Post 100 blog topic.

Some congress lady from Texas. I'm glad the government is involved now. This makes it that much more credible. WTF? OMG, she's talking about how you're innocent until proven guilty, is she referencing the molestation charges? Really? We have to talk about this here and now? Who invited her?

I know we started late, but it's already been an hour and a half. Someone finally gave Charlie a copy of the program (he was driving blind before) and according to him Usher is up next. I say for a finale everyone gets on stage and sings We Are the World (my fave song).

Usher is on stage. I hope he dances. He, like MJ, can dance! No dancing, just really sad singing, Gone Too Soon. If this is supposed to be a celebration then why aren't we singing fun songs? I bet everyone would love a little Billie Jean right now.

We're coming full circle, Smokey Robinson is going to take the stage again. Maybe he will sing something fun?

Ooh! Another video. Here's little MJ with the Jackson 5 in an awesome pink hat on Ed Sullivan.

OK, Smokey, do something fun! Y'all are losing me. Nope, just talking. Sing a damn song. You were on Motown with MJ. Sing a Motown song. Oy. B-O-R-I-N-G. I wonder if they are serving beer inside the Staples Center?

Up next is someone who I am unfamiliar with and who's name I can't pronounce or spell. He's from Britain's Got Talent and he's not the crazy cat lady so I dunno. Oh, but he's like a kid. Cute. Wow, what a voice.

And Kenny Ortega is speaking now. He's a choreographer. Oh, I guess the kid was going to be joining MJ on stage in London for those 50 shows. What an honor for a kid. Too bad plans have changed.

Ooh! It's almost over. Now a performance from what was supposed to be the London shows. And a performance! That will be fun, right? This Memorial needs some fun! And a performance means dancing. Yea! These two hours (not including the "pre-game") have been looooong.

OMG! OMG! OMFREAKING! They are doing WE ARE THE WORLD!!! I win!!! Or rather, we all win.

And now they are doing something else. We Are the World was the perfect finale. I hope you top this with something amazing. Nope, Heal The World.

I'm done. BTW, I think MJ ripped himself off writing this song because it sounds an awful lot like We Are the World.

Peace.

P.S. I quit blogging before the family could speak especially his daughter.

Oh crap. My first retraction.

2009-07-01T17:19:00.003-04:00

All of the greats have to publish retractions from time to time. The New York Post does it, the Wall Street Journal does it, Time Magazine does it, Alex Trebek has to do it on Jeopardy! (and it is so funny when we has to take away money already rewarded, I'm sure he feels bad doing it but sometimes the contestants facial expressions are priceless) and I, for the first time, am doing it.

See, I thought the below post was Post Number 101. But as it would turn out, upon closer inspection of my "dashboard" it seems that the below was only Post 98. See, I had three drafts in there that I never published (cause I never finished them). So upon deleting those (they were really uninspired, not even good enough for a deleted scenes section on my Blog DVD release) I realized that in fact only 98 posts had been posted.

So, you see, I celebrated prematurely. But the good news, Post 99 is merely a retraction, which means I can still make Post 100 really great. Now I have a lot of pressure on me. Crap, I'm hoping I get really inspired really soon.

Happy 101!

2009-07-01T16:47:00.005-04:00

This, my friends, is post number 101. I would've celebrated with post 100, but as you can tell post 100 was a little serious and not exactly a time to be celebrating.

When a sitcom hits the 100 mark they celebrate by giving you a clip show or a very special episode. I am doing neither of those things.

When a person hits the 100 mark they get a birthday card from the President and Willard Scott mentions you on the Today Show (yes, he is still alive and on TV).

When an item hits 100 it becomes an antique and you get to go on Antiques Roadshow and have said item appraised (which, by the way, did you hear that Antiques Roadshow just had their first ever $1 million appraisal? They did).

So, what do you do when a blog hits post number 101? I don't know... Create a super fun Post 101 Blingee?

Enjoy.

Major, major sads.

2009-06-28T12:22:00.002-04:00

In a world where almost all at once we lost David Carradine, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and, of course, Michael Jackson you would think the news could not get any worse.

But then it did this morning.

My hero, pitchman extraordinaire Billy Mays, was found dead in his Tampa home this morning. He was 50 years old.

Anyone who's been reading this blog knows how much I love and admire Billy Mays.

This is just the worst news ever. How sad.

Bee-Tee-Dubs

2009-06-25T13:38:00.002-04:00

BTW, I'm not one to get all political on my blog, but let me just say that this unemployed BS and COBRA and insurance sucks.

This too shall pass, and if it doesn't they'll hook you up to some machine and blow it up.

2009-06-25T12:52:00.004-04:00

Sorry I've been missing. I had kidney stones. Again. And of course because I don't do anything average my kidney stones are super big, so big that they won't pass on their own so I have to have procedures to remove them.

I had kidney stones three years ago. That time we had to do two procedures to get rid of "Big Mama Stone." The doctor went in through an existing hole (I'm leaving it at that) and tried to pull the stone out. But it was too big so she put in a stent instead. The stent kept the tube that goes from your kidney to your bladder open (because before that the kidney stone had shut my kidney down). I had to have that in for three weeks and it sucked. Then she went in and removed the stent and got the stone out. All was well. For three years. Until Monday.

I was on my way to meet family for lunch on Monday when I had excruciating pain. Once you have a kidney stone you never forget that pain so I knew what it was. I drove myself to the doctor's office screaming the whole way (and trying to keep the vomit down). I made it. I'm not sure how, but I made it. I probably freaked out these two women in the waiting room because of my groans and sweating and constant moving around (you can't get comfortable, standing, sitting, lounging or otherwise). I finally got some pity from the guy at the front desk (after threatening to throw up) and I got back into a room. The nurse came in and did an ultrasound on my pelvis area. Then the doctor came in and did one on my kidney (the right one cause that's where the pain was). She told me my kidney was dilated but they couldn't see the stone so I'd have to go up to radiology. Then I puked.

There I was sitting on the floor of the doctor's office bathroom puking. I hadn't eaten anything that day so I was puking up stuff like bodily fluids. It was painful. But the pain of puking was a nice distraction from the life stopping pain in my side. I sat on that floor and puked from the time my kidney ultra sound was completed until the time my Mom got there and the nurse stuck a needle in my butt and gave me what was supposed to be pain killers and anti-nausea medicine. Between me and you, neither worked. I got wheeled (in a wheel chair) up to radiology and after puking and being pathetic I got a CAT scan (or CT scan?) done. Once that was done I don't remember what happened but we ended up in the ER.

The purpose of the ER visit was to get pain killers that worked and to pump me full of fluids since I had dehydrated myself. And boy did we.

Once we got into a room at the hospital I got hooked up to fluids. Then I got some pain killers. And they didn't do a darn thing. Nothing. Didn't even numb the pain. So I continued to sit on the hospital bed and wail and moan until someone gave me attention and stronger drugs. Which finally someone did. I don't know what I was given, it sounded like it was called Toilet Bowl, but it worked. Within seconds of it hitting my veins the pain disappeared. I was a new person. A happy person. A person on drugs.

On Tuesday we went for the procedure to get rid of the stone. This time instead of going in me and doing stuff the procedure was non-invasive. But they still have to put you under. They put this big machine on you and supposedly it sends some sort of waves, like shock or radio, through you and those waves break up the stone. Then you are able to get the stone out of your body yourself through means like peeing.

So that's where we are now. I'm at home. Feeling sore, but much better. Hopefully we'll be able to figure out why my body is producing stones (and large ones at that, but that doesn't surprise me, I am the over achiever).

I took a pain killer last night because I was in major discomfort and I had trippy dreams all night. Probably not going to be taking those again.

Here's the deal, kidney stone pain is the hands down worst pain ever. It's worse than child birth. I know this because when you have a baby they can give you an epidural and I know this because there was a long running debate on Regis & Kelly about which is more painful, childbirth or passing a kidney stone and kidney stone won.

So that's my story. That's where I've been all week. Hopefully next week will be better and less painful.

My Mom took a picture of me before the procedure on Tuesday but it's like the worst picture ever so I'm not going to post it. Hence the picture of the KIDNEY bean and the gem STONE.

Bee-Tee-Dubs

2009-06-23T23:49:00.001-04:00

Since I haven't taken my allergy medicine in two days and I've been sleeping here for the past two nights I'm sure that when/if I fall asleep my clogged up sinuses (thanks Kitty) will have me joining the family band.

I swear it's the choir from hell.

2009-06-23T23:25:00.002-04:00

"A band of demons joined in and it sounded something like this..."

Ok, so tomorrow I will blog from a real computer and fill you in on everything, but for now I'm on my BlackBerry sharing with you the choir from hell.

I'm staying at my parents tonite since I had surgery today.

From my parents room I can hear my Dad snoring, LOUDLY. Next to me my Mom is snoring, almost as loudly cause it is in my ear and to my otherside Kitty is looking at me and purring (?).

Everyone knows my Dad snores. For real, people in surrounding counties know he snores cause you can hear him. Normally my Mom is in the room to kick him or punch him or whatever she does to shut him up (I did grow up here). I guess that I never knew she snored because growing up in this house if I heard snoring it was always assumed it was my Dad.

I think the cat is just joining in because he thinks that's what you are supposed to do at night... Make noise and sound like the chorus from hell.

The couch is sounding real nice about now.

Big Bro is Watching You...

2009-06-18T11:25:00.003-04:00

I got a pedicure yesterday. A MUCH needed pedicure. The last time I had my toes done was in April before the Florida wedding. I didn't get one before the New Orleans wedding because it was two weeks after Florida and my toes were still in good shape. I kept talking about getting one ever since we got back from New Orleans but life kept getting in the way. Then we went to Bonnaroo and there was just no point in getting a pedicure before going to live in the mud and muck for three days.

So I took my beat up feet to the nail place yesterday. I love this place on Lenox Road. They are the best and their pedicures last forever. It's a Korean place...

So here I am sitting in the pedi chair with my feet soaking in the tub when I decide I'll use my BlackBerry to visit BravoTV.com to read the Real Housewives of New Jersey blogs. The season finale was the night before so I knew there would juicy stuff to indulge in. The page loads and there is an ad at the top for KDate (Korean dating). OK, maybe it was a fluke that I'm sitting in a Korean establishment and I get an ad clearly targeted at Koreans. I closed out the page and reloaded it and there was the KDate ad again.

This leads me to believe that either Big Brother is watching and knows where I am (and thinks I'm Korean or have a desire to date Koreans)...

Or,

...more than likely the real reason is that Koreans are the number demo for The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

Blogaroo!

2009-06-16T14:14:00.006-04:00

I went to Bonnaroo!!

And really I should carry a notepad and a pencil around with me because there were so many things I wanted to blog about the whole weekend. But alas, I didn't carry any note taking tools with me because when it's 100 billion degrees and you have to use porta-potties you don't want to carry anything with you that isn't completely necessary for life.

We arrived in Tennessee around 11pm Friday night. The festival started on Thursday so by the time we got there we missed the Beastie Boys and David Byrne. I've seen the Beastie's before but I would've loved to have seen them again. I can't think of any gray haired, old, Jewish people I would love to see more on stage (with the exception of Randy Newman) but our timing didn't work (we didn't know for sure that we even had tickets until 5:30pm on Friday). I was bummed about missing David Byrne, but what are you gonna do? We did have plenty of time to set up camp next to these adorable 18 year old Bonnaroo Babies and catch most of Phish. I promised that if we went to Bonnaroo I would see Phish with Jamie. Our original campsite was about 100 miles away from Centeroo (where all the stages and stuff are) so we had to hike. Our campsite was so far away I wasn't completely sure that we weren't still in Georgia. By the time Phish was over I was in no mood to check out the late night bands so we took a "taxi" back to our campsite because walking was not an option for me. It's nice that they offer "taxis" to the poor souls that get stuck camping in Pod 1. It's $5 a person, but well worth it.

By Saturday I was annoyed at our distance from the heart of the festival so we loaded up camp and moved in to my friend Ziggy's campsite that was located in a higher real estate section with easy access into Centeroo. That made the experience so much better (plus he had a camper and a generator and a fan). We didn't see as much music as I though we would because it's so hot and you're having so much fun hanging out with all these new friends that you make that you'll never see again that you don't leave your campsite. Plus you can hear music at your campsite so it doesn't suck to be there. We did see Merle Haggard, Phish (again), Bruce Springsteen, and Jimmy Buffett. Plus a lot of other bands I don't remember or have never heard of. Oh yeah, and we saw part of a Primus documentary in the cinema tent (which was dark and had lots of fans). We were going to see Triumph the Insult Comic Dog but the comedy tent had no ventilation and was really crowded and when you're already hot and claustrophobic it's just not that worth it. Jimmy Fallon was doing two shows from that tent too but it wasn't worth sitting in there to see him. Sorry Jimmy Fallon.

The biggest deal about Bonnaroo this year was that Phish was doing two shows. So on Sunday night we headed back in for Phish. They played for like three hours including doing a three song set with none other than Bruce!! They did like a 15 minute version of Mustang Sally which was incredible and a sweet version of Glory Days. I was tired and hot but I endured the whole show because I love Jamie and that's what you do for love. I was hoping that Phish would've at least done one of the three songs I know, but they didn't. So, I promised Jamie that when Phish comes to Atlanta I will go with him if they are playing an indoor venue. I've now seen them outside twice and I don't think I need to do that again.

I opted out of seeing some of the bigger bands that played late night like Nine Inch Nails, Ben Harper, MGMT, and Moe. It's not because I don't like these bands (well, I don't like NIN, and I've never heard MGMT before) but it was because I was tired. Most of these bands didn't even go on until after midnight and played until 3 or 4am. It's not that I'm too old to stay up and rally, but I just didn't want to. Jamie did however and good for him. The good news about Bonnaroo is that as long as you are there and want to see music, it is available to you.

The bad news about Bonnaroo is that you have to use porta-potties the whole weekend (unless you're campsite is near the woods or you have an RV or bus with facilities). I hate porta-potties. These just weren't your regular porta-potties either. These were literally boxes that people did their business in (big or small) for three or four or five days. The porta-potties by our upgraded campsite were cleaned at least five times a day and if you could jump in there right after the truck came then good for you (I managed to do that once) but otherwise it was literally a crap shoot (no pun intended). Sometimes they were decent (by porta-pottie standards) but most of the time they were just gross. There was one that was just intolerable. During Bruce on Saturday night I had to pee so Jamie and I (he always goes with me because he is a good man) went to the rows of porta-potties near the main stage. There was no line in front of the handicap accessible one so we stood there. We let some guy go ahead of us and he came out and said it was unacceptable for women. I peaked in there (with my head lamp) and saw that the toilet paper and other stuff in the porta-pottie was literally above the seat so I politely declined. Jamie went in there while I got in another line and came out not looking so hot. When he told me there was a dead fetus on the ground in there I knew what he meant. I swear he threw up from being in there.

Otherwise the folks behind this festival do a really good job taking all details into account. They have ice trucks all over (since most people are living out of coolers), they had showers set up, cell phone charging stations, tons of free water stations, and even a trailer where you could go in and wash your hands and face with running water and soap! Regardless of all of this we still didn't shower until we got home Monday afternoon.

The other thing to do at Bonnaroo is people watch. I can't even put into words some of the stuff I saw. Old people, young people, fat people, drug addicts, painted people, costumed people, bikini'd people, and wookies* to name a few. Not the Chewbacca kind from Star Wars. Nope, I learned a new term for really dirty, nasty, uncool "hippies." Apparently the Phish fans call then wookies and I like that. It's very descriptive if you saw the type of people they refer to. Plus any time I learn a new term for making fun of people I get a little excited.

Will I go back to Bonnaroo next year? I don't know. I guess it depends on the line up. This was my third Bonnaroo and every time I go it takes longer and longer for me to recover. In fact Jamie is taking a nap right now. So we'll see.

I said it before and I'll say it again, the best part about Bonnaroo is coming home and taking a shower and using indoor plumbing. It's the small things in life I guess.

We took some awesome pics and I'll post a few later. Jamie's camera went home with my friend Ziggy so I have to get that back before anything can be posted.

* Urban Dictionary defines a wookie as: A lifeless idiot whose whole existence consists of following around jam bands and not showering or shaving. When they're not panhandling or trying to rip people off, they're selling veggie burritos or grilled cheese to fund their useless existence. They stand for nothing and care about nobody else. (Not to be confused with a hippie. A hippie is someone who lives a certain lifestyle due to their beliefs. Hippies often shower and have jobs.)

Thanks to viewers like you...

2009-06-10T23:16:00.002-04:00

So last night I joined the Sabra Riders at PBA to answer phones. What a cool experience.

You know when you're watching something on Public Broadcasting (not Sesame Street) and they take a few breaks and some lady talks and tells you about the cool program you are watching and to call now and donate $700 and you'll get neat stuff like a DVD of the program you are watching and an umbrella? Well, I was one of those people in the background on the phone talking to viewers like you.

And let me tell you, some of you viewers are freaks. I spoke to one guy (the odds that he got me on the phone were slim, but I believe it was fate) who just wanted to talk. I believe he was a lonely guy with not a lot of friends. Why do I think he doesn't have a lot of friends? He kept telling me how much he loves Yanni. And we weren't showing a Yanni program. But he was watching. And I let him talk to me for about two minutes before I explained to him that I needed to clear the line so we could raise some money.

I have to tell you, it was a lot of fun. The atmosphere in the studio is high energy. You can talk and ring bells and have a grand old time. Plus you'd be surprised at the characters you get to talk to. All the callers are in great moods, which you wouldn't think since they're giving you a lot of money (not one of my callers pledged less than $300), but since it's for PBA everyone is happy. My Dad was there with me (he is a Sabra rider) and I kept a tally of how much money he raised verses me. I beat him by about $1100. It's luck of the draw since the phone system is randomized. Sometimes I felt everyone else was on the phone and mine wasn't ringing, but it all worked out. My Dad and I combined collected over $3k, which in like two hours is pretty hot. I don't know how much money was raised in total that night, but I'm dying to find out. I'll update you when/if we get that number.

So the warm and fuzzy feeling you get and the fun (and the free pizza) are definitely reasons enough to do this, but the greatest thing, in my opinion, is all the face time you get on TV. I swear I had at least four really good close ups. Jamie and my Mom were both watching and both said they saw me a bunch. I got to see the end of the replay when I got home and saw myself twice (and my Dad a few times too). Seriously, so cool.

I love my time volunteering at the Atlanta Community Food Bank, but this was a totally different experience. I've already emailed the volunteer manager and requested a list of all the upcoming opportunities so I can become a PBA regular. So, so cool.

I snuck into the studio before we started and took this self portrait. It's not very good, but you can see the PBA logo in the background so you know it's legit.

Haven't we caught on by now?

2009-06-09T12:07:00.003-04:00

People, when a camera crew stops you on the street and asks you about what you are wearing, you are going to be on What Not To Wear. Seriously, after years and years of this awesome show, wouldn't you think people would catch on that the camera crew on the street (and the one stalking you) may not just be for market research? Figure it out, you are a bad dresser.

Hello World!

2009-06-08T17:59:00.003-04:00

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while...

So, I woke up this morning at 4:30am. I'm not sure why. I worked all weekend, outside nonetheless, and went out Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights. I should've been exhausted and slept all the way until the alarm went off, which I normally have no problem doing, but this morning was annoyingly different. I woke up at 4:30am and didn't fall back asleep until 6:30am (and then 30 minutes later the damn alarm clock went off). I considered getting up and starting my day, there aren't many people you can call that early but you can certainly send emails and read the newspaper (online of course). I decided to stay in bed because I was rather frustrated that I was awake and didn't want to encourage such early bird behavior. I'm a sleeper and I love my sleep.

I did for a second almost get out of my bed to blog. All the random things I was thinking about would've made for a funny posting. I did my best to remember what I was thinking but alas, after working all day today and getting ready to go to dinner with Holly and Shawn tonight, I can't remember a thing.

Sorry for the let down. Above is a picture Crazy Carrie took of me this weekend at Summerfest. And yes, those Dorito's were good.

I promise if I ever wake up unusually early and have funny, random thoughts again I will either get up and blog or write them down.

Oh Crap. Literally.

2009-05-29T13:03:00.005-04:00

So Jamie and I got home from trivia last night around 11:00. (As usual, we came in first place. It's hard being so smart sometimes.)

I went to use the facilities and when I flushed the toilet, it didn't work right. It didn't overflow, but it filled up with a ton of water and stopped. I didn't do "long term business" so there wasn't anything in there out of the ordinary or enough of anything to stop up the toilet. Jamie got the plunger and plunged. I was going to get in the shower so while he was in full plunge mode I opened the shower door.

AHHHHHHHHH!

The shower was full of water and stuff that I can only describe as filth. It's black and weird and gross and smelly. As Jamie continued to plunge the toilet I noticed that as he moved the plunger up and down water (and shreds of toilet paper) came out of the shower drain causing more filth and more water to fill up in the shower. I was pissed. It wasn't anyone's fault (well, maybe it is, we'll find out later) but what an inconvenience.

So the plumbers are here now. At first there was just one. Now there are two. And lots and lots of weird machines. I have them working on the toilet in the laundry room (the secret toilet) so my bathroom doesn't get more gross than it is (it's not gross, the shower is). My toilet is now sitting on a red carpet (I guess it's a VIP) in my kitchen. Loud noises and such are coming from the laundry room where I assume the toilet once sat.

Obviously our plumbing is clogged. The upstairs neighbor isn't home and when I knocked on his door last night to see if he too was having issues he didn't answer. I thought he was probably asleep until Jamie and I heard him walking around. Maybe he's a inappropriate flusher.

The only saving grace to all of this will be if they pull something really cool out of the plumbing, like a tea pot or a Tonka truck or a really big diamond.

I just hope they get whatever it is today because I would like to take a shower.

(In case you were wondering, no, I did not get to shower last night, but I woke up really early this morning and went to my parents to shower. So I am clean.)

(Oh, and when we woke up this morning the shower and toilet had drained so we have been able to pee. The shower is still disgusting because all that filth is still in there. And what sucks the most is that just last weekend, not even five days ago, Jamie cleaned the crap out of the shower. Oh well, looks like later today he will be literally cleaning the crap out of the shower again).

The pic above is what will forever be referred to as my VIP Throne given the red carpet and all.

Good good readin!

2009-05-26T14:04:00.006-04:00

A couple of weeks ago I was so excited. Why? Because two of my favorite authors, Tom Robbins and Jen Lancaster, had new books out.

Mr. Robbins' book, "B Is For Beer" (I would've underlined the title as that is what you are supposed to do, but this blog system doesn't have an option for that, I could go in and write the HTML code for it, I do know how to do that, but I don't feel like it) came out first so naturally I read it first. The book was angled as a children's book for adults and an adult book for children. And it was. I read it in a day. It was good (short with large print) but it wasn't what I wanted from Tom. But I'll read anything he writes because I love him that much. Please read "Jitterbug Perfume" it is my favorite book he has written.

Then Jen Lancaster's new book "Pretty in Plaid" came out and I read it in four days. I tried to take my time with it (I would've read it one day because she is that good) but I wanted to savor the book. But I couldn't. She's too funny. I suggest you go out and purchase it and read it immediately. If you're not a lame-o with no sense of humor than you too will probably finish it in record time because no matter what you will not be able to put it down.

Because I feel obligated and I think it is the right thing to do (and if anyone ever wrote about me I'd want them to include my link) you can click here to visit Tom Robbin's website and here to visit Jen Lancaster's blog (which is totally hilars ).

I was going to blog some more today but my stomach is acting up again. I've had a stomach ache since Saturday (and a high fever Saturday night). Oh woe is me.

I spy...

2009-05-20T14:57:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting at the Starbucks on Chamblee Dunwoody next to the Goldberg's and here is what I see.

A very skinny lady where very tight pants that make her ass look like she's wearing a diaper. If it wasn't for her seemingly young age I would think that maybe she was. But maybe it's laundry day and all she had left were big granny panties?

2 adorable old ladies eating their fancy beverages with whipped topping and all like ice cream cones.

A table full of business types with large portfolios and Prada purses.

Mothers with screaming children. I dislike kids.

A man sleeping. Yep, sleeping in a big easy chair. I hope he doesn't have anywhere to be any time soon.

A blond lady on her lap top. She could be working but more than likely downloading porn.

From my vantage point I see a hipster couple, a bald man reading the paper, a creepy dude pacing around outside.

Then there's me, sitting in the corner drinking my passion iced tea feeling embarassed because I ordered a small instead of saying "tall."

You don't have email?

2009-05-19T15:40:00.004-04:00

I understand that people my generation are considered (generally speaking) early adapters. Meaning we are the firsts to use and indulge in new technology. We were the firsts to get the Internet, we were the firsts to use email and cell phones (after all didn't you see us in line to get the iPhone when it came out?), it is thanks to us that Nintendo Wii's and Playstations and such have high sales. I understand all of this. But after working in an office with people a few generations ahead of me and watching them learn and embrace the powers of PowerPoint presentations, BlackBerry's, and email I do believe that you can "teach an old "person" new tricks" especially when it makes their life easier. Remember when you would be using your old faithful typewriter to prepare a report or presentation only to make a huge mistake half way down the page and have to start all over or run the risk of having little white out globs all over your page? Gone are those days thanks to word processors and spellcheck.

This is why it baffles me that today I'm on the phone with a restaurant owner (OWNER not manager not busboy but OWNER) and he tells me that he doesn't use email. This man owns an incredibly successful establishment and he operates email-less. I understand some people may completely understand the power of email and make a conscious decision to not use it opting for a "simpler," lower-tech lifestyle. But this man runs a successful business (I will keep saying it because his business is crazy successful and has been for some time now).

You can log on to virtually any ISP or search engine and in a few seconds (SECONDS) have an email address. I just don't get it. I get that people that like to forward crap like stupid jokes and chain letters (forward this to ten people in the next 15 seconds or your hair will all fall out, your dog will hate you, and you'll be forced to eat liver & onions for the rest of your life) and crap like that are extraordinarily annoying, but email can be a good thing, especially when you are running a business (and there is this wonderful thing called the delete button, probably the second best invention since email).

There is something to be said for the art of conversation. I agree that it is much nicer to catch up with a friend via the phone or over cocktails than it is via email, but email is a convenience. It's easier to shoot someone a quick thought or question without having to go through the formality of a conversation (yes, I do believe as a people we are getting lazy and losing valuable social skills our forefathers once possessed and perfected). But it is the way things are, a sign of the times and I believe if you are running a successful business then you should have an email address.

The picture above has nothing to do with this post. Our front yard is so pretty in full bloom I took a photo with my BlackBerry (which I use to send emails, text messages, and make phone calls to arrange face to face meetings). This picture doesn't do the beauty justice. If you'd like to come over and see for yourself and enjoy a little human interaction, email me.

Oh! What a feeling.

2009-05-14T15:15:00.003-04:00

I can't tell you how many jobs I've applied for. I'm keeping a list but it's too long and upsetting for me to tally them all up. Every time I get a lead for a job and I apply I always get a "butterfly in the tummy" feeling of excitement, hope, and optimism. Clearly I've applied for a kajillion jobs and I've had about a thousand interviews and obviously no one has hired me (yet). Even after the months of rejection and apprehension I still get all giggly and giddy every time I apply for a job.

I got an email from a friend of mine today. It was a forward from another person I happen to know (not well, this person is someone I dealt with once at my old job) about an amazing opportunity at an incredible company. So I jumped and applied. I got an email back from the person and they were very positive about my cover letter and resume and told me that they think I would be a great fit. WOW!!!

I'm not to going to start calling people and tell them about the new job I hope I get, but it's still reassuring. I still have those butterflies in my tummy and it feels great. So keep your fingers crossed for me. This would be the opportunity of a lifetime. But don't ask me what it is (yet anyway) because I do not want to jinx it.

Tuesday Thoughts

2009-05-12T15:47:00.007-04:00

Here are some Tuesday thoughts I would like to share...

1. Dear 24, Now that Jack has successfully (duh) saved the world (again) you are going to spend the last two hours of the show in some bunk ass story line involving everyone's least favorite character Kim? Remember that season when she got lost in the woods and was almost eaten by a mountain lion? Yeah, I wish that lion would come back and eat her now because she's annoying. Way to ruin a great season by BSing your way through the last two hours. I hope you impress me.

2. I love roulette. I don't think I mentioned yesterday that while in New Orleans we spent 30 minutes (literally just half an hour) at Harrah's. I wanted to play the Wheel of Fortune slots (my last gambling experience won me lots of money at the WoF slot) but they didn't have any. I played the knock off version, didn't get to spin the wheel once and lost $10. Then I went to the roulette table. I went in to the casino (before the slots) with $40 (if I had planned better I probably would've brought more money) and left the casino (after the slots and the roulette table) with $53, in case you can't do math, I was up $13. Pretty damn good. Of course, Jamie left the casino up $53. And he won it all at roulette.

3. WGN is playing first season Cosby Show episodes. I love that.

4. I need to go to the grocery store. We usually go on Sunday's, but since we got home late from New Orleans we didn't go. Oatmeal and Goldfish (the crackers, not the kind you win for knocking the monkey in the barrel at the fair) do not make for an incredibly nutritious or filling meal.

5. Thanks to my new TV in my kitchen (where I do my best blogging) I now know that in addition to WGN showing first season episodes of The Cosby Show they are also showing one of my favorite movies, Parenthood, tonight at 8pm.

6. The Real Housewives of NYC reunion is tonight. I'm sure I'll be on Twitter throughout (as usual). I'm going to go ahead and watch Real Housewives of New Jersey tonight to see if I mesh well with those ladies.

7. I'm just about wrapped up with the neighborhood fundraising project I'm working on. It feels good to accomplish a project you're getting paid to do (like having a job!).

8. I really don't like Coldplay's music, but everywhere I go it is playing.

9. If you haven't seen Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg's follow up to "D**k In A Box" you must got watch it now. It's called "Mother Lover" or something like that and it is major hilars.

10. The Braves have now won three in a row!

And that is what I have to say today.

You Can Have Your Etouffee And Eat It Too

2009-05-11T15:42:00.006-04:00

Hello! I'm back from New Orleans. And boy was it fun (and dirty).

I've never been to New Orleans before but I would like to go back.

We got in on Thursday around 5pm (I think). I don't care what anyone says, it is a long drive from Atlanta (but I'm also terribly impatient in the car). All of the roads in New Orleans are one way and it's confusing so it was necessary that Jamie had to take the wheel. We checked into our hotel, The Baronne Plaza Hotel in the business district (I love any hotel with the word Plaza in it since that is where Eloise lives) and I had to get changed for the "bachelorette party." The girls met up at some place called DBA. It's a bar with live music. The band that was playing when we got there was very New Orleans sounding so when I walked to other side of the bar to check them out I realized that none other than my "friend" Paul Sanchez was playing (he used to be in Cowboy Mouth until he left the band a year or two ago). It's always cool to see someone you know in a different city (when you weren't expecting to see them because obviously we saw people we knew at the wedding). Here's something I didn't know about New Orleans. You walk everywhere. Which I don't mind, but it would've been nice to know ahead of time because I would've rethought my wardrobe (shoes). I wore these cute wedges to the party and I've had them for years and worn them a bunch, but I guess I had never done too much walking (or dancing) in them so by the time we got back to meet up with the boys (no boys at a bachelorette party) my feet were killing me. Like I could barely walk. Like I made Jamie take a $4 cab ride with me the four blocks back to our hotel. For reals.

Saturday Jamie and I went on a mission. For some reason we decided we needed to find and eat at a Kosher deli. So, Paul (or Frank or Shawn or something, I don't remember his name), the valet at the Dauphine Orleans hotel (where everyone else we knew was staying) called the Jewish gardener (no lie, the gardener at the hotel is Jewish) and asked him for a recommendation. He referred us to a place called Stein's. But we couldn't walk there (because of my feet and because it was far away from where we were in the French Quarter). So Jamie and I had an adventure on the trolley car. Once we got off the trolley we asked a nice lady at a bus stop (New Orleansers (?) are very polite and helpful) which way Jackson Avenue was (we were on St. Charles). We were about four blocks away so I hobbled (Jamie walked) and we stumbled upon Stein's purely by luck. I had a delicious bagel (they get them in daily from H&H in NYC). After we ate we trekked back to the trolley and back to the French Quarter. Here's something else I learned. You stroll in New Orleans, you don't walk.

We walked around and saw the sights and smelled the smells. Seriously, Bourbon Street smells. We walked down it in the middle of the day and it wasn't crowded but it totally smelled like puke and sweat and pee and other nasty things I could not identify. And there are "gentlemen's clubs" everywhere. I didn't realize there was so many strip clubs in such close proximity in New Orleans. Larry Flynt has two clubs within two blocks! There was one club, and again, this is like at 1pm, with a window and a girl in a thong sticking her butt out the window. For reals.

Friday night I probably had my favorite dinner while we were there. I had a Caesar salad, a plate of sauteed shrimp, a cup of zucchini and squash, and some potatoes. It was so good, but I was so full that I could barely walk (or rather stroll) to the cocktail party we had to attend. You know what's cool about New Orleans? You didn't finish your cocktail at dinner? You can get a to go cup! You made a drink while you were getting ready to go out (a getting ready drink) and you didn't finish it? Take it with you! I think Atlanta could benefit from allowing open containers (in certain nightlife areas).

Saturday we did more of the same (except we had breakfast at IHOP). The wedding was Saturday night and it was beautiful. Honestly it was one of the best and most fun (and most delicious) weddings I have ever attended. They had this incredible three piece band playing that consisted of a washboard, a sousaphone, and a guitar. They were so good they did Led Zeppelin's Immigrant Song on the sousaphone and they played Take Me Out To The Ball Game! And really, you have not lived until you've heard Led Zep on the sousaphone. I recommend it for your next party. Then for some reason a group of us decided it would be a good thing to stay out partying (yes on and around Bourbon Street) until 5am (central time of course). Obviously the minute we got back to the hotel I had to take a shower because I could feel Bourbon Street on me and it is a nasty, nasty feeling. Then we got up and had to go home. And the drive home felt even longer.

It was nice to be home, as it always is when you come back from a trip, but I can honestly say that I look forward to the next time I get to go to New Orleans. And next time I will bring nothing but sneakers. Oh, and I would like to go back in the fall or winter because the humidity in New Orleans is nasty (almost as nasty as the smells on Bourbon Street).

The above pic is of me on the trolley on the way to the deli. If you want to see more awesome pics of New Orleans (we not only remembered a camera but we actually used it) then head to my Facebook page.

Happy Birthday Momma!

2009-05-06T09:47:00.003-04:00

The Conversation Remains The Same

2009-05-06T09:16:00.004-04:00

First of all, I'm watching Regis & Kelly now, and they're in Miami. So they have these people dancing right now, the Marlins Manatees (?) and they are hilars!!! I guess they're a troupe of overweightish older men that dance before the Florida Marlins games. So funny. YouTube them or something.

Ok, so back to my original topic.

I've been out of work for six months now. And it sucks. And I realize that more and more I'm having the same conversation with people. I don't know if it's because my brain is turning to mush or if it's because I have nothing else to say since nothing else is really going on.

Person: So, how are things?

Me: They suck. I've been out of work for six months now. Wanna hire me?

Person: Ooh, I'm sorry. It's happening everywhere now. My (insert a person like "my neighbor") just lost their job too. And they have kids and a mortgage.

Me: Yeah it's awful out here.

Person: So, do you have any leads?

Me: I'm doing what I can. I keep in contact with everyone I've ever met. I make a million phone calls a day, I send tons of emails, everyone in Atlanta has a copy of my resume. I can't even tell you how many jobs I've applied for. I've had no less than 10 interviews, but nothing has panned out.

Person: Oh. Well, at least you're trying. That's good.

Me: Not really. It's tough. For every job that opens up there are a million people fighting for it and I'm competing against people that are twice my age with twice my experience that used to be CEO's and stuff. So either they are getting the jobs or kids that are just out of college with little to no experience are getting hired so employers can pay them nothing. I can't work for nothing.

Person: I see...

Me: Yep. It sucks. Again, would you like to hire me?

Person: (smiling while slowly backing away), Well, I'll keep my ears open for you. Good luck.

And that's the way it goes.

So I ask you this, would you like to hire me?

You really never forget...

2009-04-28T12:55:00.006-04:00

I made it back from Florida!

I learned a few things.

1. Three nights (really just two days) is not long enough to go to the beach.

2. You need a vacation from your vacation (I was so exhausted yesterday I never got out of my pajamas).

3. You really never forget how to ride a bicycle.

We took the really long (and dark) way to Florida on Thursday. We didn't get out of Atlanta until 7:30pm because Krista had to work. It was almost 2am (Atlanta time) when we got to Florida. The drive there was awful. We drove all the way to Montgomery and took 331 all the way into Fort Walton. It took hours. It was a dark, two lane road and hard to navigate because there are no lights. Don't go that way. We were exhausted when we got there but still managed to stay up (watching The Hand That Rocks The Cradle on TBS) until like 5am. We awoke early on Friday and hit the beach.

Saturday we got up super early again and went to breakfast (at The Red Bar - sooooo good. It's in Grayton Beach and you must go there if you ever in that part of Florida). We came back to our room (we stayed in Santa Rosa) and rented bikes. I honestly don't think I've been on a bicycle in 15 years. I was wobbly at first, but soon it came back to me and it was like I never stopped riding. It is so true that you don't forget. I was amazed. We ended up riding about 3.5 miles back to Red Bar for drinks (I stuck with water because the ride wore me out and I knew we had to ride back). We saw this awesome bluegrass band. Then we rode back the 3.5 miles to our hotel. So, after not having been on a bike in years I did about 7 miles. I felt like a superstar (a very sore superstar). Then we headed to the beach and I took a nap in my beach chair under an umbrella. So relaxing.

We came home on Sunday and took another way back to Atlanta and it seemed faster (but maybe because it was daylight and I could see the road ahead of me).

The wedding was really beautiful too.

I'm just happy to be home, but now it's back to reality and that's the reality of finding a job.

Well, in two weeks we'll be off to New Orleans. So it will be nice to have another break from reality.

Oh, and major sads about Bea Arthur. I'll miss her.

Gone Beachin'

2009-04-23T12:07:00.002-04:00

Not that I've been blogging as much as I should be, I'm not going to be blogging at least until Monday. Know why? Because I'm going to the beach!!! Yee haw!!!! Unless I get a wild hair (piece of sand) up my butt and decide to share something with your from my BlackBerry (which I probably won't because I plan on leaving it in the hotel room most of the trip) then I'll be back in Atlanta Sunday night where I will head straight to Philips Arena to volunteer for the Food Bank (conveniently at the Bruce Springsteen show). Have a fab weekend and be totally jeals because all weekend long I'll have the sand between my toes (and everywhere else), the saltwater in my nose (love that smell!), and the sun warming my body.

xoxox!

Welcome Back, Encore?

2009-04-20T18:30:00.007-04:00

So I went to see Hall & Oates on Friday. They were freaking awesome. It was a short show, a little over an hour and a half, but I got everything I could've wanted from them.

I knew that Oates shaved his iconic mustache a few years ago, but it wasn't until I was at the show (and in really amazing seats) that I realized how much a mustache-less Oates looks like Juan Epstein (everyone's favorite Jewish Latino Sweathog). AND, Darryl Hall, if he dyed his blonde hair brown would be a shoe-in for Vinnie Barbarino with his flowing locks, cool guy sunglasses, and leather jacket.

The Welcome Back, Kotter comparisons went on for hours (long after the not even two hour show) in my head, but it didn't take away from how incredible they sounded. Rich Girl was a religious experience from me. The whole show was bookended by Maneater first and a second (or third) encore of Kiss On My List.

Here's the thing with encores, we all know they're going to happen, so when someone behind me (like a 50+ year old someone) freaks out when H&O leave the stage the first time and begins to panic that they haven't yet done You Make My Dreams or Private Eyes I wanted to turn around (and almost did) and hit him. Dude, encores are part of a show. It's like watching an episode of "Rock of Love" and being surprised to find out that your favorite competitor is a stripper (or has fake boobs). Besides the fact, we're at Chastain, an outside venue. And even though it wasn't very late when the show ended they are not going to send thousands of fans out of the venue without turning on the house lights. It's a good thing to know (and I just assumed that everyone did) that the show ain't over until the house lights come on (or until the fat lady sings, but as long as the house lights are on when she does).

It is because of this that I think encores have lost their luster. An encore should happen when the band leaves the stage with every intention of going back to their dressing room and changing clothes and partying with groupies, but then they hear the unmistakable roar of the crowd, their crowd, cheering and screaming and calling for more. And holding their lighters up in the air so the whole crowd looks like an illuminated, glowing, UFO (?). Except that people don't hold lighters up anymore, save for maybe being at a Metallica show. That's when the guitar player and the drummer convince the front man to go back out. "Dude, they're yelling for us. This is awesome. Let's go out and give them one more." Then it really is an encore. Instead nowadays, probably for safety reasons, the encore is a standard part of any show and even if the band walked off the stage and nobody stood up and demanded more they would still come back out and perform. In my mind this also defeats the purpose of multiple encores. You don't keep leaving the stage only to come back because the crowd is going wild. You do it because that's the way you wanted to (self indulgence maybe?). I'll be beyond impressed when I see a band leave the stage, the house lights come on, the fans stay in a frenzy and refuse to leave and then the band come back on stage (house lights still up) and do an acoustic version (because at this point they're probably unplugged because the sound guy is union and when he's done, he's done) of Free Bird or something.

Meanwhile, I'll be scouring shows all spring and summer long to find the "new" versions of Mr. Kotter, Horshack and Freddie "Boom Boom" Washington (and Emily, if I check out any chick shows) to go with my updated, older (yet more refined) versions of Barbarino and Juan Epstein.

As John Sebastian would say "Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out. Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about." I don't know how that applies here but there was no way I was going to blog about Welcome Back, Kotter and the Sweathogs and not include lines to one of the best TV show theme songs ever.

Pitchmen and why I want a dog...

2009-04-16T17:02:00.005-04:00

Did you watch Pitchmen last night? It was sooooo good. I like Billy Mays more and more every time I see him and Pitchmen did not let me down. And I loved the products they highlighted last night. I thought the GPS Pal was cool and maybe I would buy one if I had a GPS. But I think it's a great idea proving that necessity really is the mother of invention. The Impact Gel insoles were awesome. When that car ran over Sully's hand I was scrambling for my credit card and the phone. I would like to get a pair for Jamie since he's on his feet all day and doesn't get to wear comfy shoes like sneakers. He has to wear dress shoes and we all know how comfortable those can be, especially when you're standing all day. I Googled "Impact Gel insoles" and got a trillion hits. You can buy these things all over the place. When I get a job (soon, I hope) I'm going to buy Jamie a pair and tell him "Now that the pain in your ass got a job it's time for you to stop having pain in your feet and lower legs and back." I think he'll like them.

And the above pic is from our cook out last Saturday. The cute puppy is not mine. His name is Dennehy (yes, like Brian) and he belongs to Josh and Krista. But he's really cute and I love him. Aren't we adorable together? This is even more proof of why I am in desperate need of a dog of my own.

One tacky outfit...

2009-04-15T16:52:00.005-04:00

I know, three posts in one day! What am I thinking?

So last night the Braves game and post game ended just shy of 10pm so Peachtree TV aired about ten minutes of America's Funniest Home Videos. This was an old one as Bob Saget was hosting (and he hosted the show from 1989-1997, which, really? He hosted for eight years?). Before I could get to the remote to change the channel I was caught staring at his outfit (and took a pic. What did we do before camera phones?).

Ok, steel gray shirt with TWO pockets (and matching pants), a blue and red and yellow striped tie, and a brown plaid type sport coat? Oy. I had to take a picture and share with you. This outfit looked worse on TV, the camera on the BlackBerry did not do it justice. I know Bob's a comedian (and a dirty one at that) but this outfit really isn't even funny. Not even for the late 80's/early 90's.

Speaking of Bob, I heard he has a new sitcom on ABC. I'm just saying.

Bee-Tee-Dubs

2009-04-15T16:15:00.005-04:00

Don't forget to watch Billy Mays' new show, "Pitchmen," tonight at 10pm on the Discovery Channel. Here's the description I pulled of the Discovery Channel website.

Billy and Sully try to turn two inventors' million dollar dreams into realities. A man from a Texas trailer park has solved a pesky GPS problem while another man's gel insoles could be big news for sore feet. But will they sell when put to the test?

I don't know who Sully is, but if he's half as cool as Billy we'll be in business. I (heart) Billy Mays.

BTW, I took the Personality Quiz to see which Infomercial Product I am and I am the revolutionary Swivel Sweeper! "Like this amazingly convenient and maneuverable floor sweeper, you like to run around in circles and clean up other people's messes. You're quick and light on your feet, and can recharge your batteries at a moment's notice. You can be a bit of a sucker, but you're so much more than a tool." Hmm...

You can take the quiz too by clicking here.

Day 171

2009-04-15T15:51:00.005-04:00

Yes, believe it or not I have been without a full time job for 171 days. It has been 171 days since I heard those fateful words "you are no longer employed here." Certainly not the best day ever.

But on to something way more important.

Do you see the above picture? Horrifying isn't it? That is how Jamie ruined my ice cream.

We keep ice cream in the house. We very rarely eat it, but it's something we always like to have on hand. Last night I was upset because the Braves lost. I sat down at 10pm to enjoy the Real Housewives of NYC (so good as always) and decided that I deserved some ice cream to mend my baseball pains. I scooped out some chocolate chip cookie dough and Jamie fumbled in the fridge for "Hippy" one of two Easter bunnies his Mom had given us on Sunday. We ate "Hoppy," the other Easter bunny, the night before. While Jamie removed "Hippy" from his (her?) cellophane wrap and decorative box I asked him if I could have a little in lieu of adding chocolate syrup to my ice cream. When I turned around the above picture is what was in my bowl.

I could barely eat it because my consolation prize was now looking at me.

Prize Pigs

2009-04-14T20:32:00.005-04:00

Today I went to the Terminus Building to do some work for High Rise (watch it. Watch it now).

Before I continue, let me give you some background. At my last "real" job, I dealt with all of our prize winners, contests, and contest entries. I learned that there is a small group of people, we call them Prize Pigs, who enter contests - a lot. These people come to all of the events (and not just ours, these same people would also stalk other radio events too), entered every contest (multiple times) and memorized the rules (to make sure they could enter multiple times and call us out if we changed anything). They were freaks. They would also take a t-shirt every time they saw us even though everyone knew they had just taken one from us the other day. These people very rarely had positive things to say or would even say "thank you." After doing what I did for a while I got to know these people (most of them just by their names, some by faces as well) and would do what I could to find a way to make ineligible (we had a rule that you could only win a prize once every thirty days and only once every six months if you won a prize valued at more than $600). I got to the point where I would include a line in all contest rules (and post liberally on contest pages on the website) that only one entry per person was permitted and multiple entries would disqualify you. This barely stopped them. These people got tricky too. They would set up multiple email addresses and use nicknames, for instance Bill Smith's email would be BillSmith@email.com and he would also enter as William Smith using WilliamS@email.com. Very sneaky, but I was onto them. Don't get me wrong, there were a few that were nice and obeyed the rules, and I always took that into account, but the majority of them were awful, selfish people. If a contest ended early due to a glitch in the computer system, or something was slightly tweaked (like a method of entry) my phone would ring off the hook. If someone won concert tickets to one show on Monday and then tickets to something else on Wednesday they would call me to tell me they didn't want the tickets they won on Monday because they knew they couldn't have both and more than likely they would end up only with the pair they won first. I was as diplomatic and polite as I could be, but these people wore me out. One guy on the phone one day told me that he plays online sweepstakes all the time and wins thousands of dollars worth of prizes on a regular basis. I'm all for winning stuff (like the lottery or a good game of trivia) but seriously to make it a hobby, a lifestyle is bizarre.

So, back to where I began.

I was Terminus today doing some database stuff for High Rise (seriously, WATCH IT) and I noticed how many times the same freaking people entered a contest to win AirTran Airways tickets (if you watch it you too can enter). It brought me back to old times at the radio and dealing with these Prize Pigs. When you see someone has entered multiple times, especially if they are trying to be sneaky about it all it does it make you want to ensure they will not win.

There is nothing wrong with entering contests. I enter everyday (because the rules say I can) to win a trip to the Galapagos Islands with Alex Trebek (and I am going to win) and from time to time I buy a lottery ticket (but the lotto is different because you have to pay to play). But I will never become a Prize Pig.

These people are pigs in every sense of the meaning. They hoard things and most of them are overweight. I'm not slamming pigs (don't come after me PETA). I love pigs and think they're cute and wouldn't mind having one one day. To paraphrase Bon Jovi, these people give pigs a bad name.

Weekend Highlights

2009-04-13T15:28:00.005-04:00

I'm not going to give you a whole weekend update because I don't think you need to know that Jamie and I went to Big Lots...

Friday was a holiday. Not Good Friday, but Braves Home Opener Day! As you may or may not know I am a huge Braves fan so this is a big deal to me. We got to the game early because we didn't have tickets. Once we scored those (from the box office, there was not a scalper in sight) we tailgated for a bit before heading in to Turner Field. I ran straight to section 203 (we had standing room tickets) to see our good friend Mr. Franklin. Mr. Franklin is an usher and he is the man. His section is right behind home plate so we always go and stand at one of the high top tables behind his section. By the 7th or 8th inning he lets us down to seats. We exchanged hugs and got ready for the game. The Home Opener always takes a while to get going because they have to introduce the opposing teams starters, the entire Braves roster, and do a bunch of stuff with kids on the field. The first pitch was thrown out by retired Braves radio announcer Pete Van Wieren. Before he tossed out the ball (to Greg Norton!) they showed a video retrospective, which was very nice even though we couldn't hear the audio (it was muffled sounding). He also got a cool looking award and something in a Tiffany's box (that made me jealous and curious, was it something from the Elsa Peretti collection?).

The ironic part of the night is they were giving out "rally rags" (towels) to people as they walked in. What a bit of foreshadowing... After the 4th inning the game was put in an two hour rain delay. Thank God for the rally rags because those little towels made great seat drying off tools. We (the Braves) were up the whole game until we played our endless game of pitcher swap out (Lowe to Carlyle to Moylan to O'Flaherty to Bennett to Soriano to Gonzalez and then to starting pitcher Campillo) and let the Nationals take the lead. Bottom of the 10th inning (1:25am) the Braves finally won! We went on to sweep the Nationals and are now 5-1.

Flash forward to Sunday.

We went to see Observe & Report last night at the drive in. I had high hopes for this movie because Seth Rogen is in it and I love him. How disappointed was I that an hour and a half later the movie was over and I had barely chuckled (and I'm one of those annoying laugh out loud hysterically people in movies). There wasn't much of a plot. There was no good story. I wonder if he did this movie like between projects just to have something to do with his time? I'm going to tell you to see it because I want to support Seth Rogen and he hasn't let me down until now, but wait until it comes out on DVD. We were going to stay for I Love You, Man (always a double feature at the drive in) but it was late and I wanted to get home to catch the second showing of the Rock of Love finale.

I was let down AGAIN! I didn't love either of the girls Bret had in the final two (Mindy and Taya). But I really disliked Taya. I don't know why, maybe it's her endless quest for perfection and she lied a lot (like about being a stripper - when on this show, that's a good thing, everybody else is), but something about her rubbed me the wrong way. If he had picked Mindy I know it wouldn't have lasted, but at least he wouldn't have picked Taya. The reunion is next week. I'm excited to see what gets revealed (if anything). I did see that some of my fave ho's from Rock of Love Bus are going to be on Charm School with Ricki Lake (?) so I'll def be watching that. I know there won't be any more Rock of Love's with Bret Michaels (he said so). I'm just sad for him that after three seasons of additively trashy TV he didn't find his Rock of Love.

One more TV note before I wrap it up for today...

My number one hero, Billy Mays, has a new TV SHOW (not a commercial) debuting on Wednesday (April 15) on the Discovery Channel called Pitchmen. I don't really know what it's about, but believe I will be watching. More on that later.

Who are we really waiting for?

2009-04-09T15:52:00.003-04:00

So last night was the first night of Passover. And it got me thinking (as most things do). The first night of Passover you host a Sedar (and the second night too depending on what kind of Jew you are). Sedar is Hebrew for order cause on Passover you have to do all sorts of stuff in a certain order.

One of the things you do is open the door to welcome Elijah in. I just read up on Elijah and I think he is a prophet and you welcome him because he is the precursor to the Messiah returning (I have no idea what I'm talking about). The point is you open the door and wait for him to come to Sedar. You also pour him a glass of wine (if he's coming over he might as well have a drink).

I've been to over 20 Sedar's in my life and not once has Elijah showed up. I think he's like Godot.

Remember that play "Waiting for Godot"? Basically these two dudes are hanging out on a bench waiting for this dude named Godot to show up and he never does. The same idea later became the movie "Waiting for Guffman." You know, that Christopher Guest movie? Where the town is putting on the play and they are expecting Guffman, the big agent or whatever to see them.

Anyway, that's how I feel about Elijah. I totally understand that this is a religious thing and it's supposed be symbolic and not literal, but I'm tired of waiting for people to show up that don't. Who are we really waiting for?

Nobody Likes Me...

2009-04-05T13:56:00.004-04:00

Everybody hates me. I guess I'll go eat worms.

I do feel like no one likes me. I have three people following me on Twitter. No one reads my blog (except for you, Mom). And, I have 45 Facebook friends. I don't know if that's a lot, but I have a feeling some people just collect friends and don't really feel a connection to you, but just want you to have access to their page and their super cool pics (I have no pics on my page).

Why does no one like me? How can I market my blog and increase my readership to, say, 100 people?

I also have two really big zits right now.

I need a hug.

(The above pic is me, being sad.)

Kell-amity!

2009-04-01T14:58:00.006-04:00

This post is all about last night's (March 31) ep of The Real Housewives of NYC, so now you've been warned.

O! M! G!

Last night's episode was pure drama. Not "dramz" like Speidi and Lauren and Audrina and Brody and Stephanie have on The Hills. This was real drama.

There were so many fights I had to keep notes. First we had Bethenny vs. Kelly. Then Ramona vs. Kelly (almost). Then Jill vs. Mario (Ramona's husband). Then Ramona and Mario vs. Silex (Simon and Alex). It was just too much. The only housewife that wasn't involved in some sort of altercation last night was LuAnn. I guess Countess' don't squabble (though she did go off on Ramona a few weeks back when Ramona implied that The Count is an old man, sorry, but I agree, not that there's anything wrong with a (much) older man). BTW, news broke yesterday that The Countess (almost a Duchess) and The Count are getting a D-I-V-O-R-C-E. I hate to be negative, but who didn't see that one coming? He's never around.

I have to say that new housewife Kelly sucks. She's awful. And not in the good way that grabs ratings. She's just the worst and the show was better off without her. She has a holier than thou attitude. When she said last night that she went to Columbia, my mouth fell open. But my point is this, how dare she attack Bethenny like that. Bethenny speaks her mind but she is real. I don't know that for fact as I don't know Bethenny, but you can just tell. She owns up to what she says and does and never apologizes for being herself, and you gotta respect that about a person. Even LuAnn took up for her (sort of) when Kelly rehashed their run in. So, if you didn't see last weeks ep Kelly shows up to this planning meeting for a charity event Jill is hosting for arthritis (Jill's daughter suffers from arthritis, and apparently Ramona's daughter does too - what is in the water in NYC?). She shows up late and is rude the whole time she is there. So Bethenny, when asked by another person at the meeting, gave her honest opinion and compared Kelly to Madonna, which I think was her way of calling Kelly a diva. And no offense to Madonna, she deserves to be a diva, if she wants. Kelly continues to inform everyone how she doesn't lend her name to anything. Well, Kelly, why show up to a charity meeting if you have no intentions of being involved? I would've politely declined. I'm sure everyone would've appreciated that a lot more than having this awful woman show up late, derail the meeting, and make an ass out herself. So cut to this week when Kelly asks Bethenny to meet her for a "sit down." Kelly arrives half an hour late with not even a phone call (or a purse! How do you go out by yourself without a purse? Where do you keep your keys?). When Bethenny calls her on it she replies that she doesn't care that she's so late. Kelly continues to berate Bethenny, telling her she's "up here" while Bethenny is "down there." It goes on like this, with Kelly putting herself on a pedestal and insulting Bethenny. So disgusting. And immature. Kudos for Bethenny for sitting there and acting like a true adult (and sane person) while this wacko goes off. After Kelly leaves the table Bethenny gathers her purse (see! How do you go out without a purse?) and heads for the door where Kelly is waiting. WTF? This is straight up Spencer and Lauren shit. Kelly accosts Bethenny again and it's like, dude, why are you still there waiting for her to leave so you can ambush her again? Grow up. So they exchange words again, decide they will never be friends (thank God), and Bethenny leaves. Bethenny is the one that coined the word Kell-amity, saying Kelly was a complete calamity. We see Kelly going back into the bar to meet her date. Some douchey foreign dude with stringy hair who obviously has no real interest in Kelly besides her long legs and leathery face. I can only imagine what this would've turned out like had this been the Real Housewives of Atlanta instead of classy NYC.

So for round (almost) two we have Kelly returning and this time her opponent is Ramona. Ramona apparently has been in fashion her whole life. She went to FIT (I know what that is because that's where Lauren goes on The Hills) and worked for Calvin Klein and stuff. So, OK, Ramona gets fashion. Good for her. So, Ramona gets front seats for the Badgley Mischka show and invites Kelly to go with her. Later on Kelly's article in Page Six goes to print and talks about how she's introducing these women to NYC Fashion Week (which obviously she didn't watch Season 1 or she would know that they've all been there and done that). So Ramona freaks out because she took Kelly to the freaking BM show. At the Page Six party Ramona pulls Kelly aside and asks her about it and Kelly says she was talking about everyone but Ramona. I wouldn't have let that fly, but Ramona, surprisingly, did.

If you remember from Season 1 Ramona and Jill got all super competitive in a tennis match. Jill ended up winning. So I guess they've been trying to get together to play another game. This time Ramona's partner will be her tennis pro husband Mario. So Mario is trying to arrange this game and for whatever reason they can't figure out a date cause whenever Mario is in town Jill is unavailable and whenever Jill can do it Mario can't. So this comes to a head at the Page Six party. Mario basically attacks Jill and is totally being a grade a a-hole. Telling Jill she does nothing but shop and eat and go on trips with Bobby. Speaking of Bobby (Jill's husband), he is so funny, he keeps asking Jill if she needs him to get involved. But like a strong, Jewish woman she doesn't need him for this battle. Mario reverts to a five year old and does nothing but repeat the same insults over and over and mocks Jill. She, being the adult, tries to get away from him, gets engaged on her phone (a very clear signal that the conversation is over), and even calls for Wayne (Wayne, as we learn, is her driver but also does security for her. I love Jill). Mario ends up walking away on his own. But not after making an immature ass out of himself. And all this over a dumb tennis game. Seriously. It's like people that cheat at bar trivia. It's just a bar game.

Then we see Mario talking to Simon when Ramona walks up (not sure where she was during the Mario vs. Jill situation, but it was probably best she wasn't there). Ramona for a second is actually cordial to Simon and he to her. Then Alex walks up and I'm not sure how or why but shit hits the fan. Apparently Ramario (I just made that up) is mad at Silex because they invited Silex to a party with fancy, important people the night before Alex's topless photos were published in the tabs. So Ramario felt betrayed because these were people that don't like topless women? Anyway, Silex says they had no idea at that time the pictures were going to be leaked. Cut to Simon giving Us Weekly a plug for pubbing the pics. Ramona interviews that of course they knew because obviously it was them that leaked the pics. Which I totally believe. These are the most status craving people ever. So this fight ends with two parties simply walking away from each other.

Bravo re-runs everything a billion times so if you missed this ep or don't watch the show you need to make a point to watch this episode. So good.

For the record, Jill is my fave. I want to be her BFF.

I love TV with some drama and this gave me my money's worth.

Bee-Tee-Dubs, the above is pic is from Season 1 and doesn't include Kelly. I did that on purpose. I don't need her mug ugly-ing up my blog.

This is why...

2009-03-31T17:03:00.003-04:00

Kitty hates me. This pretty much explains it all.

Dear Time Life, You are awesome!

2009-03-31T15:28:00.006-04:00

I could be the only person in the world that does this, but I sincerely doubt it. Since I know I've gotten Jamie into doing it there are at least two of us and I'm willing to bet there are millions more. Though most of you that do do it are probably not willing to admit it. But this is a safe haven. A place where we can be proud. I'll go first and openly discuss it.

I am addicted to watching the Time Life Music collection infomercials. I am. It all started a year ago with Peter Fonda. Time Life is sneaky (AND smart). They get big time celebs (like Peter Fonda, Ashford & Simpson, Air Supply, Tony Orlando, and more) to host these half hour TV parties with the greatest songs of all time. And then they offer you unbelievable deals on owning these music collections!! AND if you call now they'll throw in something extra, like two bonus discs. Unbelievable. I don't know how they do it.

So, back to Peter Fonda. I was flipping through the channels one night, probably after a night out and stumbled upon Peter Fonda and some lady sitting next to Captain America's bike from Easy Rider (probably a replica, but nonetheless), with a tie dye VW Bus in the background. Obviously being the hippie I am I stopped. I was then exposed to some of the greatest songs of all time! It's so fun to watch these and sing along with the clips of the songs they play. This collection had everything I could've ever wanted. You have everything on there from the Mommas & the Poppas to the Byrds to Peter, Paul & Mary to one hit wonders I've never heard of (but for some reason knew their songs by heart). It's 175 songs!!! I probably made Jamie watch this infomercial (and join me in singing along) at least ten times.

Then one night we happened to catch one selling 70's R&B or something like that. Ashford & Simpson hosted that one. There's also a soft rock one with Air Supply (Air Supply even does an impromptu acoustic jam during the infomercial on the weirdo set that looks like someone's beach house from the 80's). And this past Sunday we caught an awesome Love Songs of the 70's with none other than Tony Orlando (Dawn was no where to be found. I wonder what happened to those two ladies with the singular name...). The best part about watching these, besides the singing and constant mental battle you undergo trying to convince yourself to not get out bed to get the credit card and cell phone, is seeing how people have aged, how trends have changed, and how music has changed.

In the clips of the songs they show you, you see old school performances (and occasionally part of an actual music video, depending on the era of the collection). Nothing is cooler than making fun of the scene (like Rod Stewart surrounded by about a billion fat chicks), the clothes (here's looking at you Anne Murray), the hair (talking to you Starland Vocal Band and almost every singer/songwriter from the 70's cause you all had white people afros), and the overall vibe (it's all so mellow). And what is with the random scenes of modern day people frolicking on beaches?

Next time you are up late night surf around for a Time Life infomercial. You will not be disappointed. And if you happen to order one, besides being my hero, will you burn me copies if I get you blank CD's?

Click here to check out all the amazing things you can get from Time Life Music. Unbelievable. This December when my birthday rolls around this website will double as my wish list.

Bee-Tee-Dubs, I am in no way being compensated for this endorsement. I have not been contacted by Time Life Music (but it would be awesome if I was and they wanted to give me a free collection). I simply am sharing a fave thing of mine with you.

Sunday

2009-03-30T14:52:00.005-04:00

I'm not going to do a whole Weekend Update today because Friday and Saturday were fun but I'd rather focus on Sunday. I will say that on Saturday we went to the Star Bar for Psychobilly Night hosted by my friend Rev. Andy and it was awesome.

I woke up Sunday and Jamie and I went to brunch at Cafe di Sol. It was good. I had a broccoli and cheddar omelet. I guess I'm used to mild cheddar because the cheddar they used in my omelet was so strong I had a hard time eating it. Luckily there wasn't a ton of cheese in it and the broccoli was really good. Then I went with Jamie to get a hair cut. He's such a copy cat because I got my hair cut last Thursday.

After that we ended up tagging along with Josh and Krista to IKEA. And I'm not allergic to IKEA anymore! I didn't sneeze once. Last time I was there I had such an allergy attack I could barely see, let alone breathe. IKEA is great for a lot of things, but there store is so freakin' big and you can only go one way through the whole store you really feel trapped in there. We found a love seat we like, and a wardrobe, and a table for our back deck. So we'll be going back next week, when Jamie is on spring break, on a week day so we can get there when they open in the morning and beat the crowd. That store gets so crowded it's disgusting. I hate crowds. We did a buy a rug for the front door (like a mat) for $3. You can't beat their prices. And the quality (at least on the stuff we have from IKEA) is pretty awesome. Except for their "teflon" pots and pans. Don't buy those. Our "teflon" frying pan began to lose it's "teflon" and ruined a whole batch of scrambled eggs I made one day. We were going to buy a "teflon" wok but Josh said not to because the same thing that happened to me with my frying pan happened to him with an IKEA wok.

After IKEA we went to eat (no swedish meatballs for us!) and then came home.

Last night Jamie and I headed to Terminus for a screening of the first six episodes of High Rise. First off, let me say that if I didn't like what I saw and I wasn't impressed with it I wouldn't slam it, I would just not talk about it. BUT, I freakin' LOVED it. Jamie did too. I didn't know what to expect because when you work on a project like this it's hard to know what the final product will look like. We didn't shoot any scenes in chronological order, we did so many takes for each scene that it all ran together. The whole thing looks so good. The actors look awesome, the quality is amazing, it's just really professional. Oh, and there was a Melissa spotting (besides my name in the credits, which is just too cool)! I don't want to go into too much because I really want you to watch High Rise and let me know your opinion, but in the first bar scene (it's not the first episode, I think it's like episode 4 or 5) I'm in the background at a table. Totally hilars. You wouldn't notice me unless I pointed me out to you.

Anyway, I'm so not plugging this because I was a part of this series, I'm plugging it because it is good and absolutely worth watching. Please check out High Rise!! New episodes debut on Tuesday's and Friday's beginning on March 31 (tomorrow) on Comcast Channel 1 On Demand and online at HighRiseTheSeries.com. I promise, you won't be disappointed.

The pic above is me and Tom Glavine on the set of High Rise. Yes, he's in it too!

One Eyed Monsters

2009-03-26T15:07:00.004-04:00

First off, get your mind out of the gutter. For reals. I know "One Eyed Monster" is a euphemism for a body part of the male persuasion but I am not talking anatomy here. In fact, I'm talking the exact opposite. I'm being literal and discussing monsters with one eye (but not a Cyclops) in movies.

I've seen a crap ton of previews for the new Dreamworks movie Monsters Vs. Aliens. And it looks good. I'm inclined to see it because I love the Shrek movies (also by Dreamworks) and because Seth Rogen and Keifer Sutherland both are in it (well, since it's animated they voice characters in it).

Before I go any further, I would like to say that I am also a big fan of Pixar movies. One of my faves is Monsters, Inc. My favorite character in Monsters, Inc. is "Mike Wazowski" voiced by Billy Crystal. Yes, I love Billy Crystal (Hello! Number 1 Soap fan here!), but he did such a fantastic job of creating a character for "Mike Wazowski" it was impossible to not walk away from the movie demanding more "Mike." I even loved him so much that for a short time at my parents we had this cat coming around that hung out with/terrorized Kitty that we named him Mike Wazowski (because in Monsters, Inc. the little girl calls the other monster "Kitty"). If you haven't seen Monsters, Inc. (you need to) then what you don't know is that "Mike Wazowski" is a funny little, green, one eyed monster!

And that leads me back to Monsters Vs. Aliens, the cutest character (and what seems like the most fun character that I will end up loving, at least based on the 7,000,000,000 previews I've seen) is voiced by Seth Rogen. His name is "B.O.B.", he is a blue blob looking thing, and he is a one eyed monster!

I don't know if Monsters Vs. Aliens is Dreamworks answer (eight years later) to Monsters, Inc. or what, but I have a feeling the similarities go way beyond lovable one eyed monsters. I'll have to go into a deeper comparison after I see Monsters Vs. Aliens. And trust me, I will be seeing it. But probably not in 3-D.

Jamie and I went to see "The Nightmare Before Christmas" in 3-D back in 2007 and for the first half of the movie I was on the verge of throwing up. Once the nausea subsided I still had to take my glasses off every few minutes to let my eyes and stomach and head relax.

So anyway, here's to One Eyed Monsters - the real kind, not the boy part kind.

So what is it about one eyed monsters?

Why is this happening?

2009-03-24T15:51:00.004-04:00

Have you ever dismissed a song for whatever reason and then like years and years later you rediscover it and you just can't get enough of it? That's happening to me now.

First off, I would like to start this off by saying I am not, in any way, shape, or form a Phish fan. Jamie is. He might say he isn't, but he has to be because he went on Phish tour for a while (like more than once to God knows how many shows in how many different venues). I am a hippie though. I love, love, love the Grateful Dead and I love the whole 60's counter-culture movement and all that it brought us like clothes (tie dye!), and TV (have you ever seen Dragnet, even though they hate hippies I love Sgt. Joe Friday), and Woodstock (I'm talking the Oscar winning documentary here because I was not alive in 1969 to actually be there). Ok, that has nothing to do with anything. My point is, is that I don't like Phish (but they weren't around the 60's but "modern day" hippies like them, except me).

But recently I rediscovered a song by them called "Bouncing Around the Room" and I can't stop listening to it. I can't believe I'm even blogging about this (not that anyone reads my blog) because this is something that I would never admit in public. But I'm obsessed with this song right now for some reason. I'm sure it's just a phase and I'll go grow out of it in like a day or two, but why does this happen?

Jamie and I are going to Bonnaroo in June and Phish is playing (yea for Jamie, boo for Melissa) and I told him I would see them with him since they were such a part of his life (see above). Plus there won't be much else to do while they are playing since I don't imagine any other bands will be on different stages while this is going on. The first year of Roo Widespread Panic headlined two nights and I really dislike them too (except for "Don't Tell The Band" because it's a nice little rock n' roll album, not very Panic-y and probably not good live because they'll jam it all up with jam). So while they were playing (I did try to enjoy them for like 10 minutes and then gave up because I wasn't into their sound and their fans, the ones I was standing around anyway, were gross and kept touching me and talking to me) I wandered my way over to the movie theater and watched a fascinating Bob Marley documentary. It might've been so good because it wasn't Widespread Panic and because it was the only other thing to do while Panic was playing. So I was hoping for something cool to be happening while Phish would play but then I promised Jamie. And if they play "Bouncing Around the Room" then I'll be happy. But of course by then I'll probably be over it.

Bee-Tee-Dubs, the pic above is the first thing that came up in a Google Image Search when I typed in Bouncing Around the Room. I think it's very appropo given the picture of the fish. Some Phish-Head (is that what they're called?) probably made it.

UPDATE: I checked Wikipedia and Phish fans are called Phishheads, Phamily, or Phans.

Weekend Update (but not the SNL kind)

2009-03-23T16:07:00.004-04:00

Here's my Monday morning check in when I tell you about the weekend. It started on Thursday when we came in third place at trivia. We should've come in second but we didn't bet enough points at the end (it's like Jeopardy! where you get the final category and have to wager points before you hear the question).

Friday was fun times as always at the Food Bank. We were going to have people over for the inaugural Board Game Night Club, but then Jamie got a really horrible headache so we had to cancel. We lounged around and I watched The Soup (Joel McHale is hysterical).

We got up on Saturday (Jamie first) and had pancakes (Nanerpuss!) and eggs and bacon. Then Jamie went to work on the back yard. Let me clarify something here, I told Jamie before we moved into this house that I understood how badly he wanted a yard but that I more than likely (definitely) would not be helping him fix it up because that's just not my thing. It is kinda selfish of me because once the yard is finished I will be taking advantage of it but still. So Jamie literally spent hours in the back yard and took down all of the bamboo. I liked the bamboo, but I get that it's a weed and it had taken over so much of the yard that you couldn't tell how much land we had back there. I'm sitting here now looking at the yard and besides about 1,000,000 pieces of bamboo on the ground (if you need bamboo please come over and get some, I'll even make you a turkey sandwich if you take 10 stalks or more) there is also a bucket, a red pipe looking thing, a cat (I think he belongs next door), and all sorts of debris looking garbage type stuff that we never noticed before because of the bamboo. So, while Jamie was busting his ass my friend Matt came over and we sat on the front porch and gossiped.

Saturday night was by far the highlight of the weekend. We went to Josh and Ashley's for dinner (an amazing dinner with chicken and pork and broccoli and sweet potatoes, and so much garlic that if we had a copy of Twilight on DVD somewhere nearby it would've grown legs and run away). And then we went to my new favorite place in the world, Southern Comfort.

Southern Comfort is this honky-tonk trucker bar just outside of 285 on Moreland Avenue. It's technically in Conley, Georgia. Which I've never even heard of. This place is incredible. The guys had to pay $3 but us lovely ladies got in free. The drinks were good, the service was great and the band (the owner, George F. Jones leads the band) was awesome. It's a great place to go to observe (and you know how much I love people watching). There were people with no teeth, men in Wrangler patriotic shirts with eagles and stuff on them, a woman with a large, white scrunchie on her wrist, and so much awesomeness I can't even explain. The hair dos that many of the women were sporting I swear came straight out of Mama's Family. Vicki Lawrence would've been plenty proud. Everyone was nice and what was even cooler is that most people there were really good dancers. I normally feel like the Baryshnikov in the room but at this place I was more like an Elaine. The moves these people had were incredible. There was a group of women line dancing and I swear I could've watched them for hours. The most bizarre thing about this place is at the end of each song the dance floor clears. And once the next song starts people immediately dash back. I just don't get it. Every time Jamie and I danced and the song ended we literally had to haul ass off the dance floor only to turn around as soon as the band started again. Very strange. The band does mostly covers and they cover everything from that P.O.S. Kid Rock song where he samples Werewolves of London and Sweet Home Alabama to Ophelia (by The Band and if you didn't know that then call me and I'll learn you a thing or two about The Band). It was an experience. We were def the youngest people in there. Most people (except the servers) are 60+ (or they might be younger but look old, you know, hung up wet to dry or whatever). Right around midnight though I noticed a table of hipsters come in. But I'm not going to go into how I feel about that. When it was time to go home (which was not my choice because I would've shut the place down if it had been up to me) we had the bartender call us a cab. So about 40 minutes later "Scott" shows up. "Scott" has a ponytail and ushers us into a Lincoln Town Car. We get in and I ask where his meter is. "Scott" doesn't use meters. Which was cool because we took a cab there so we knew how much the ride home should cost, and Scott was willing to work with us on the price. So we're cruising along in this Town Car with this guy driving and I felt like I was in the scene of a movie or something (specifically the scene in Super Troopers at the beginning where one of the cops goes undercover and steals the police car with the stoners in the back and goes for a joy ride).

Anyway, I highly recommend you go to Southern Comfort. I'll be going back as soon as I can. And according to George F. Jones (who we talked to for a while) the food is pretty extraordinary.

Sunday we had brunch at Osteria and went to Kroger. We played trivia at The Highlander, but didn't win for like the 700th time in a row. We got home a little later than expected and I think both Jamie and I felt it this morning when it was time to get up.

So it was a great weekend. I'm looking forward to a very productive week. Maybe I'll even find a job!

I'm posting for the sake of posting...

2009-03-19T17:51:00.002-04:00

It is a beautiful day today in Atlanta. The sun was out, the temp was perfect. Nice and breezy.

And if you've been paying attention then you know that I have absolutely nothing to blog about today. :)

And now a question to all readers of Melissa Boulevard...

I need a vanity. Since we've moved to the Ashland House I have nowhere to put on my makeup and sit and stare at myself in a magnified mirror critiquing every imperfection on my face that no one would ever notice unless they got all up in my grill with a magnifying glass. I haven't checked IKEA yet, but if you know of somewhere cool I can get a fairly small vanity for cheap, please let me know. I don't need a drawer for makeup (but one would be nice) and I don't need a mirror since as I've explained above I have one. Also, I don't need a chair because I have something I can sit on. But a matching chair might be cute. I guess I really just need a small table of some sort I can sit at. Any thoughts? I'm in no hurry as I don't think I've worn makeup (except once) since we moved. But with job interviews coming up (I hope anyway) I'll probably want to primp and stuff.

Board Games + Bars

2009-03-18T17:27:00.004-04:00

Sometimes you and your friends go to a bar. You always have fun because you're with your friends but sometimes (no matter how much you or may not consume) you end up sitting around the table staring at each other, searching for conversation.

I once heard that the weather is what people talk about when they have nothing else to talk about. I believe that. Sometimes it's a good way to start a conversation, like a simple pleasantry (beautiful day out today, Bob, don'tcha think?) but more often than not I've noticed people using when they truly have nothing else to talk about. "How bout that rain storm last night?"

It makes me uncomfortable when you're hanging out with your friends, people you like and choose to be around, and the conversation turns to weather. I take it as a personal failure. Maybe you will too now that I've shared my wisdom with you.

So my point is this...

Last night, in honor of St. Patrick's Day we went out with Jennifer. Normally we don't go out on Tuesday's because it's Tuesday, but it was a holiday and Jennifer had the night off and Johanna was with Mike. So, where to go... We went to Mellow Mushroom first to see Katie at work. There we were, the three of us (Katie was actually busy working) sitting around a table. I was grasping for conversation topics, anything that wasn't weather related (so, Jennifer, I'm glad the weekend of rain is over). Much to my chagrin, I looked up and both Jamie and Jennifer were on their phones. Jennifer texting and Jamie playing some game on his phone. Not only do I consider this rude behavior, but we are three FRIENDS sitting around a table ignoring each other. We might as well have been three strangers sitting at a bus stop. Of course I would've been the wacko that upon the bus arriving the other two would've gone out of their way to sit as far away from me as possible.

We finally blew that Popsicle (pizza parlor) stand and headed to The Independent. For some reason the conversation there didn't seemed as strained, although it was pretty much me and Jennifer gossiping and talking about girly things (but Jamie pretended to be interested). Then good ol' Matthew showed up. Let me back up, upon entering The Independent I noticed a large bookshelf full of nothing but board games next to the door. This peaked my interest. I love board games. I'm the president of the Board Game Night Club (I'm the only member, and we've never actually had a "Night" but one day I'll find some believers and my dream will come true). I wanted to suggest we play, but I wasn't sure how.

Ok, so then Matthew shows up. I made sure to point out to him the shelves of games only a few feet away from us. I knew Matthew would be on board (pun totally intended). Matthew is a charter member of the Board Game Night Club because one time he came over and we got so engaged in playing The 90's Game that both Jennifer and Jamie (how ironic that the four of us were back together around board games, fate probably) threatened to leave and go out without us. The game that night was declared a draw because we weren't allowed to finish.

I promptly went over to the board game shelves and selected The 80's Game (just like The 90's Game but about a different decade). We split into teams (me and Jamie verse Jennifer and Matthew) and had the best time playing. It's so fun to play trivia games like that (maybe that's why bars started doing trivia nights) because you get to test your friends on their knowledge of important and not important things. You can coach them on answers when you know they know them but are struggling and you get to make fun of them when they screw up an easy one. Jamie and I ended up winning (we are the smartest people in the world) but for the hour or so that it took to complete the game there was never a dull moment, never a thought of even having to result to bringing up the weather.

So, if I ever owned a bar I would make sure that I had an ample supply of board games on hand for my patrons to play. It probably keeps people in their seats longer too (thus spending more money).

I feel obligated to mention two things on this topic...

1. Manuel's has games too. About eight of us got into a crazy game of Cranium one night and had a blast.

2. If you do the right thing and stock your bar with board games make sure all the pieces are there. I know people do rotten things like steal and sometimes things get lost, but we can't play Balderdash without a die and and we can't play Pictionary without the clue cards. Nothing sucks more than selecting a game, getting stoked, explaining the rules and then discovering that pivotal pieces of the game are MIA.

Board games forever! Except Monopoly, because Monopoly takes too damn long. And too further my case, I present you with a quote from The Simpson's, but let me set it up for you first. The Simpson's are playing Monopoly and Lisa discovers Bart is cheating because he made most of the houses on Marvin Gardens out of Lego's and he's charging Homer a lot of money. So Homer chokes Bart and Marge and Lisa intervene but get caught up in a family "rumble." So Maggie calls the police. Lou is a police officer and if you don't know who Lisa is then you should leave.

Lisa: It seems every week the Simpson's go through a situation like this.

Lou: Looks like another case of Monopoly related violence, chief.

I'm "tweeting" on Twitter now...

2009-03-17T17:33:00.004-04:00

I don't know why, but I just set up a Twitter account. When you post something on Twitter it's called "tweeting" so I'm now tweeting and I believe you can see my tweets to the left. Cool, huh? That's about all I have to report on today.

Did some laundry. Arranged the cleaning supplies under the sink. Chopped onions, peppers, and garlic for my very St. Patrick's Day appropriate spaghetti (spaghetti is not Irish but I didn't feel like making potatoes). And now here I am.

I'd really like a job. A real job. Maybe you can find one for me and let me know because it doesn't seem like I'm having a lot of luck (o' the Irish) finding one on my own.

Why do we celebrate St. Patrick's Day? And why do we go out and get drunk in order to celebrate? Seems like we're implying the Irish are drunks. If that's the case, then why not on Cinco de Mayo (which we as Americans celebrate as well) do we go out and do Mexican things like smack pinatas instead of drink? I think we, as Americans, are drunks and we'll take any excuse to drink. But, me doing my part as an American, I guess I'll go out and drink tonight.

Looks like somebody's got a case of the Monday's

2009-03-16T18:56:00.005-04:00

I might have a case of the Monday's. Today wasn't a bad day or anything, it was actually a quite fine day, but something was off. Maybe it's the cold, rainy weather and the fact that the sun has not come out once today. I don't know what it is but I'm excited for House and 24 to come on so then I can watch The City finale and go bed and wake up when it's Tuesday. I went to the Food Bank today and got a cool new project to start on. It's a project that had I been charged with while still at my last job I probably would've dreaded doing (but done a kick ass job regardless) but since I haven't really gotten to use my skill-set in a while I'm totally stoked to be doing what I'm doing now.

I came home and made phone calls, sent emails, looked for jobs and relaxed. But something has been off. And I don't know what it is. Maybe it's because I found out that my old employer (good ol' "lay offer") laid off more people today (and some of those people are my friends) or maybe it's because WATL (and I'm calling you out because you deserve to be) showed the same ep of The Simpson's at 6p today as they did at 6p on Friday.

I love The Simpson's, but no one wants to watch the same ep two days in a row (I know Friday and Monday are not in a row, but they don't show The Simpson's on Saturday and Sunday so technically it's two days in a row). Especially when it's not the best ep ever. It's the one where Bart and Lisa think they killed Martin...

But while I'm calling out WATL let's talk about their sound issues. Sometimes when watching WATL the sound will completely go out for no reason and not come back on for like five whole minutes. This is especially annoying while watching Jeopardy! (I'm not getting emotional by using the exclamation point, it's just that Jeopardy! uses an exclamation point, check it out). Like you'll be all in to the game and then the sound will go out so you can see the clues and you continue to yell out the answers but you have no idea if you're right or wrong because there is no sound. Sometimes if you're really good at reading lips you can tell, but most of the time you have no idea if the answer is What are pancakes? or What is the book of Jake?

AND speaking of pancakes, I have been craving pancakes for like a million years so yesterday Jamie and I bought pancakes at Publix and guess what!! Jamie is in the kitchen now making pancakes for dinner. OMG! I am so excited! Perhaps pancakes are the remedy to a case of the Monday's.

BTW, if you didn't know that I was making an Office Space reference when talking about a case of the Monday's, then you need rent Office Space and eat some pancakes.

The picture above is of my hero Nanerpuss. He got his start in a Denny's ad. He's probably the reason for my pancake desire. He sings an awesome song. YouTube Nanerpuss if you don't know what I'm talking about. I (heart) Nanerpuss!

I got a great work out yesterday...

2009-03-12T16:22:00.005-04:00

Unfortunately it was at the job fair and it wasn't from riding cool rides or getting an intense mental work out from all the new things I learned and the people I met. Nope, it was a physical work out. I started my day out with Cardioke* (as I do most days) so I was definitely good to go on my cardio for the day. Which is why I was so annoyed when I got to the job fair.

It was either my fault for not paying attention to which hall the job fair was in at the Georgia World Congress Center or it wasn't included in the info I read. I don't know if you've ever been to the GWCC, but it's a huge complex with at least three exhibit halls. We took a crap shoot and parked in the gold lot which is next to Building C. The job fair was in Building A. We had to walk up numerous escalators (we walk up escalators, I don't believe in taking a free ride), down long ass hallways, through half of Building C and all of Building B before arriving in Building A. We were told that registration was to the left. So we went to the left and ended up in this long room (that we decided was easily 50 yards) that was partitioned off like a ride at Disney World or in the ticket line at the movie theatre (if you're at the theatre at Phipps Plaza). There were a lot of people there, but not enough to make us all have to walk the length of the room FIVE times just to get through the partitions. It was bizarre. They weren't checking bags, there weren't metal detectors, there was no actual registration like filling out a form or anything, I truly believe that we had to walk through those things to amuse the GWCC staff. And I bitched the entire time we walked the length of the room FIVE times. Poor Jamie, he is so sweet to put up with me in such an irritated state.

Once we got through the cattle stalls (I like to refer to it as that since it was utterly (get it?) pointless and I felt like we were aimlessly following the crowd to get slaughtered, how conformist of us) we had to walk all the way down the hall, down an escalator (which we had to stop on because the people in front of us were not walking), down another hall and just kept going and going until finally we got to a room where we sat for a few minutes before being led into another room for a welcome speech and orientation ("Here's how to read the map we gave you..." I'm sorry, if you need an orientation to read a map that clear and obvious (the room is a rectangle) then maybe there's a good reason your unemployed). Then we were released into the fair. The only way in which this fair resembled a real fair was the lines for the food vendors were ridiculously long.

Kudos to the Georgia Department of Labor and WSB-TV for throwing such a successful job fair because this place was packed. My Dad made a good point, there are currently 410,000 unemployed people in the state of Georgia. So if 10% of them show up, that's over 40,000 people. This fair was not equipped or laid out for that many people to show up (while we were there the news said there were 20,000 people there). We couldn't really get to any of the tables (employers, community services, education) to even learn anything. I thought at the very least I would be able to do a little networking, but you couldn't get near tables to even speak to anyone. It was insane. We walked the room a few times and decided to leave. Some of the employers that were there, that I would consider working for, I couldn't find out what jobs they were there hiring for. Call me a brat, but I'm not going to wait an hour and fight through a crowd to speak to someone at Comcast only to find out they're there only looking to hire cable installation people. I'm certainly not above doing that, but it's not in my career plan and to be honest, I have no idea how to do something like that. If they were hiring for the marketing department, that would be different, but there was no way of knowing. And I'm impatient.

So, after about an hour we hiked all the way back up and down escalators and down looooong hallways to the car. I swear we walked three miles while we were there.

Umm, the good news. I had a job interview today. And not for a job I found at the job fair (obviously). You know me, not counting my chickens before the eggs hatch (or whatever), but I felt really good about it and it's a place that would be amazing to work at and I really feel confident the interview process will continue. So yea for me!

*Ok, most of you probably have no idea what Cardioke is so I'm going to tell you. It's a work out video and it's this amazing mix of cardio, dancing, and singing (yes, singing! Like karaoke). It is so fun and it totally kicks your butt. I do it in my living room since there are no work out tools (like a mat or weights) involved. Your heart will race and you will sweat your ass off, but it is so much fun! I totally recommend it. It was created by and is hosted by Billy Blanks, Jr. (son of tae-bo dude Billy Blanks). Blanks, Jr. is really fun to work out with and he's been a back up dancer for Madonna, so that pretty much solidifies him as a bad ass.

I'm going to a fair!

2009-03-11T12:38:00.004-04:00

So this is like day 1,365,735 of my being unemployed. I stopped counting a while ago. There just so happens to be a job fair today. And Jamie is taking me. I was checking out the info online and I see that all sorts of organizations are going to be there and I also checked out the list of potential employers. I'm going to this thing, but I'm not promising I'm coming home with a job. There is NOTHING wrong with the employers they have listed and I hope a lot of people get hired because of this thing, but to be honest, it doesn't appear that any of these jobs are for me. I will not work for the Army (work or enlist? It doesn't say, but either way not for me). I'm not going to apply for a job at Mrs. Winners (I will, however, eat her fried chicken). And I think it's quite ironic that the Department of Labor is listed as a potential employer. Thousands of unemployed people come through their doors every day (I know, I've now been down there four times) you would think they would have no problem filling positions immediately. But anyway, I'm going to go and keep my mind open because you never know.

Tomorrow I'm going to a Volunteer Fair on behalf of the Food Bank. That should be interesting. I get to sit at a table and represent the Food Bank and convince people to volunteer with them. Piece of cake.

I wonder if either fair will have a Ferris wheel? Maybe Jamie can play one of those ring toss games and win me a goldfish. That would make the Job Fair and the Volunteer Fair totally worth it.

Bee-Tee-Dubs

2009-03-10T16:12:00.003-04:00

BTW, I don't think I told you... We went with the Ashland House. So yea!

The Money Pit

2009-03-10T15:33:00.005-04:00

A great movie I always enjoy watching is the Money Pit, you know with Tom Hanks and Shelley Long. It's from 1986 and according to IMDB the plot synopsis is "a young couple struggles to repair a hopelessly dilapidated house." You can check out the IMDB page here if you are still totally lost.

So anyway I haven't blogged in a while because I'm pretty sure we ended up in the Money Pit. Don't get me wrong. We LOVE our house. But it's like one thing after another with this place. Did we move in too early? Probably. But a lot of the issues we are having we would have no matter if we moved in when we did or in 2011.

Back in March of 2008 when the tornado blew through downtown Atlanta (BTW, Westin Downtown, it's been a year, why haven't you replaced your windows yet?) a large tree fell on our house and made it unlivable. Most of the damage was done to the upstairs (the house is an up and down duplex, Jamie and I live in the bottom) but there were still issues with the downstairs too (Inman Park is a very old neighborhood and most of the trees around here are even older so that means they're super big). So the good news we have a brand new kitchen. But as you will know if you've ever lived through any kind of construction, deadlines and finish dates mean nothing. The house was supposed to be finished mid-February. We moved in at the end of February and they are still not completely done.

Just to run down the quick list of things that have had to be done or are still in the process of being fixed: a loose plank in the living room floor, the dishwasher doesn't dry, one of my closet doors is MIA, we had no ice maker for a week and now that we do there is a large hole in the floor (big enough for a rat and 700 of his friends to climb through), and other small and not so small things galore.

I would like to add here, that the landlord is a very good friend of the family and he has been nothing but helpful and supportive through this whole ordeal and these things are in no way a reflection of him or his landlord skills. They are simply the types of things that happen when dealing with contractors.

But, the biggest thing that literally almost made me kill myself and take Jamie with me was the washer and dryer debacle. It's what I call the "piece de resistance." So, our washer and dryer, that we researched and shopped around for we ended up buying at ApplianceSmart. We got a great deal on great machines. All was good. We bought them last Monday and had to wait until this past Saturday to have them delivered. We were given a delivery window of 9am to noon. Which was fine because I'd rather have them in and hooked up in the morning so we could go on with our day and not be stuck at home waiting for the delivery. At 8:50am they called and by 9am they were here. Which was great. I was sleepy as the call at 8:50am woke me up, but it was for a great reason. So the guys came and left. While here they asked if we had the dryer vent, which I told them we didn't but we had bought one with the machines and were told that they would have it. He told me not to worry because they had one on their truck. Before they left I asked them if everything was good to go. I was told yes. I probably would've been more involved or at least checked things out before they left if I had been more awake. So they left and a while later Jamie and I went in to the laundry room. Not only had they left trash on the floor but the machines were pushed so far out from the wall that we could barely walk in the laundry room. So whatever, we cleaned up and went to move the machines back so that someone Jamie's size could fit in the room. That's when I realized the dryer vent they installed was ripped in the middle, a pretty big rip.

So I called ApplianceSmart and told me to bring the ripped one back and they'd give us a new one. Jamie goes by that place everyday on his way and to and from work so he agreed to handle it on his way home from work on Monday. In the meantime, awaiting a night full of laundry on Monday we went to Kroger and bought detergent and dryer sheets (I've never lived in a place with a washer and dryer!).

Monday comes along and Jamie comes home with a brand new vent. We spent an hour and a half trying to assemble the damn thing, connect it to the dryer and the wall and then position the dryer back in the laundry room so it was accessible and you wouldn't have to be anorexic or a very small child to get to it. At almost the two hour mark (and after purposely cutting the damn thing in half) I got so mad we went to Lowe's to get a dryer vent that wasn't the biggest piece of shit you've ever seen.

OK, so while this is all going on, I realize that because we have fancy new machines we have to have high efficiency detergent to use in the washing machine. Well, I didn't buy the high efficiency kind, I bought the normal kind. But it's cool, because there is a Kroger in the same shopping area as Lowe's and I can just exchange it.

We get to Lowe's, the man there is so super helpful. I wish I knew his name because I would totally call Lowe's and tell them how awesome this guy is. We got a dryer vent that looks like it was made to actually be used. AND it was cheaper than the one we had to buy from ApplianceSmart. So, next stop was a quick run in to Kroger to switch the detergent. The Kroger that we went to, the one next to the Lowe's was like the most insane place I've ever been in. Imagine the mall the day after Christmas, except this time, instead of sales, stores are literally giving shit away. It was like that. So damn crowded it made me want to give up on the whole thing and push the washing machine and the dryer down a steep hill. I took some very deep (yoga?) breaths and dealt with it. I got my high efficiency detergent and came home.

We hooked the new dryer vent up with ease and I was able to actually do a load of laundry. I turned the dryer on (with nothing in it) and it sounded like there was a basketball bouncing around in there. I have no idea what the noise is, but I can call to have someone come out and fix it for free. But I was so frustrated I just kept doing laundry and it seems that the noise has resigned, at least for now.

The only kicker to our eventual happy ending? the machines are backwards. Instead of washing machine on the left and dryer on the right (which is how it is supposed to go because that is how the doors open) we have it backwards. But you know what, I'm going to deal with that.

If nothing else, this Money Pit that is ours and that we love has taught me to mellow the hell out and go with the flow.

It also helps that I can now bitch about our problems in clean clothes.

The picture above I have titled "The blogger on her front porch, the only non stress inducing part, non problem causing part of the house."

Dear Blog,

2009-02-24T18:01:00.000-05:00

Help! Packing sucks. I'm sitting on my couch surrounded by everything I own in the world (except the 15 boxes of stuff we moved on Sunday) and I have no idea what I'm doing. I wanted to be methodical and pack things that go together in a nice organized manner (like bathroom stuff with bathroom stuff) but I've abandoned all hope of that now. Now it's whatever fits goes in a box. Unpacking is going to be a (not) joy. I'm just to the point where it all needs to get in a box and get out of here.

Our new house is going to awesome and we're so excited to get there. But the moving part? It just sucks.

Movin' On Up...

2009-02-18T16:25:00.004-05:00

It's that time. The lease is up. We're collecting boxes. Yep, it's time to move. I've been in my apartment for two years now. And it is the best apartment ever! For me. By myself. When Jamie moved in we made it work, but the longer we've been living together the smaller the apartment has gotten. And quite frankly, the lease couldn't have been up at a better time. So we've been house hunting because I'll be damned if we're going to move into another apartment (even if it was a bigger one). I want a dog and I would like for my dog to have a yard and Jamie, most importantly wants a grill. Even though our next door neighbors have a grill on their fourth floor balcony I will not allow it (I have the Fire Marshall on my side too). So, we get a house, I get a dog (eventually, probably August) and Jamie gets a grill (immediately, so he'll stop talking about wanting one, and Jamie, if you are reading this, ONE to start with, not THREE as you've so outlined because I understand you're logic behind wanting three since they can all serve different purposes, but seriously, one will be fine for the foreseeable future, besides, you're not BBQ U). It's all that easy.

Looking for a house is not as fun as you would think it could be. We spent all day on Saturday in the car driving around all the streets we would want to live on and calling the numbers on the signs out front. We looked at three on Sunday and one yesterday. And believe it or not the first house we looked at (moving forward I will dub it the Ashland house until I come up with a cutesier name for it) is more than likely the one we will take. The two other houses we looked at on Sunday we're fine, for other people. But not for us. The house we looked at yesterday was AMAZING, but for some reason I couldn't picture us and our stuff (our red couch would absolutely clash with the brownish carpet and so would just about everything else I own) in it. It's a great house, a big one, with a fenced yard, a carport and all that jazz, but alas, I think the Ashland house put a spell on us so that anything else we looked at after it would pale in comparison.

So here we are, going to look at the Ashland house one more time tomorrow and then, assuming it's still as cute and still as perfect as we remember we'll begin moving ASAP. So, if you're not doing anything later you are more than welcome to come over and help us pack.

Crap Chop and ShamPow!

2009-02-13T16:08:00.006-05:00

For those of you that actually read my entire ShamWow Vince Vs. Billy Mays post (http://melissablvd.blogspot.com/2009/01/shamwow-vince-vs-billy-mays.html), then you'll appreciate this as much as me. So, Billy Mays was on the Adam Corolla (radio) show the other day (Billy is such a celeb) and some caller asked Billy what he thought about ShamWow Vince. Well, you'll have to listen to this yourself because it is hilars but basically Billy will take Vince down anywhere, anytime, anyplace. He even accuses Vince of knocking him off, which I agree with. Oh yeah, Billy calls the Slap Chop the Crap Chop and the ShamWow the ShamPow (cause that's what he'll do to do Vince). I love it!!! Best battle ever! Team Billy all the way! Yes, Billy Mays, you are the ABSOLUTE pitchman! It's time for a Pitch-Off!

Please, please, please listen to the interview. It will rock your world. I tried to embed it but I couldn't. So click here and listen!! It will make your day. And that is my Valentine's Day gift to you!